''Trouble Teacher” Blog # 40

Most of us have heard the old saying, life is not for sissies”. This lets us know, it is tough

out there! But no matter what, never quit……don’t give up! From the time we are young,

on through our years, we are expected to grow in a healthy manner. We can look at our life now and say, ‘If it weren’t for that person or this person I would probably have done

things differently, or I sure wouldn’t be in this mess if I didn’t meet them”. We are all in

situatuions because of deliberate choices we have made. A current situation can be

troublesome or peaceful.

What goes around, comes around. We have a choice to heal ourselves daily. Our

thoughts start out the day. We know internally, what is expected of us. IF we choose

denial - well, that brings in a “troublesome teacher”. What we choose to do every day

can turn good or troublesome. A big question: daily, who is allowed to be part of our

“inner circle of sacred trust”? Our

daily decisions DO change the course of our living.

Going back to my teen years I can say immediately that I was impulsive with choices.

Teens do not think about their dangerous choices and how it will affect their future.

Their brain development is not at the point of making those choices. What friendships

made me feel safe? Our friends have great. influence, both good and bad.

Then there are relationships with the oppositie sex.

Teen years find it harder for girls to stay clear of a bad reputation if they decide to

experiment in areas the compromise their integrity. This invites big trouble for so many

girls struggling out there. Patterns develop and a choice is made. Yet, they can choose

to change with good guidance around them because this is critical. Too many young

boys are spending “days” sitting at their computer gaming, watching videos - YouTube

and TikTok, and staring at what kind of garbage out there? At schools there is big

trouble with “Peer Pressure”. Peer Pressure brings on many dangerous choices. Teens

start smoking, drinking, vaping, and doing drugs. They start experimenting with Illicit sex

and internet porn. Why, because there is no one out there to stop them, period! Many

parents find the internet to be a great babysitter and later rationalize these statements

away by not enforcing ruies at home. Eventually the trouble teacher comes and stands

beside the giant white elephant in the room. Perhaps now something dangerous has

happened. These are just some of the big “trouble teachers” that compromise our

youth today. Yet, any kind of abuse to our body brings in trouble. Why is this so?

Patterns are set. Habits are formed. Mindsets are put in place.

Days and months give way to years. Little by little, darkness replaces the light.

Once again I do not include those that must take medication for health issues.

I am speaking solely about recreational use of drugs and alcohol.

My daughter Bridget brought so much trouble into her own life because of dishonesty. She was not honest with herself and it came full circle in her own health. She took Adderol daily, and lots of it. After this kind of abuse to her body, she experienced a stroke and a seizure just one month before she died. Even after these horrific warnings,

the last month of her life saw her drinking Vodka and taking more pills on a daily basis!

She could not stop herself because darkness had taken over. Now, habits and mindsets

and patterns were formed, set in concrete. Unfortunately, I found out about this when it

was too late.

She just could not stop herself…….

All of the above are “trouble teachers” and lifestyle choices she made. Consequences

carried over to little boys left behind with no Mother. Unfortunately, this takes place all

over the world on a daily basis. Today for the first time in history we have a smorgasboard of information available to us on the Internet. At our fingertips in a second, we can search up both good and bad trouble. As adults we are expected to make good, healthy choices for ourselves. As parents it is our moral obligation to guide our children to adulthood. However, are we aware of the choices our young people are making on the internet? There are apps out there to help parents. There is an app called “Covenant Eyes” for less than $200 a year that can monitor what your child watches.

At any age a young person can look up, read and watch videos of the darkest nature.

Millions of porn sites sit, waiting for our youth. These are horrific trouble teachers. It is up

to each one of us to “surf the net” and ask “What are you watching on the internet?

Right now two of the biggest businesses in the world are the Pharmaceutical business

and the Pornography business. What does that tell us about drugs and Porn?

I heard a story a while back, have not checked to validate it but it goes like this,

”somewhere in the world today, there are so many people addicted to the internet

games that as adults, they wear diapers, so they do NOT have to get up from their

screen and miss something”. This is CRAZY troublesome!

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

We all come walking down life’s path with “trouble teachers” popping out along the way.

We need to discipline our minds to stay clear of these trouble teachers. We need to

pray daily for help.

In school consequences are easier to grasp, if you do not study and skip your lessons required,

the trouble comes jin bad grades. Do you know what choices are you making on the

internet? How much time is spent researching what? How addicted have we become

to our phones? There is trouble around each and every one of our decisions when it

involves excess. Too much time spent on the phone makes time disappear from

physical interaction with each other. How many of us are out walking each and every

day? Valuable time interacting with each other is lost each day, staring at the phone.

We can change that. All of us are way better than we think.

It’s November now! Its a Holy time of the year. Miracles are happening all around us.

We have just experienced All Saints Day and All Souls Day, the first two days of

November. From now until the end of the year, our earth is filled with extra angelic help.

It’s a beautiful time of year and we have only but to ask HIM for any help we need.

Angels are all around us, if you sit quietly you can feel their energy and their loving

presence. Take advantage of this time now, reach out in a quiet moment, sit still and

suddenly feel this astounding sense of peace.

“Can you learn from a “trouble teacher” today?

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“Health & hurting” Blog #39

A long time ago I wrote a song when I was a lonely teenager and it goes like this…

”There’s a reason why I’m sittin’ all alone, there’s a reason that nobody’s tried to phone,

there’s a reason why its Friday night and there’s still no one is sight, while I sit here trying

to hide my tears.”

Why did I write this? I was sixteen, sad and lonely. I wasn’t on any drugs, just sad and

lonely. Why I happened to remember that song now is because I just heard a statistic

on the air that was very frightening. It was about the explosion of teens on drugs. Down

through the ages there exists one truth. Young or old, a person can be depressed and

lonely. When you are young, loneliness is magnified greatly. I was depressed a lot as a

teenager and was hurting with of all things, constant toothaches! My parents never

took me to a dentist. I still recall wondering why I had to suffer with such toothaches.

Why were my parents so indifferent to my physical pain. Because they were immeshed

in a world of darkness. When it comes to health and hurting, these issues cross the

barriors of age and time.

So many of us believe, “if I can just meet the right person, I will be happy”. Still others

believe, “If I can just get out of this relationship, then I will be happy”. One fact is

painfully clear, we come in alone and we go out alone. It’s the “in-between time”, the

part where we really experience living that can get messy. However throughout life,

lessons come pouring down upon us.

As a teenager my family life was extremely dysfunctional. I mentioned before, how

I had a very abusive, alcoholic father and a mother that worked all the time and

enabled my father. She was the perfect definition of a “caretaker”. In my family there

were fights and anger and constant lies. Furniture was daily broken and formidible fear

permeated the family. My mindset was this, “If I can just get out of here, I can stop

hurting and be happy. If I can just meet the right guy and do my own thing, I can leave

all this behind me. He will make me happy.” I didn’t know this, “you can never meet the

right guy when you have the wrong mindset”.

With a painful past not dealt with, we make dark, dysfunctional, dramatic choices.

Many counselors have shared with me over the years, this important statement,

“You will always meet a mate or a partner at your level, the level you are at”. If you want

to stop hurting then seek good health, then a higher and a different perspective will

develop. No one ever told me these very wise words.

There is a confusing piece to all of this for children from alcoholic or drug infested

families. The child tries to look up to their parents for as long as they can. This means

“no matter what”, until the hurting has caused unhealthy calamity.

It is hard to admit a parent may have failed us when we were young. So we justify and

rationalize and reason all hurt away. As a pre-teen, I was able to escape and move

over to my grandfathers house. I went to high school and finally had something I had

not had in all the years of my life.

Peace and quiet.

I thought I had escaped, but no one can escape their thoughts and memories. I took all

the “bad internal videos” with me. The only way I knew now to stop my “hurting” was to

find a guy. I thought normal guys were boring. I was drawn to bad, distant behavior

and people with big problems. I identified with these kind of guys. The kids that did well

in school and sports and clubs, I was uncomfortable with them. My teen age years

from ninth to twelfth grade found me sad an awful lot.

Why is this? Partly being a teenager and more so not having a role model. I wrote sad

poems and sad songs and found I was depressed a lot.. This was who I was. My own

parents were too busy feeding off of each others dark daily drama. The only tools they

shared with me while I was a teenager was to say, “don’t you ever drink or smoke”, while

they did this daily. Seldom no money for bread and milk but always the case of beer,

whiskey and cigarettes. Sad scenario of misplaced priorities still abounding in

households today.

My parents never took me to the dentist. I remember being embarrassed at school

because I had two cavities right between my two front teeth! A piece of cotton was

wedged there for months on end, until finally my aunts had seen enough and moved

me over to my grandpas house and my aunt took me to the dentist. Priorities of

cigarettes, alcohol and drugs first, before anything else. I needed a good counselor

early on. A counselor to help show me how to make better choices. My grandfather

was too old, my aunts were too wrapped up and involved in their restaurant business.

These tidbits of my growing up years have proven this to me, each and every one of us

are a culmination of our experiences from our families. We are filled with the

repercussions of choices made in anxious moments. Whatever we have lived through

growing up, adults in our lives have much to do with “How we look at life”. It forces our

youth to giveway to adulthood, good or bad.

Throughout my own life I became a “caretaker”, not a caregiver.

In the back of my mind, I was comfortable wanting and thriving on “fixing people”.

Especially people that were hurting badly. Many years of counseling and therapy

brought me to safely make this statement, “being a caretaker brings on more hurt and

bad health”. It is so much better to choose to be a CAREGIVER.

I did a lot of caretaking for Bridget. Even all through college and when she moved away

to Chicago to go to grad school, she was drinking a lot in college. After this, she met

someone and was making bad choices. In a nutshell, she was now with a loser. She

had left good friends and people that supported her all through college. Suddenly she

chose a darker path with a guy that was not only involved in drugs but was also

abusing her. I could only pray she would see the light because I could not help her.

She struggled daily with self esteem and continued to make dark choices for herself.

Four years of staying with someone that tore her down daily. Finally after he broke

her nose, she called me to come and get her and bring her home.

Relationships evolve, they are either healthy or hurtful. Good physical and good mental

health is what each of us need daily. Why do we pick the people in our life, that we do?

It depends WHERE WE ARE MENTALLY. If our family has hurt us, when do we reach out for

help? Is it in drugs & alcohol? Dark issues that have not been dealt with don’t just

disappear!

One of the reasons my faith is strong in my Lord is because I can give all of my hurt to

HIM. Every day HE shows me how to stay away from dark choices and dark thoughts of

wanting to hurt myself in any way. I know this is possible I sit quietly and take a deep

breath and In doing this, my health is better one day at a time. For, “this too, shall pass”

“Tomorrow its a brand new day”

When I was young I learned a poem that has stayed with me and been my motto down

through the years:

“The Man in the Glass”

By: Peter Dale Winsbrow, Sr.

When you get what you want ih your struggle for self, and the world makes you

King for a day, then go to the mirror and look at yourself and see what that guy

has to say. For it isn’t your Father, or Mother, or wife who judgement upon you

must pass, but the person whose verdict counts most in your life is the one

staring back from the glass. He’s the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,

for he’s with you clear to the end, and you’ve passed the most dangerous,

difficult test if the “Man in the Glass' is your friend. You can fool the whole

world down your pathway of years and get pats on your back as you pass,

but your final reward will be heartache and tears if you’ve cheated that

‘Man in the Glass”.

THE LIAR HATES THIS POEM. A person who lies to himself cannot live with this poem

because it means we must be honest internally with ourselves. Each of us can have

complete clarity in the understanding of good versus evil choices, if we but pray and

ask for help daily. I was told, and I believe, that “Our bodies are the Temple of God”. In

knowing this and believing this, our mind tells us to want to Eat healthy food and think

healthy thoughts. Then, sit back and watch your good habits grow! Anyone can start

now.

IF you are hurting today, ask for HIS help, he will hear. I promise you. I found Jesus.

I believe that now I am in the world and not of the world.

“Can you ask our Lord to help you find better health and less hurt today?

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“Avoid Dis-ease” Blog #38

When we are very small, the house we live in, looks very big.

When we get older into our early 20s, our parents suddenly seem very old. It is only

when a person becomes sick, and then is ready to die, one may ask, “could one have

avoided dis-ease?”

I remember being twenty three years old and out of college. I was living in Arizona

and working for a radio and television station. It was almost Christmas and I asked

for some time off to go home and visit my family. My father had become seriously

ill with cancer, so I was anxious to see him. I remember the day I flew in and walked

in the back door quietly. For some reason, I knew I needed to be quiet.

It was a small house but with lots of history. My mother had a gift for decorating on

a shoe string budget of Salvation Army knick knacks and relative hand me downs.

She was at work still and I saw a fire burning in our fireplace. My father was stretched

out on the sofa with his hands crossed over his chest and sound asleep. He lay there in

his dress pants and collored shirt. I studied him quietly and took a closer look from

when I had seen him last. He was still extremely handsome. Though his dark black hair

was thinning, his thick eye brows outlined his rectangular face. He still had the look of

an Errol Flynn movie star who had painfully aged, and now so had he. There was

something very sad that immediately jumped out at me. His wedding band on his left

hand was taped over and over. He had used white adhesive medical tape, now the

band looked small with the big mound of tape holding it on his slim, long finger.

I just sat there across from him in front of the fire. I was thinking how safe I felt when he

was sleeping, after all these years, I still felt this way. There was such a complex

chemistry between us that I really needed this quiet solitude briefly, before he would

awake. I knew once he woke, he would spin his web of charm and it did not matter

whether truth or fiction, I would be sucked into his tarnished ruin of reality once again.

Then, just nine months later, I was called home once again. This time the disease

that had riddled his body took over and controlled to the end. My father died at the ripe

old age of fifty-two years old. I do remember thinking at the time, “I know he has

suffered with all his sickness, and for so long, yet he was old too”…….. Old?

I was young at twenty three and he was old at fifty two.

Why did I go into detail about this one segment of my life? How does this have

anything to do with my Blog? I started the Blog in memory of my daughter who died

so young and riddled with dis-ease as well.

When my daughter was born, had my father taken care of his health, he would only

have been sixty two years old. Such a very sad fact of life. Good Mental Health is major

important to conquering dis-ease. Many books have been written attributed to body,

mind and spirit. Feed the body and the mind good health and the spirit will soar. “Mind

over matter”. Books go on to state that “you are what you eat”. So many other books

state that you can heal your own life by taking the reins of “good, mental and physical

thought, bring good health overall.

There is a very famous book written by Louise Hay “You can Heal Your Life”. Louise

believes, as do I, that “mental patterns can create dis-eases in the body”. She

advocates for positive exercizes over and over again and states how healing these

exercises are to a person. Its amazing how simple she puts the recipe for life out there

for us to follow. She believes that “all is perfect, whole and complete. I have within me

all the ingredients for success. Whatever I am guided to do will be a success. I learn

from every experience………..”{ Louise Hay}

How major is this statement. I learn from every experience. My father had, early on in

his twenties, been a super success. He had worked and gained notoriety as a life

insurance salesman and made a huge living, worked and lived in Chicago. His early

huge income along with his smoking and constant binge drinking got the best of him.

He divorced his first wife and on his way to oblivion, met my mother, got her pregnant,

then with their children and all his responsibilities in tow, he decided never to go back to

a good job again. He only addressed the family business at hand, through drunken

eyes of permanent disenchantment. He drank from morning until late into the night.

I must confess, I seldom ever saw him sober. His reality become diluted in the never

ending need for liquor. He sold things throughrout our house for liquor when he didn’t have any money for drinking. On the days he waited for my mother to come home from work, he slept on the

sofa. His mind and body became so delapitaded with dysfunction, daily drama and

dis-ease, that in the end, he looked very, very old. At ten years old, Bridget could have,

if my father would have avoided dis-ease, known her grandfather to be seventy two

years old. Its not uncommon to have a daughter who is twenty and who still sees her

grandfather at eighty two years old. Yet in our family, that was not to be. How many

sad, unspent , no memory years of no grandfather, and for what? The almighty drink of

alcohol. He traded in his life and all the memories of grandchidren for this? My father

left everyone behind in the dust for the “almighty drink” and then he became dust.

Bridget traded in her life and all the memories of her little children growing up for drugs

and liquor? So My father and Bridget are now gone into memory of the dead. My

fathers’ choices affected anyone and everyone around him, and not in a good way.

There is a memory to every family. What memory are you making for your family?

Every family is fallible, fragile and needs forgiving. How do we handle dis-ease?

I do believe that after my father died, I got angry. I ran away into my mind and my

job and my life for many years. When tragedy struck, I ran away into the dis-ease

of dark drinking and dysfunction of the abyss that disabled me. I didn’t realize that

when I decided to marry it was time again, time to start over and raise and show my

children TRUTH. It was time for me to avoid dis-ease if I could. But some family habits

carry over to generations.

Alas, sometimes drinking becomes too easy and too simple and too “quick’ of a solution

to temporarily avoid all the pain. I am certainly not going into the pain today. I will only

tell you it was never easy. There were some horrific moments of sadness, regret and

fear. As I look back, I see now, had I been “aware of the TRUTH inside me”, had I faced my

fears without the dreaded help of drinking, life would have been so much easier.

However through my sadness came my FAITH, Then and only then my belief in my

Lord took the place of unnecessary heartache. I said, “when the student is ready the

teacher appears”. and so HE did. The Dear Lord has given me a chance to share with

you today all the internal insights that helped me overcome my darkness and extreme

adversity. So I close today hoping you heard the obvious. Hoping you heard the good

news of how you too, can over come anything that tries to keep you full of fear. For you

now know the recipe for FAITH.

I ask you, “today are you ready to awaken to HIM and avoid dis-ease?

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“What’s Normal?” Blog #37

It was a normal day and everyone was going to work on a beautiful sunny morning.

The city was filled with noise and people looking forward to a normal September day.

In the blink of an eye, the Twin Towers came crashing down in fiery flames and

thousands of people last their lives. Their normal day was changed to disaster in a

heartbeat forevermore. On a hot December 26, 2004 morning, half way around the

world out of the blue, the biggest Tsunami to hit the Indian Ocean destroyed coastal

vacation spots forevermore. This killed more than 250,000 people. This changed lives

from normalcy to never-ending sadness. It was a hot July morning and I was not going

to be late for my Floor Duty scheduled this Tuesday. When I arrived at my office, I stood

in front of my desk staring down at the quote on my daily calendar, “Oh normal day, let

me be aware of what a treasure you are”.

One hour later, my Mother was brutally murdered by a drug addict and my normal life

was changed forever more. What insurance policy do we have on the “Unexpected

changing our Normal Day to chaos”?

Everything that happens to us affects our sense of normal day in and day out. I believe

unless we take stock of every day habits, daily thoughts and daily actions, what we

consider to be “normal”, just may be our demise. A slippery slope exists when it comes

to our emotions. We must deal with decisions, judgement and reality with a clear head.

This is why every day I pray for discipline, detachment and discernment to see clearly.

Sometimes we cancel relationships for a lifetime, based on terrible words, or one

sad incident. We can lose family member relationships based on our judgement of how

we expect others to “normally behave” around us. Why be upset over things that are

out of our control? A stigma has attached itself to society. It is constantly pulling at all

of us. Invading our lives, it tries to get us to “see normal” through foggy, haze colored

glasses of artificial help.. There are commercials everywhere talking up the importance

of any and every kind of drug “just to get through each day”. One commercial goes like

this, “remember Big Lou, he’s like you, he’s on drugs too - Really? Well, that’s probably

right because the pharmaceutical companies are billionaires. And the numbers are

staggering. Now younger and younger people are believing this too.

More and more of us, in wanting to avoid dealing with any emotion, find a quick fix.

Try not to “Feel any thing” (This does not apply to medical reasons for intake).

The authentic feelings we have Inside are critical to our inner growth!

We need to use our moral compass to direct each one of our days.

By examining our feelings, we make amends where needed and remove regrets.

How many people alive, live life as though today were there last? Not many.

We take for granted what we feel is “normal acting, normal thinking and normal

behavior. From the advertisements on the air, to the movies we watch to the songs

we listen to. What do we see around us? A thick cloud of dysfunction is everywhere.

Where is the accountability? Do people address accountability in the youth today?

Speaking truth in every situation is healing. We need to be kind and tactful, yet

speak the truth. I believe this is the way to have a normal, healthy, happy life..

Sometimes we think why bother with a family member when their stubbornness is out

of our control? If we are worried, or unhappy or sad because of a family members

actions, speak the truth to them, yet remember we cannot change another heart. Be

careful though, are we “caretakers” or “caregivers”? It is not possible to fix others except

inside our own self. There is prayer and forgiveness and truth on our part. Then let go

because HE knows best. Truth is never hidden from an honest heart. However parents

need to do their part to speak truth and don’t be afraid to have an honest conversation

with your teen about serious issues.

IF this were the last day of any of our lives Would we look at life differently? Forgiveness

comes when we see others as we see ourselves. Every morning I wake up and thank the

Dear Lord for letting me see everyone I meet through HIS eyes only. We live in a society

saturated with signals telling us we “ need something to fix our day”. Rather why not tap

into the inner guidance of the Christ light inside us now.

It is not normal to want to numb or dull our senses daily, WE need to “feel our feelings”.

Our life becomes dangerous when we rationalize away the truth of our reality. We can’t

say I don’t care. What goes around comes around and it will catch up with each one of

us somewhere. We will only learn why we are here when we agree we need to “feel all

of our feelings” cold turkey. No getting high too avoid any emotion. No vaping, no

drugging, just plain feeling those feelings. Ask your teen if they do drugs to hide from

feelings in life. We all need to deal daily with a clear head, the following raw emotions of

sadness, regret, loneliness, anger, confusion, frustration, happiness, love, hate, sorrow

and of course the big one, “guilt”. Guilt for all or nothing at all, we have or haven’t done.

And its all okay. We are all in this together.

I promise you from the day I decided to avoid all drugs and liquor, my life has been

lighter, brighter and so much better. I don’t need to be high for any reason any more, no

matter what happens, nor do you. Trust me, this is truly a beautiful honest feeling of

freedom. Then and only then, can we learn about ourself and what we’ve came here to

do. Why are we alive? We are definately alive for a very specific reason and that

reason is to learn to love ourself unconditionally. A wise spiritual Guru once told me that

he walked into a bar years ago. Suddenly the wierdest thing happened to him. He

actually could “SEE” dark hovering energy spiraling down into the crown chakras of all

the people that were high or wasted on alcohol or whatever. He shared the

understanding of the old saying “Oh the Devil made me do it”. What does this mean?

It means we are not in control of our minds and bodies when we allow darkness to take

over. Do not give into temptation. We can do this one day at a time.

So today my normal day is not filled with dark drama or dysfunction. I want to be

authentic with a clear head. I see no need for drugs, alcohol or chemicals in my body to

“feel good”. What’s normal in the way I react to other people? I am now aware

everyone is on their own path, stuck or growing. I can only work on me! I am strong in

my faith and my belief in my Creator. Nothing can destroy this! My sense of self stems

from goodness and truth, and brings a normal balance into my choices of friendships.

I choose those around me to build me up, not tear me down. As we change lifestyles,

it’s important to only have healthy-minded people around us. I pray all our lives can

leave behind misplaced anger, regret and judgement. Everything that has happened to

each of us, makes us stronger. Hold on and believe it. With this approach we can have

a normal healthy balanced life. We can feel our faith, forgiveness & fortitude at work, as

we see those around us.

Remember this old saying, “there but for the grace of God, go I”.

So I wrap up tonight by asking, “How do you feel about what’s making your life normal

today?

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"Why is it…..?” Blog # 36

Why is it that the hardest things to do are the most important in life?

Why is truth so important? Why is trust just as important and why does it matter?

Truth is in everything. If we can learn to “discern” we can get to a safe place in,

life a lot better. If we can trust in our gut to lead us on our way and not “astray” , then

life gets easier every day. IF we can trust just for today, everything happened for a

reason. Sometimes we don’t even understand the reason until much later in life. Life is

here to teach us something about ourself. Then life gets a little bit clearer showing us

“why we are here”. Our daily lives will forever be a puzzle in putting the pieces together

in the right way. It takes a tremendous amount of patience with ourself. We must be

brave. However, why is it so many people purposely stay depressed, angry and sad?

Mostly because it appears to be easier. It is not, but it only looks that way for now.

If I take a backseat look at the version of my life that believed in self-medicating. I must

admit it appeared easier to hide behind a drink at the end of the day. Only when I

realized the end of the day started earlier and earlier each day and then came the

black outs. So I stopped cold turkey. That was many years ago.

Why is it that fear has so much to do with holding us back from our highest potential?

Because it is easier. It is so much easier to just look at life from inside and not venture

outside. When we take each day and stay stuck, we live inside our fear. We are acting

afraid by not doing the difficult part to our lives that involves “trusting in the unseen

power”. For it is HIS Love that take us to parts unimaginable, regardless of whatever age

we are now. Remember that Grandma Moses started painting in her late nineties! A

former President of the United States parachuted out of a plane at the age of ninety.

Plus they just had a marathon biker win a race well into his nineties. Why is it? It is

because they believed in Mind over matter. I choose to see it as Faith in the unseen

presence of HIS love that guides us daily.

When my husband and I were in our late fifties and all our friends were traveling the

country and starting to think about retirement, why is it that I wanted something

different for my husband and I? We had raised our two eldest children and they

were on their own and well into their thirties.

Why is it I felt a need to do something different and take the risk? With the help

of my husband, we managed to find the resources and after many appointments,

we were candidates for adoption! We were going to adopt a baby and I must

admit, the majority of our friends said; “Why?” “Why is it that your so crazy to do this?”

I just knew inside my gut that there was someone else out there that my husband

and I could help guide. A little life that was in need of a home and we were waiting.

It really was quite a miricle if you see why I choose to believe the way I do. The other

couple that were candidates, were asking too many questions and insisted on seeing a

picture of the baby first. They also wanted lots of testing done and kept asking

questions. Needless to say, I believed, if we were meant to do this - The dear Lord would

would make it happen. And so we asked no questions, and this is how it turned out..

The state chose my husband and I and we were in our late fifties. We were chosen over

the University professor and his wife that were in their early forties. I remember that

morning well. I was making a big pot of vegetable soup and got the phone call.

The state placement person said; “You can go pick up your little baby girl tomorrow

morning at eleven am. I guess The Dear Lord had decided it was to be us. I put

the idea out there in the universe, and HE made it happen.

We were now going to be parents again and a beautiful little Irish girl just ten months

old came into our lives. The following year the state called again and told us we had

just hours to make up our mind on taking our little girls real brother. There were many

people waiting in the wings to adopt a little boy so young, at eleven months old.

“Lets do it”, my husband had said. “How hard can one more be?”

Why is it that I just trusted in the process at my age? Im certainly not going to tell you

there have not been challenges along the way, of course there have! However, we

would not have it any other way. Our lives have been so much more enriched. We

could never imagine living our life without our daughter and our son that are now in

their teen years. So much to do and so little time to do it in. I guess I have to say that my

inner guidance led me to doing what I was meant to do.

Why is it that so many people, upon finding this inner secret of “guiding truth”, feel safe

by embracing it and then the best part happens. They begin to feel differently. They

feel free of depression and dark thoughts and let go of the ways that held them back.

I have to admit, from the day that we got our little ones, right up to this day, there is

seldom a moment when I sit and just think about myself and my problems. I am too

busy! I have far too much to do. A great saying to bring in the fold here is this motto:

“Give the busiest people more to do and they will get it done without worry”.

I hope today, you find the message in what I have shared with you. Yes, I too have

struggled with depression and sadness and fear. I have had days that I have cried out

internally, “Why me God? Why is it always me, that sad things have to happen to?”

I seldom say that anymore. As the days turn into months and the months turn into

years, I have found peace in helping guide and raise our two little ones who in their

teenage years are filled with challenge. My life brings me so much more awareness

and keeps my mind challenged. Not a day goes by that I don’t say, “thank you for this

day and all that is coming to me to learn from”. I feel by helping another soul we think

less about our own personal needs.

Years back, Mother Theresa was a famous nun who lived and cured the lives of those

that lived in Calcutta India - from Leprosy. Yet, she never got it! When a reporter was

interviewing her after she received the Nobel Peace Prize he asked her this question,

“How in the world can a person go out and help the world when there is so much

sadness and crime and darkness everywhere?” Mother Theresa, who was this little, bitty

person, looked up at the reporter with her aged wrinkled face and smiling she softlsaid to him; “Oneperson at a time, son, one person at a time”.

So as I close my blog this evening, I ask you, “Is there someone you feel you could help

today, one person at a time?”

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“Officially Gone'' Blog #35

Everything in our past is gone now, forever.

There are only good and bad memories for all of us living, to choose from. NOW given

these 2 choices, why choose only the good memories? IF we choose to look at the past

as our ‘teacher”, we are VERY fortunate. For now we become aware and are in a good

place. Then believe it or not, we start growing in a positive manner. Lots of people

wonder why in the world were they put in a certain family? Many of us wonder why

certain family members keep hurting our lives? I remember a very wise counselor

telling me once “when the student is ready, the teacher appears”. How can that be?

And what does that even mean? This is what I feel that statement means. We go thru

life and we each and every one of us, are given different lessons to learn and discern

and evolve from. Almost every lesson we are given comes in the form of other people.

People all around us are there for the “teaching”.

Of course, when we are little we learn from our families, both good and bad habits.

We learn a lot of laughter in the home and we may learn a lot of sadness depending on

the parent. Some parents are workaholics and strict with dscipline. Other parents are

liberal and loose. Some parents sent dangerous signals by daily dozes of pills and liquor.

Other parents hide feelings. of affection and love. Some parents just plain gave up and

followed their own selfish needs. People don’t always learn from life’s situations that

happen to them. they don’t look at this as a “learning tool”. LIFE IS FOR LEARNING LESSONS. It doesn’t matter who or where we came from

when it comes to learning;.because in the end, we walk away from family life with our

own concrete ideas on how to live life. Ah-ha. And so then we start. We are either

afraid or assured. We are either filled with hope or filled with fear. We either believe in a

Godly spiritual force that is guiding us or we don’t even give it a thought, for then we

go on to live a secular, carefree life of want and need. WE justify our reasons for raising

children as we wish. Life continues on.

However, whether we are 15 years old or maturing our way into late life, what do we

actually know that is ‘TRUTH’? How do we learn to discern? We still each have

something in common with one another. We get to make choices every single day,

right from wrong and good from bad. And very importantly, happy from sad. We can

choose to be happy. At one point in my life, I had four beautiful children, and now have

three. I choose to remember all the good mermories from my eldest daughter above

all. How do we officially close the door to our own sadness,, despair and heartache?

I just do it. I pray for courage, strength and peace of mind THEN Just do it. We CAN say

to ourselves, “I used the tools I had at the time, nothing more and nothing less. I could

not do more than I know now I was equipped with”. Then I give it all to HIM.

I officially say the past is over and I close that door. It’s officially gone.

Sometimes its not possible to tell someone you forgive them, or say you are sorry

yet, in your heart and mind -you can say and think this thought and this becomes a

very freeing feeling. To understand that the past is no more in our control and to

believe that it is only there in the past as a “directional tool” giving us the opportunity to

go forward and thrive or to stay stuck and die on the vintage vine of hopeless, lost

regret. If so, this is not learning, this is not going forward. This way of thinking is not

healthy. SO I LET IT GO.

Recognizing and letting go of any mistakes we think we have made is HUGE. Other

people will always be our ‘TEACHERS’ in some way or another. It is hard to look at life this

way but therein lies the rub. I learned many lessons from my daughter, Bridget. First

and foremost I learned you cannot save someone from themself. Everyone makes their

own choices. Bridget had made some bad ones. Yet, I saw her sadness her fears, her

hope and her tears. In the end, She taught me this……….

I learned about forgiveness and patience and humility from her. I also learned how to

take my inner pain and persevere wanting to help someone else. We all know that time

can be our friend or our foe. PAIN, inner pain, is a powerful teacher.

How do we use our time each and every day? Are we genuinely healing ourself?

Last evening I was sitting in my den alone changing the channels on the television.

How very many choices I had. Do we think about this each day? Do we randomly

pick a show that we can fixate on sadly? We can change it! We can watch comedy or

horror on tv, we can watch inspiring, or depressing movies. We can educate ourselves

or stare at a mindless reality show. OUR LIFE is entirely up to us, I tried a little experiment

with myself after one of my many overwhelming migraine headaches which usually

transpired into severe states of sadness and depression. Many days of senseless

darkness.

I forced myself to try something brand new. I immediately dressed in something nice,

got out of my house, as hard as it was, I did this. Then I walked and walked and walked.

I tried to notice things that had no importance to me before. I breathed deeply over

and over again, I put my hands together and I cried for help internally. I just kept

walking. I had brought along a bottle of water and I stopped where it seemed safe

and sat on a park bench. I began to “people watch“ and it was comforting.

Suddenly I started to think about other people. Every single person comes into this

world all alone. Every person goes through life with their own set of issues, happiness

and sadness and then we all go out of this world alone, There is nothing leaving earth

with us except for our soul. Then I believe, if we have learned our lessons and we have

done a good job here on earth, we get to be reunited with our families and our pets.

This is truly a heavenly thought. This is my faith belief. So in all honesty, my blog today is

about closing the door to the past. The part of our lives where we must accept the fact

we only had the tools to deal with that part of our lives then.

That was then, and this is now. My days of sickness are behind me

Who we are depends on each one of us. Who we are depends on our choices today.

We can choose to go out and help in some way, another person. We can choose to

love and to be kind and to forgive. We can choose to grow internally. Finally, IF we can

just accept HIM. HE, who was a Jew, yet a man who unconditionally embraced all

mankind. HE who only spoke love to his last beaten breath then saying to us all, “Father

Forgive them, for they know not what they do”.

Does that sound like some dangerous criminal we should kill?

NO, on the contrary we are afraid of his overpowering love for us all.

Is HE really too perfect for us?

Can we just try one day to do life differently? Be less stubborn by accepting HIM. Look

at our body as the Temple of God. Try to be kind to our bodies by good food and

healthy choices. Put only healthy thoughts into our mind and our actions. If someone

we know is on a darker, denser, lowly path - we may need to move away, lest we get

sucked into that darkness. Closing the door slowly, confidently and officially saying the

past is over. I will ask for help from my Lord always and when I feel weak, I will learn and

say the Light Power of Protection Prayer. Knowing when said, I am always safe from

harm.

The light of God Surrounds me,

The Love of God enfolds me,

The Power of God Protects me,

and the Presence of God watches over me, Wherever I am - God Is and All is well.

Today I ask you, “Can you officially close the door and learn from your past”?

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“Standing Still….” Blog #34

Maybe a better title could be, still standing”. How many of us can relate to that?

Our days can be completely filled with dread or a feeling of fear in not wanting to

do what we must do each day. Yet, every person alive must deal with the things

they want to put off, not think about or are beyond difficult. The biggest problem of all

comes when we refuse to see what is expected of us. The bigger problem then comes

when we “feel” we need a drink or pill or any kind of chemical help to boost us along.

So many, many of us now adays just don’t want to “feel” life. Yet, therein lies the rub.

This is where the growth takes place. This is where we learn about ourselves. We might

not even understand why we self-medicate, to the point of not wanting to “feel life”. It is

time to STOP this behavior for THIS is where we find the inner courage to do the things

we must. We must do this “cold turkey” and do it with no artificial help. Just jump right

into life issues. With the inner spiritual strength that it always available to us all.

However, there is a caveat to all of this.

How to remember this scared tool that lies within?

There will always be this unseen help, available and ready and willing to come internally

to be our ‘Guide'. I feel it now. Go someplace quiet. Be by yourself.

Ask internally these words, “Thank you for helping me find my way today, Lord”.

I just ask and help comes to me instantly. One can be assured of one very real truth. No

one is prepared for the unexpected. What is the unexpected? I personally have

experienced this and was in no way prepared. Just going along my day, planning my

day and preparing my daily life with a young family that I was in. I was a young mother,

I had an 18 month old child and I loved the work that I did. I sold houses every day. I

listed houses and we had a new home that we were so proud to own. We also had a

wonderful Golden Lab and her name was Sunny. My husband and I had a great life and

went to work every day. We did not fight or have a bad married life. We were only

married for seven years when the “unexpected” happened.

One thing we did not do was go to church together.

Externally we felt we had it all together. Internally we were in the dark. Why? We just

didn’t even think about this. We did not think it was necessary and we did not talk about

our faith together either. In fact, we did not feel the need to do this. What for? We had

all the things we could ever dream we needed. right? Don’t most people especially

today - live like this? I am guessing so. However now days there are fewer and fewer

in-tact families EVEN still standing. I have to admit though I was very caught up in my

materialistic world. I just wanted to make lots of money and buy as many things as we

could for our family. Drinking was a big part of our social life because believe it or not,

what else do you do when you get together with your married friends? I just know as I

look back and see all these parts of my life - there is only one reason why I am still

standing tall and unafraid for the most part. Jesus Christ.

When devastation came into my life and I used the only tools that I had, which was

drinking,. I went full circle until I learned that was not the answer. It doesn't matter what

you’ve heard in the past, I tell you, children learn what they see. Subconsciensly, inside

my mind were many little videos of my own life growing up and watching my own

parents drink day in and day out. Got a problem? Take a drink. Want to relax take a

drink (or a pill now too). Want to party? Take another drink! On and on life goes until

something screams at us to try something different. I know that If I look back and

someone would ask me, “Wasn’t there anyone that stood out as a mentor?” I would

have to say my grandfather who lived to be almost 100 and I saw him on his last day of

life.

He came to the breakfast table where he was still living with my aunts in Arizona.

Smelling like old spice and wearing a crisp white shirt with pressed trousers, he was old

now but kind and loving too. He winked at me when I asked “how you feeling today

Grandpa?” Smiling he said, “With my fingers honey”. I got the joke right away and

laughed. He had been a quiet man for the years I knew him. Yet, a powerful presence

of good in my life. He was always reading the paper, visiting the restaurants that his

children owned and keeping a quiet, but vigelent presence in all their lives. He ate good

food for all my high school years I lived with him. He drank a little this and a little that,

but always in moderation. He watched funny shows at night and laughed alot. I always

saw his Bible opened at the side of his bed., On the last day of his life he came down

and ate a big breakfast. He told me a funny joke and went up to take a short nap before

lunch. I found him laying peacefully on top of his chenille white bedspread. His hands

were folded across his chest. Reading-glasses lay beside him on his bedside table next

to his open Bible. He was gone now. He had returned to his real home. I silently stood

standing over him and I touched his nose and it was cold. Somehow I instinctively knew

he had lived a very fulfilled, balanced and good life. I stayed standing there for a long

time just watching how peaceful he appeared.

Now today, if I start to worry or become fearful or filled with dread, I remember that day

from so many years ago and it brings me peace. I share this story with you to bring you

peace and tell you this in truth. My Grandpa was a kind, honest and good man who

lived to be almost 100. He had a good life and so can we. Whenever we feel alone,

worried or fearful. There is only one way to stand still with courage. HE is the way and HE

is our Guide. The Christ light within you will quietly, quickly and safely lead you out of

darkness.

I ask you today, “Are you still standing alone?” Knock and the door will open now.

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''Brutal Teachers’’ Blog #33

Have you ever heard the old saying: “Life is not for sissies?” There is so much truth in

these words. Never a day goes by that we are not learning something in some way.

Whether we realize this or not, is the important piece to it all. I believe we come into this

life to learn our lessons and to help other people. All of the lessons that we learn take on

so many different faces. It is our choices in life that can bring on the great teacher

“discipline”. Discipline can confuse and conflict and contradict all that which we think

we are striving for.

When I was younger and I was very involved with a person that had many different

problems, I decided to go to a therapist to get some help. I wanted to know why my life

seemed to be so sad all the time. The man that I was seeing was elderly and kind and

had been in the profession for many, many years. He smiled at me and said,

“sometimes we choose hard situations to learn from!” I looked at him with such anger

and said: “ I didn’t choose to fall in love with this person, it just happened!” The elderly

therapist smiled again and patiently said to me, “the two of you coming together was a

lesson in learning”. I said, “What are you talking about?” He went on, “First of all, you

both were on the same wave length, you both had similar lessons to learn and that is

why you were thrown together”. I became even more frutrated and said to him, “What

lessons are you referring to?” There was a long pause before he spoke. “I think you

already know this”, he said. Both of you were needy, stuck and addicted to the wrong

kinds of emotions. When you couple that with caretaking instead of caregiving, it

becomes dysfunctional. He paused, and went on, “the big problem most people have in

this area, is that they are afraid to be alone and learn about themself!” “You, my dear

girl, are one of those people”. I remember exactly how I felt the day. I left and went

home that night, poured myself a big glass of red wine, and buried myself in my

miseries. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about”, I said.

My life went on like this for a few more years until it wiped me out. Finally, after all the

caretaking I could handle, our relationship had come full circle and was spinning in a

dead-end circle. Both of us were not ready to leave, it had to take something big and

brutal for my life to get my attention. My migraine headaches, my anxiety, and my

panic attacks were controlling me. People will find people to be in their life at whatever

level they are at. I had to keep reminding myself what a great teacher my therapist had

become to me. He showed me that I was choosing dysfunctional relationships

based on only my awareness of life. I was addicted to dysfunctional drama. I was not

ready for a healthy, happy, loving relationship. I just wanted a relationship I could

try to fix. A normal healthy, happy person just sounded boring.

He also told me something that left me cold. He said, “so often we just settle”. Based on

past sadness, based on the way in which we are raised, based on so many of our fears,

we go out into life and we choose partners that we “feel” are right for us. We sometimes

find a partner we are comfortable with because of the way we grew up. An important

question to ask ourselves is this, “Are we caregivers in the relationships around us or are

we caretakers?” Whoever is or has been in our life our “teacher” too.

Fear is a brutal teacher. Fear of anything great gets our attention fast. Physical

illness is another great teacher. We can be actually humbled by this teacher and

sickness can pull the rug right out from under us. Sickness can show us life in so many

different colors. In relationships within the family another great teacher is that" “ Brutal

Pride”. The feeling that we must keep the role we play within our family even when it isn’t

working for us any longer. Then there is the brutal beast of all,” Tough Love. Being able to say something truthful to someone close to us without crushing their spirit. How many of us are truly able to do this? IF only we can find enough self love to believe that

the Christ spirit that lives in all of us will win out. It is with this undiluted understanding

of why we are here, that brings us to accept any and all of those around us at exactly

where they are. What do I mean by this? Simply put, we cannot change another

human being. We cannot make them more loving, kinder or more truthful. However, we

an work on ourself day in and day out. We can put out a lantern of welcome rather

than a mask of disguise. We can accept certain set backs with family members exactly

as they are. This means, IF there are family members that deliberately hurt you,

remember this is because they themselves are hurting inside. Sometimes it is best to

see this, accept this, and pray for them. Then take a break for however long it takes.

That’s tough love. It is up to them, it is up to them to make the next move, as long as

you continue to be a bridge and not a wall. The peace and quiet and truthful

acceptance that you have left them remains with no regrets. Accept and move on.

I have to say that only because my faith in Christ has strengthened me.

For this belief is who I am.

Yet, I marvel at those who still insist there is nothing out there after one dies. I have only

to look at the lowly caterpillar and then at the wonderers of the monarch butterfly it

becomes. The queens death quietly at 96 years old and her own words shortly

before she died: “ Our purpose here is merely to pass through, to love and learn and

then to return home” How eloquently put. After she died there was a double rainbow over her castle. My own little son at eight years old running in our house just seven years ago excitedly telling me how he saw and spoke with Jesus personally. He went into such graphic detail, there was no doubt in my mind this had truly happened. I am

convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt, Jesus made this wonderful world for us to

live in and learn all the lessons we need to learn to GROW spiritually and go on

eternally to live. The brutal teachers come about when we refuse to learn. What greater gift to give our children, the gift of eternal hope `~ or nothing? The only

sadness lies in those who refuse to believe there is something much greater beyond.

We have only to dwell on this thought for a moment. Why else was the sun and the

moon, the stars and all of us made? Just to turn into dust? No, I do not believe thisl

This beautiful world was created for us to grow, and learn and go on living. it’s just that in the end, we need to stop, look and listen to what the universe is trying to teach us in the lessons we’ve been given

.

I ask you today, “What lesson are you being given and need to learn today?”

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“….It’s About What?” Blog #32

What is the strongest force in all the world? What is life about, really?

Think about ALL the feelings you feel every single day. People tend to “live on their

feelings”. Many people let anger get to them, making their day useless. You can choose

JOY, or you can choose day in and day out, to live in dark feelings.

What feelings get you through each and every day?

Feelings can break you down. Feelings can build you up. Some feelings are so strong

and so fearful we totally stay stuck in that sticky dark, defining mode day in and day out.

There are the other feelings of being lonely that become overwhelming, then more

feelings of sadness and those heavy feelings of substantial sorrow that simmer inside of

us all. How DO we choose to deal with the lonely, sad feelings of sorrow? Sometimes

before we know it, as if this were not enough to knock the wind out of us, along come

those sneaky, debilitating feelings that harden our heart. The lasting, hang-on feelings

of bitterness and regret.

I could go on and on and rationalize any of these feelings to adapt to my own world

very easily. I suppose that in some way, most of us can. It becomes an easy road to

drive down arriving sooner that we realize at the comfort city of “Woe-is-me”. But why?

Why do this? First and, most importantly it becomes exhausting. Then it is important to

see, It’s just plain useless. Lastly, dark feelings harbored within us, break us down. The

dark days turn into months and the years ahead - bleak. So with that being said - What

is a feeling that makes you feel good? Accomplishing something that needs to be done

and you have put off, this is a feeling of success. The feeling of wanting to laugh,

laughter. It only takes a few muscles to laugh, and it takes hundreds more to frown.

The feeling of being happy takes effort in finding a happy memory. The feeling of

contentment in “doing a kind deed for……..?”

I was once told: “IF you want to get over feelings of depression, sadness and lonliness,

go out and do something for someone else, THEN EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN. This is

when you will begin to feel a powerful inner force working. The inner force of self-love.

We cannot love others until we learn to love ourself. When you push the dark feelings of

discontent away with the desire to help someone else, life begins to become more

meaningful. Then awesome feelings of LOVE take over. Our life begins to really make

sense inside and out.

There is an old saying that goes like this, “There but for the grace of God go I”. I believe

we are only here to help other people and learn our own lessons. To try and get behind

the people in our lives, (even those who have hurt us) with gentle, genuine unconditional

love. Try hard not to judge them, criticize or condemn them to other people. If we can

do this, then this is when life takes on a new meaning. HE is watching every move we

make. When we reach in and up and ask for HIS help, heaven opens its doors and

sends amazing angelic help in so many unseen ways. When we decide to start doing

the work that we know we are here to do, we no longer just exist, but now the healing

light, the loving Christ filled light is present 24/7.

I believe in love, because without true love, HIS love, as the song goes, “We just exist”.

There are and will always be three parts to our lives. ‘The past, which is gone forever

and like the tv channels - we can choose to remember the happy segments. Then

there is the future, we have totally no control. We have only the precious present to do

with as we want to now. Think about it, when people go on a vacation they most often

take a map. Do we have good directions to “Map” out our spiritual future? Most often,

we do not think about it. Lastly, there is the present - how defining a word it is wrapped

up in a present, is our “Present” where we live at this moment. I believe our thoughts

define us. Our thoughts define WHO we are.

I know how miraculous, comforting and safe I feel by taking HIS light into my life.

Daily purposeful, powerful waves of HIS true love vibrating throughout me.

As I close today I ask you simply this,

What are the “feelings” you have today, do you feel we are meant to take

more then we give?

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''Painful & Profound” Blog #31

I write this blog today, as I do every week, in my daughter Bridget’s memory. Each week

I will try and help someone out there. Hoping my words may change someones mind

about their life choices. It has been fourteen months and fourteen days, since losing her.

I remember her laugh like yesterday. Maybe today my words can help stop another

person from losing interest in living life. I have no idea who actually reads this, I can only

hope you are moved enough to pass it on.

Today I am going to share two ncredible true stories that made a big difference in my

life. Whenever we are sad and down and out we need help to carry on. People can

affect people in miraculous ways. I know this, my life has changed one person at a time.

I believe that people were planted in my life as I needed them. Positive, productive,

prayerful people. One person at a time. Once I made up my mind, I decided I could no

longer do it alone. I humbled myself and I really did ask for help. You know what? HE

just showed up! How did HE do this? In other people. In events that happened to me.

In strong, significant signs that showed me the way.

Today I choose to share my two favorite stories with you, you can see the parallel they

both share. PAIN.

The first story I share is the painfully profound story of the Eagle. Did you know that the

eagle has the longest life span of its species? The eagle can live up to seventy years

But in order to reach this age, the eagle must make a painful and hard decision. In its

forties, the eagles long flexible talons can no longer grab prey which serve its food. Its

long sharp beak has now become bent. Its old, aged and heavy wings, due to their thick

feathers, have how become stuck to its chest and make it very difficult to fly.

Now the eagle is left with only two options: Die, or go through a painful process of

change which will last for 150 days. This process requires that the eagle fly to a

mountain top and sit on its nest. There the eagle knocks its beak against a rock until it

plucks it out. After plucking it out, the eagle will wait for a new beak to grow back. Then

it will pluck out its talons. When the new talons grow back, the eagle starts plucking out

its aged old feathers - one by one.

Then after five months, the eagle takes its famous flight of rebirth. It will now live another

thirty years. Why is change needed?

Many times, change is needed in order to survive. We have to start a new change

process. We sometimes have to get rid of old memories, old habits and other parts of

our life that are not working for us any longer. Things in our life that no longer serve us

well. Only freed from past burdens, can we then take advantage of our higher self life.

The beautiful life, we so deserve.

The Present.

Now for story number two.

HE was born in a stable in an obscure little village. From there he traveled less than 200

miles. HE never won an election. HE never went to collage. HE never owned a home. HE

never had a lot of money. HE became a nomadic preacher. Popular opinion turned

against him. HE was betrayed by a close friend and his other friends ran away. HE was

unjustly condemned to death. Crucified on a cross among common thieves, on a hill

overlooking the town dump.

And when dead, layed in a borrowed grave. Twenty centuries have come and gone,

empires have risen and fallen, mighty armies have marched. Yet no one man has

affected mankind as much as HE. HE is the central figure of the whole human race.

HE is the Messiah, the Son of God. Jesus Christ. {Spartan Arts}

There is only one truth is all of life. We can try to run, but we can never hide from

truth. Nothing in a person’s life will ever change until they decide to. Here’s a powerful

quote, “Keep doing the same thing and you will be guaranteed the same thing will keep

happening.” The truth is the unconditional love HE has for you and for me. WHY ignore

it?

So I close today giving you these two stories and ask you this question. In your own life,

has it brought you to the painful, profound place of truth now, how are you willing to

change?

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“It’s Unfinished” Blog #30

When we realize we are here to learn our lessons and help other people, our life

then becomes meaningful. Someone once said to me: “Have you ever seen a

hearse with a luggage rack on it?” Other than being depressing, what could that

possibly mean to you or I?

Quite simply put - we can’t take it with us. All the things that we accumulate here

on earth, we can’t take. At the end of the day, we finally must realize that we

come into the world alone and go out of this world alone.

Yet, look at ALL the in between…..what are we all about? We most often, start in

a family and move up thru the family chain of one memory after another and then

we adopt to our new family of choice, a wife or husband and our own children.

Our own children to raise them as we see fit. What does this possibly mean?

I was reading some statistics the other day and it saddened me beyond

belief to see that the “family as we use to know it, does not exist anymore”.

Wives and husbands have gone their separate ways, children are raising

themselves and the saddest piece to all of this is that unfinished part. How

do we help the children find their way when they are lost in despair and sadness

and isolation? Things happen along the way, every day we experience some

part of life that affects us in a positive or a negative manner. I remember back…

I was at the top of my game. I was a super seller of homes and I knew it. My

husband and I were successful beyond our concept of how much money we

could possibly make in our mid twenties. We had a huge home, a healthy little boy,

a cabin and a speed boat. We both drove new cars and better still, we bought

anything we wanted to without a care in the world. In the back of my mind though,

I knew, I always knew something was not right. Life was perfect as long as I did

not slow down and think about it. There were parts of my family that were in

darkness. There were parts of my husband’s family that he never even wanted

to talk about, much less share. Then there was religion and faith and all that

stuff, all the stuff that we just did’nt bother getting into. We left it alone….

You might say it was unfinished business, but it was uncomfortable to talk

about. My husband came from a family that were not really believers in HIM

or practicing Christians. I was not either. I came from a family that said they were

“Christians” and they attended church religiously. However they lived contrary to

everything they said they believed in. It was so confusing that I swore that

when I got married, it just wasn’t going to matter. I wouldn’t think about it.

The important parts of my life were left unfinished.

Yet we brought children into the world without a strong faith to support us.

Now I look around and backwards at my own life decades ago and so much

sadness and sorrow and tragedy. I had no way to deal with all of this.

Today I know this one fact to be true.

IF I did not know HIM in my life, my life would be meaningless. IF I did not believe

all the family members that have died, are gone forever and I will never in all

eternity see them again, my life would be meaningless. IF my children came

to me and asked “Why mom, why did all this have to happen?” Then I would

have nothing to tell them. This is the reason so many people have no faith to pass on

to their children and the skyrocketing suicide numbers. IF my children came to me

and saw so much sadness around them, and for instance their best friend had just

died. “Why MOM, why did this have to happen?” IF I had nothing to tell them, then my

life AND their life would be meaningless.

It is time for each of us to look deep inside and see what it is that defines WHO

we are. We are being asked to do this in so many ways. Those of us that have

children, will have questions coming from them until the day that we die.

HOW WILL WE ANSWER THE QUESTIONS THEY HAVE?

What defines WHO you are? Can you honestly look into a little Childs face and not

want to talk about angels, and the Devine light of eternal love, HIS love? This is HIS

unconditional love for each and every one of us. This is faith and this is what keeps

family together. Even in divorce, children can feel the pain less, if the parents talk less

about blaming each other, and more about HIS love for supporting us. Children are

not born with hatred. Children are born with love for both parents. Of all the things that

you own, what is it that you own in your house that is religious? Our possessions cannot

possess us, things go away, people go away, But HIS love never leaves us. Remember

when I told you to close your eyes and sit very quietly with yourself and ask…..”who is my

guardian angel? the answer will come. It did for me. I am convinced beyond the

shadow of a doubt that there is something so beautiful beyond this life we are living.

I am convinced because I have had many miracles happen to me.

There was a movie out years ago that depicted what I am saying quite graphically.

If you get a chance, watch the movie with Demi Moore, “Ghost”. This movie shows

the darker side of life and Whoopi Goldberg brings in some funny lines, but it’s the end

of the movie that grips you, I can’t tell you what it is, for I will give it away. Watch the

movie and you will get it, no question.

I remember an interview that was given by Mother Theresa years ago, she

was one person that wound up with the Nobel Piece Prize. She did so much

good in the world in healing the leaper colonies and with the Little Sisters

of the Poor. She was a little bit of a woman with a strong constitution. She

was also in New York one year before she died and a newscaster was

interviewing her and asked her this question, “With so much grief in the world

how can any one person begin to make a difference?” Mother Theresa looked up

at him and smiled. “One person at a time”, she said. I also remember when

I was overcome with grief after loosing family members, my spiritual

counselor at the time told me something that has stuck with me for years.

“If you want to forget about your own grief, go out and help someone else.”

How unselfish that statement is right? But then, I also remember hearing

this, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears”. Whats missing in your life?

I will close on that note today and ask you simply this:

“Are you ready now to take care of some unfinished business?”

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“Family Divided” Blog # 29

It’s funny what’s important to us at the end of the day. We may say to one

another, “oh, my family is no big deal. I haven’t seen them or spoken to them for

so long, I can’t even remember”. But we all know deep inside, exactly how badly it

hurts. I remember back almost thirty years ago when I first met my husband at

an Open House that I was having. It was somewhat ironic because I had been to

church that morning and silently told God that I wish I could meet someone

“without any baggage”. I wished for just a kind, honest, loving companion to go

on a date with. At any rate, he came to my Open House I was holding and

immediately explained that he didn’t even know why he was here because he

had gotten lost driving around and wasn’t really looking for a house to buy, but

maybe in the market for a nice townhome”. He took my card, called me later in

the week and by the following week, I had sold him a townhome that was just

beautiful!

I have to admit, after a big thank you bouquet of flowers and an invitation to go to

dinner the next week. We were dating and he was every much the gentleman

and kind and honest and loving man that I had prayed for in church a couple

months back. One Saturday morning he told me that he needed to go to a

nearby state to visit his father who had been hospitalized with a large tumor on

his lung. He also told me that his mother had passed away years before and he

was an only child. I jumped at the chance to take the four hour drive down on a

sunny Saturday morning. I was told we would spend an hour or two max, and

then drive back to town in time for a nice dinner. None of it happened the way we

expected. I did get to meet his charming father. My husband was excited to have

his dad meet me and I liked him right away. He looked so small in the big hospital

bed but his attitude was cheerful and we talked and laughed as he offered me

a butter mint. However, just as he was about to say something else, the nurse

walked in. She told us she needed to give him a breathing treatment and could

we wait in the lobby for about thirty minutes? When we stepped out of his

hospital room, my future husband told me he had a couple of important business

calls to make and would be back shortly. I sat down and tried looking at a

magazine on a table next to me. Ten or twenty minutes passed and his fathers

nurse came out of the room and walked up to me looking very serious. “You

know” , she said. I have been a hospice nurse for over thirty years and I always

know this type of thing…..” I wondered whatshe was referring to? “He was waiting.

He was waiting for his son to come”. she said.. “There must be something unsaid

between them.

As soon as he comes back, please tell him, if there is anything that needs to be

said, he should do it now …..I doubt he makes it through the night.” What?! I Said.

“How could that be? He just seemed fine when we were in the room a little bit

ago…” I know she said, life and death are so very fragile….. just please relay this

message will you?”

As soon as my future husband came back, I shared everything with him that the

nurse had told me. He looked down at the floor. I studied this man I had only

known for a few short months. He was tall and brusque and his handsome

features spoke of having a strong handle on life. Just being around him gave you

the feeling that everything would be handled regardless. Yet, as I looked into his

eyes as I shared all this information with him, he appeared to be filled with

sadness instantly. His whole demeanor took on a heavy feeling as I heard him

turn to me and say, “come with me please, I really would like it if you were there”.

I nodded my head and together, we walked into the hospital room. It was now

close to two in the afternoon and the sun was streaming in on the bed. I looked

out the window and the October trees were filled with gold, magenta and

burnished brown leaves, falling slowly to the ground. It was so very surreal to be

part of such a private moment with his father. I walked around the bed and I saw

his father open his eyes, he smiled sadly and looked directly at his son. I watched

as my future husband sat down quietly in a chair next to his father. He picked up

his fathers hand and held it saftly. Then he spoke the following words, “It’s okay

Dad, it’s okay that you never told me you loved me. It’s okay because I still love

you”. At precisely that exact moment - his father nodded his head in agreement

and slowly closed his eyes. He then died in front of us. The nurse was watching

from the end of the bed.

All three of us had tears in our eyes. “He just needed that closure. He knew what

was missing from a family that was divided.”

It was all as it should be now.

No regrets. No hidden agenda. No ulterior motives.

JUST RAW HONEST TRUTH.

I guess I could have met a hundred people that could or would have ever given

me testimonials on the character of my husband, but I knew, at that moment I

had met a man with the most forgiving heart I could imagine. As much as his

father divided the family by withholding these three words, my husband banished

all doubt of division with his forgiving heart. As I close today with just this story, I

ask you is there any family member that needs to hear these words, “Its okay,

because I still love you regardless”. Can you bring yourself to feel the love HE has

for you unconditionally? You will never regret this. Our time is so short yet so

valuable each and every day we are alive. Take time today and find that

member of your family that is hurting ond has caused a hardened heart.

“Can you do this……can you say, “it’s okay, I still love you”?

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“Living in Lies” Blog #28

I was watching a movie the other night that gave a very interesting definition of

Lying. An old Grandpa was talking to his grandson and told him there were three kinds

of lies. This really caught my attention. What are the three kinds of lies? 1. lying out of

fear 2. lying out of stupidity and 3. lying because of Love. He went on to say that the

worst thing for a person to deal with is the FEAR. People are afraid and they feel the fear

“all by themself”. Feeling this FEAR and being afraid all alone makes a person want to dig

a deeper hole and hide. I remember this kind of “fear” and I remember how it brought

on more drinking deeper anxiety and super stress. When I finally decided to get the

counseling I so desperately needed - the wisest old Guru of a teacher told me an

astonishing fact: “The worst thing is to be afraid all by yourself. When you choose to

SHARE your fear - you give HALF of it away!”

This is a remarkable awareness. When you choose to share your fear - no matter what

it is - YOU GIVE HALF OF IT AWAY. This is exactly how we are helped each and every day.

In my own life, I see such sadness all around me in the lives of people I know and love.

They are either dealing with extreme illness and cannot find a cure for their sickness.

Or they have made a life decision - left their wife or husband and the children are

suffering the pain and the regret and the sadness of never being in that “intact” family

again. More then this - the children that are products of divorce are dealing and

struggling and living with such FEAR. Who is going to tell them the truth about life as

they should know it? Who is going to help children find their way in an honest, healthy,

healing way? The lies that permeate our day to day existence are everywhere. It begins

to seem so overwhelming, we choose to ignore and go our separate way. I believe this

fact to be true. FEAR dictates our Daily barometer. Fear decides our course of living

each and every day if we but allow it. Fear is why we don’t share the truth with the

people we used to love. I really had to dissect why that old grandpa said there were

three types of lies. If a person tells a lie because of fear - fear of finding out the truth

behind the lie - it just goes on and on and on…. the truth stays hidden.

If a person tells a lie because of stupidity, it is easier to learn from this lie and move on.

However, if a person tells a lie out of love - this lie hurts the liar the most he said! What

in the world can that mean?

To tell a lie out of love and have it hurt the liar the most?

Well, some people get sick and know they are sick and refuse to tell the people around

them, who they love the most. They are also afraid - for fear of whatever? At that point,

the liar gets sicker and in finding out the truth of why they are sick, the sicker they

get, the more they hurt and then they die. All of this occurs out of fear. I do believe that somewhere

inside my daughter; Bridget - she knew she was sick. She had refused to go the doctor

for a very long time. She began self-medicating and the pills and the liquor

camaflauged the pain.

Life becomes distorted for so many people. The lie takes on a dark persona of even

deeper darkness. At some point, because of our own choices there is the sheer fact

when we were born HE gave us the gift of choice. We always get to choose our own

path. Until and unless and if we do not want HIS help, HE does not interfere. We are

given the gift of FREEWILL. The Lord lets us live the life that we have chosen to live.

There is an old saying that goes like this, “Oh the powerful webs of deceit we weave

when we practice to deceive.” To live in the world and BE in the world and not get

caught up in the world is the most powerful test.

Every one of us was once a child. Most of us believed as we were growing up, we

would have a beautiful family of our own some day, a perfect home and a good job.

Then we chose to buy into the big lie and throw it all away for personal, sensual

satisfaction. We could not interally understand why we would want to do this.

Yet, there are many mothers and fathers of young children that have just let them go.

Left them to their own lot of figuring life out without a strong father role, or a strong

mother role. I ask you now what kind of life do you think they are going to choose?

There is a reason why the earth is round. What goes around, comes around and our life

does catch up with us - I can guarantee you this.

So, what are you afraid of today? What kind of lies have you accepted in your own

life that keep you stuck? Remember the three kinds of lies? There are the lies we give

ourselves out of fear. Fear of the unknown is such a fearful place to be. I found that just

by embracing HIM took care of that in a breath. The lies because of stupidity, can be

learned. We all know who we are. What do we want to change today that can make life

a little bit easier for us? How are we continuing to live the lie of deceit?

Then there are the iies we tell, out of love. We love our families, like I know that Bridget

did, yet she lived a lie out of fear and being afraid to go to the doctor. These lies bring

moe lies. They bring more delusion and more pain each day. I had an old maid aunt

that had her own life dream crushed. I saw it as a little girl. She was a very successful

business woman in the cities, President of the Women’s Business Association. She

married the love of her life. He was handsome, charming and successful. They had a

beautiful home by the lake ……for a while. Then he got a young girl pregnant and left my

aunt to marry this girl. My aunt was totally devastated. She spiraled downhill. She

became a raging alcoholic. Her own family turned on her and told all the restaurants

and bars in town, not to “serve her any drinks”. She quit caring. Her beautiful custom

made clothes and perfumed blouses were replaced with old housecoats she lived and

slept in. One day a dark growth started on her neck and it grew and grew. All the while

she was sick, I remember being at my grandpas house where she now lived. She would

sit at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. A camel cigarette was burning in the

ashtray as she circled the ads for jobs. She looked up at me one day and said: “Who’s

kidding who?” My beautiful aunt had become a delapitated, frail, diseased ridden

being. She died later that year alone with her fearful lies. Can you take a moment

today and find a way to do something different, invite HIM in to share your fear? Don’t

be afraid because when your share your fear, HE takes half of it away from you.

As I close today, I ask you this: “What is the lie you are now living in?”

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“Dangers Dance” Blog #27

When I was a little girl, I used to bite my lip, avoid stepping on cracks in the sidewalk

and hold my breath to a certain number …. all to make things ok in my own mind.

We all have different mannerisms and traits and secret little habits to make the

moment work each day in our lives. The funny part aboutf all of this is as we age,

we find different “fixes” for this dangerous dance in our mind. If we have faith that

grooms a healthy child then this brings about the belief that implants childish trust and

sets in “blind faith”. I know for a fact, the majority of all of us, as we look back over our

lives, could not picture ourselves exactly where we have come to be, at this moment.

Once again, it is the stress of each day that dictates our decisions for whether we go

forward or stay stuck. Very often we make our decisions based on fear. Then because

of this, we feel we cannot move forward. “Look what I have done?” we think. “Look how I

acted?”

“See the sadness that I created?” and so we stay stuck. The days turn into months and

the months become one year after the next. We just leave that memory alone. Did you

ever stop to think this thought, “The past is gone, I have new choices now!” At the end of

every day we only have the moment ahead to dictate how we will decide to go forward.

Another old saying, “Keep on doing the same things and the same things will keep

happening”. Can that decision possibly bring about healthy growth? Some people

believe they had so much misfortune, why not throw in the towel? Why not just give up,

Why not let it all go down the drain, and just die?’ Unfortunately the odds that your soul

life will be simpler and easier and better once you are gone, are not good. Not good

because you can’t possibly know the outcome! What IF everything you believe to be

TRUE on the other side of living is FALSE? No single person has concrete proof that life is

better or worse or non-existent once you are gone. Yet, so many people believe that to

end one’s life, is perhaps the best medicine, given all they have been dealt. The is truly

“dangers dance”. A person begins to skirt their way around all that life has given them

to deal with. “Poor me,” they think, look what I have been through.”

We are responsible for our own path and our own mission and our own decisions. Every

person that is in our life is in our life for a reason and they are here to see what we are

choosing to do with each and every day involving them. What do we do with each day

we are given? IF you are sad and depressed and let lethargic thoughts surround you

because of all the sadness that has come into your life - THIS IS EXACTLY WHERE YOU

CHOOSE TO BE.

Yet, know this - YOU ARE NOT GROWING AT A SOUL LEVEL , LIFE IS about overcoming all the

odds in the life lessons you are given”. Some years back after my tragedy with my

mother, my neighbor had become a good friend and stopped over to offer me a ticket

to an inspirational speaker. She wasn’t able to go and offered me her ticket. When I got

there, I found hundreds of cars, barely a space to park and a convention center filled

with people, I did not even know what man had commanded such a following.

However, now it peaked my interest and I tried to find a place to sit.

Midway down a filled row of people, there was one seat next to a particularly chatty

man laughing and talking to the woman on his right. I sat down and hoped no one

would speak to me. I had pushed myself to go to this, now I would stay and leave

quickly. I had so much real estate work to do. Yet, as the convention continued and

Deepak Chopra was speaking, I was still lost in my own misery. It was very difficult to

concentrate. I decided at the intermission…… I was out of there.

As I tried to navigate through the people to get to the front door and go to my car, it

was becoming harder and harder. There were people everywhere in line for coffee and

snacks or just talking. Suddenly, a hand touched my shoulder and I turned around. It

was the man who had been sitting next to me in the auditorium. He had the bluest eyes

and the kindest smile. What he said next to me, had a greater impact on me than all

the self-help books or counseling sessions I had ever been to. “I hope you are enjoying

yourself as much as I am. “ he said I immediately thought - “He has no idea of what I

have gone through”.

He continued to speak in a quiet, assured tone. “You know, I lost my wife and four

daughters in a house fire, yet I have come to realize I am so thankful for the lessons that

I have learned from their deaths”. He smiled at me confidently and disappeared into the

crowd! I never even got his name, he knew nothing about me and I would never see

him again! How did this happen so quickly and what in the world did he mean by this

comment? “He was so thankful…..?” thankful for WHAT? I became so emotional that I

got to my car and I was crying hard. More than anything else I had misjudged this total

stranger. Yet, he left me with such confusion. What in the world could he have meant?

In the following months and years I started studying hermeneutics and the study of the

Bible. I began reading many books about “Soul work” and also “Spiritual Truths” I came

to the understanding that I was not even on the tip of the icberg, but I was definitely on

a good path of evolving in a positive way.

I started questioning my own purpose for living. I STOPPED DRINKING/SMOKING.

I stopped doing everything my own way and doing “dangers dance daily”. I started

trying new, healthy ways of living and eating and thinking. This is what I came up with.

Each of us CANNOT stop another person from their own personal choices. I know I have

gone back over my own gudance for my daughter who tragically died last year and I

cannot lie, I did question WHY?

Why wasn't she able to be saved? Why couldn’t the universe come forth and give her a

miracle if I truly do believe in miracles? There cannot be a life saved when that life is on

a path of deliberate destruction. Heavens doors will open when we ask for HELP for

ourselves. Each and every one of us are given “Free Will” and we each have that choice

daily. We cannot save another human being from THEMSELF. However, we can save

ourself by choosing to STOP “Dangers Dance”. Ask HIM for help today.

IF we are taking drugs, smoking, vaping and taking pills to curb anxiety, to stop

thinking or buy one more day - we are just existing. Maybe your addictions are not

drugs or alcohol. Maybe they are anger, resentment, and fear for how people have hurt

you horrifically. Do you continue to carry a grudge? Can you find it in your heart to

learn the lesson why they were or are there? Can you forgive them unconditionally?

For each of us are on our own soul path. Each of you know who you are. Staying stuck

breeds more anger, resentment and contempt. This stops a soul from evolving in a

positive, productive healthy manner. So, can you take a deep breath, just breathe in

another deep breath, and breathe out all negative feelings for someone who has kept

you stuck in their own darkness. Maybe this has kept you from letting go. So just

breathe deep, and watch what happens.

I end this blog and ask you in all earnest; “Can you stop this dangerous dance today?”

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“Cruel Countdown” Blog #26

In one single day our life can beCOME the best memory ever, or the darkest day

imaginable. We can try, we can try with all our might to be prepared for the

unexpected. Yet, you can bet, it is impossible to do this. The events I am about to share

with you actually happened one and a half years before my wonderful daughter,

Bridget was born.

This is about my mom.

I still remember, all those years ago, how much Bridget would have loved her. We only

had our cherished little boy and he was our pride and joy at just one years old. It was a

hot summer day on July 11th and I was so busy with real estate appointments, I did not

know which appointment to go to first. Our son was busy throwing his food on the floor

from his little hand, sitting in his highchair. I was dressed in my new creme pantsuit.

Why in the world I poured a tippy cup of grape juice for him and forgot to screw on the

cap tightly, I will never know. The lid flew off and grape juice was all over floor, I

watched as he laughed and laughed. I got angrier and angrier!

I grabbed the cup and went to wipe off the top of the high chair tray, as it got knocked

over on the floor. The rest of his juice right down the front of my pants! I yelped and

screamed thinking “this was definitely the worst day yet”, little did I know.

This was the beginning of a “cruel countdown” that lay ahead for me. How misplaced

our priorities in life can be until the Universe decides to step in. The next moment was

definitely serendipitous. Definitely, as I look back, my angels got my attention.

Thankfully, I listened to my heart and not my head. For I believe all the events that

happened next, were meant to be.

I went outside on my back step, shaking off food, crumbs and trying to clean off

my pantsuit, only to make it way worse! I was obsessed with my “ruined morning”!

I just sat down on the stoop of my back patio and stared up at that blue sky. “Why me?”

I thought, “Why did this have to happen!?” All of a sudden, as if in a magical moment of

mystery, a complete alternative thought came into my head. “Why am I doing this?”, I

thought. Why am I racing to work on this unreal beautiful day? I have never taken my

little boy to the beach. Then an additional immediate thought. Call my Mom…. I need to

call my mom to come with. too. When did I ever go to the beach with her before?

Today held the bluest sky, so peaceful Not a day like this that I could remember,

it was a perfectly gorgeous summer morning. My husband will think I am absolutely

crazy!! We had so many apointments. Yet, when he walked into the kitchen and saw the

“grape juice fiasco”. He took one look at me and said, “No problem honey, I can handle

our appointments today. You go on to the lake with our little guy and your mom.”

And so we did. Not knowing still, the cruel countdown was clicking off time.

The memory is crystal clear still in my mind as we drove off to the beach. My mom had

brought over a big black umbrella, a thermos of lemonade and her big old soft quilt.

We were set. We no sooner settled down on the grass by the beach and she was off to

get her favorite little grandson a chocolate ice cream cone. I still see them walking

back on the beach, my mom could not lick the ice cream fast enough to keep from

melting and both of them had chocolate all over their faces. I felt totally relaxed. So

happy to have made this decision. We sat talking for the longest time while my little boy

took his nap under my moms great big umbrella. Hours seem to fly by, still I was

oblivious to the cruel unexpected countdown.

Suddenly off in the distance, just as I told my Mom it was time to get going and

“someone” would be awfully hungry now that he was awake from his nap. I looked up

and saw my husband approaching with a big picnic basket of goodies. A wonderful

surprise dinner picnic. He said he had finished our appointments and “something had

come over him to get us food and come find us at the beach.” Then he even

announced he had brought the last bottle of White Wine we had in the

refrigerator and saved for company this upcoming weekend. I had no time to protest.

He had the wine already poured and my mom was making a toast to the three of us for

such a nice surprise. We sat there eating our chicken and potato salad with french

bread. I watched as my mom bit into a red grape, chewing it in half and giving it to her

grandson.

Tick….. Tick….. The countdown was fast approaching now. The cruelty of it all was I had

no idea of the unexpected. I had no idea what was about to unfold. As we left our

wonderful picnic that evening, my mom smiled and gave me a hug. Getting in her car,

she looked over at me smiling, “honey, this is one of the best times I can ever remember

with you, let’s do it more often.” As she drove awaiy, she made sure to roll down her

window, and I heard “Love you…..see you tomorrow!” I nodded, throwing her a kiss.

The following morning at 9:20 a.m. my mother was murdered by a drug addict.

Whatever cash she had was gone from purse. When this happened, I was no where

near her home. I was out looking at houses on a real estate tour with my company

associates. I vividly remember coming back to my office that held about 25 - 30

people. As I walked into the office - everything became eerily quiet. The cruel

countdown had now caught up with me. I can only say with a broken heart, It took

years just to accept the pain before I could move on. For a long time I had dropped into

darkness, hiding behind my dangerous drinking. Regardless of all the facts that

unfolded, I had no way to prepare for this horror. I only had my own memories with my

mom. I also realized almost immediately though, that I had no regrets. For I had been

given the ultimate gift, the gift of using my time in the best way. This beautiful

consolation blanketed me with no regret. I had that last day with her and I listened to

my heart. Were my Guardian Angels preparing me for the cruel countdown? Yes, I

believe this to be true. Every single one of us have a higher self that we can tap into, if

we believe. Those days of darkness with my mothers tragedy are far behind me now.

I have been able after so much trial and error, to finally come back to HIM. I understand

and I accept and I believe there is a magnificent plan for each of us. Yet, it is up to EACH

of us to try to accept what has been given to us. When we try to learn from the situation

that has happened to us, then we go forward with HIS help and guidance. I can’t tell

you how much better it is to do it that way. It’s a complete release. Not knowing what

the waters are like, would you go out in a boat without a life raft?

I ask you today in all earnest, are you prepared for the unexpected?

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“Letting Go” Blog #25

Isn’t it funny, what we decide to hang on to?

Sometimes we hang on to family stuff from years and years past. We hang on to

hurts that our own parents have done to us, that we refuse to let go of, we just don’t

want to let go, no matter what.

In our life all we have is memories, we can only hold on to our memories. The daily

dilemma and the daily grind and the daily hurt, of just going back and forth with people.

The people that are around us are everything to our daily peace of mind. Some of the

people that we insist on holding on to, we have to let go of. I understand and believe

and know that in my own life, I was stuck for a very long time holding on to memories

that were not healthy. Now a lot of people may wonder why that matters? Because

forgiveness is major important to forgive the past that has hurt us. Especially if we have

parents that were hurtful in many ways. So often we think, “Oh, I can just move on and

not really think about it, but we do.” ALL of our relationships that we have brought into

our lives, are there for the purpose of learning lessons from. It sometimes takes a

lifetime to learn one lesson. Then we go on through our life and we choose friendships

Some of them, for the sole purpose of “fixing”. We have friends like that. We all know

people like that. We see people a certain way and we want to fix them. Lots of times this

is so we do not have to look at ourselves. So often we want to do for someone else,

what we refuse to do for ourself. In my own life, because my own childhood was so

filled with drama and drinking and dysfunction - I became addicted to dysfunction.

I didn’t realize it - but I really was addicted to daily drama. My parents fought, and

drank and fought and drank every day they were together. They did’t really know

anything else. Us children were robbed of fun-loving parents who did family things

together and encouraged their children in a healthy way. Drinking was everywhere and

everything to them and every day of their lives. So, when I grew up and decided to look

for a mariage partner.

Healthy, happy normal people were actually boring to me.

My father died at the ripe old age of 52 and never knew any other kind of life. I hated

what he did to our family and I swore I would never forgive him. However, that was my

lesson. What in the world do I mean by this statement? Maybe we have hurt someone

very badly. Maybe no matter how we look at it, or dissect it or try to fix it, the damage is

done. We cannot go back and make it all better again. Yet, just by acknowledging we

understand this to be true.

This is the beginning of healing a wounded heart. Words and actions are powerful

weapons. I remember a time in my life, many years ago when I couldn’t imagine

anyone telling me what to do. I was very stubborn. I could not fathom having humility

I was my own boss and my own dictator and HE was not really in my life. I had been

hurt all my childhood and into adulthood and no one was going to tell me anything.

I remember how important the wrong things were. I remember putting the important

pieces of my life on a back burner and then living life dangerously. I look back at life

now. Somehow I decided with HIS help, I am willing to take complete ownership of all

that I did. Knowing these things, I move forward accepting I cannot change anyone’s

heart. I can only change my own heart and my own behavior. We can pray someone

changes. However, it is not the best idea to have a pollyanna approach to life.

What do I mean by this? Some people stay stuck for a whole lifetime and its okay.

There will be some people that refuse to ever accept an apology. Regardless of what

you do. They will never change their mind and they will take their memories to their

grave. There will be some people that carry a grudge with them now and forevermore.

There will be some people that never accept a request for honest renewed friendship.

These people are out there and they are keeping YOU and I stuck if we allow this.

I came to the understanding that life its about all these moments and what we

decide to make of them. We cannot control what other people do, or other people.

The hardest part of letting go is the hurt. We remember the hurt and what we feel

they have done to us to bring about such pain. A memory can surface and we

refuse to let go of it because we see it only one way - our own way. It’s time though, If

you are reading this now, it is time to let it go. Letting go lifts the veil of discontent and

sadness. It frees all the parties to each memory.

I know that years and years ago, my daughter: Bridgets father and I were divorced.

This hurt the family terribly. Bridget and her brother were very small children. Children

should never have to choose which parent they want to be with. After divorce, children

lose the chance to sit down at the family dinner table together. Divorce brings on so

many other dysfunctional daily dilemmas. Daily pain surfaces. Then out of anger and

sadness and mistrust, mad memories are made. Children grow up and seeds of anger

and mistrust and sadness stay hidden within.

This is exactly what happened to me and my family. There were many years of

darkness and dysfunction and bitter feelings between people involved.

However for me, this is where HE came into focus and I had a chance to acknowledge

this. I completely understand the role that I played and that brought on awareness.

I began to accept that HE died for us and he was forsaken by his own closest friends,

yet he kept on his path and knew what he was suppose to do. Its important to believe

we will only be able to move on and let go of all our past mistakes, sadness. and regret,

when we decide to just “Let go” of all of it. The blame, the worry the reasons……

Every moment of every day we are encircled by our thoughts and our memories

and our daily ideas. This is exactly who we are. This is what makes us weak or strong.

IF we want to have complete clarity and peace of mind and happiness, we have to let

go of these things that keep us stuck in our sadness, anger and regret. Letting go allows

us to peacefully go forward without that burden of regret.

REGRET AND NOT LETTING GO ARE TWIN THIEVES, THEY ROB US OF OUR PEACE OF MIND.

Now that I have shared this with you, I remind you that these are each of our own

separate lessons to learn from.

Today is a brand now day, everything you have done that brings you sadness in

the past, can be gone in a moment.

“Let go.” You can give it up and give it to HIM right now. This is exactly what I try to do

and I want to share this with you today. IF there is a person or persons, in your life, like

there certainly has been In my life, that have hurt you with their words or their actions,

and they refuse to apologize to you. Say a prayer right now for forgiveness.

FORGIVE THEM. Whether it be your mother or father or sister or brother or wife or

husband or any friend, it does not matter. Forgive them now!

Let this go. Turn it all over and release those bad feelings. They can be no more.

Perhaps after letters written. words said, you hear nothing, still, …. Let it go.

Give it to HIM and feel the pressure release. Actually feel the heavy burden stuck within,

lift from every part of your being. Every person is on a different path and we cannot

judge them for this.

Today as I leave you I ask,

“Are you ready to “Let Go” of past burdens weighing you down?”

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“Stinging Setbacks” Blog #24

Just when You have it all worked out, the bottom drops out - You are asked to TRUST.

Yet, if a person has no faith, what are they supposed to trust in?

If a person suddenly has a tremendous setback in any part of their life that takes major

mind setting trust - what exactly can someone trust in when the

“complete unplanned for” happens?

There is no possible way of getting everything you want, every single day and not

having any setback. This is life and each and everyone of us are party to it. We came

into life alone and we will go out of life alone. In the in-between, the day to day journey

that takes us either down or up depending on the event. One single phone call and the

whole world can change for you in an instance. How do I know this? I have been alive

for over seven decades and I know this to be a fact. I have tried desperately to do it

alone - I failed. There is not one single person alive that can safely say without a doubt

in their mind, they are prepared completely for the unexpected.

No one is prepared for the unexpected.

Yet, we all go along our way, each and every day, for the most part - not thinking about

the unexpected that can bring into our fold, horrific setbacks. Does a person ever stop

to think that our “Life Lessons” are IN the setbacks? Do we even ask ourselves “why ARE

we here? As we acquire more things and more people in our life we take on more daily

problems and little by little the right attitude toward life, the spiritual piece, the part that

really matters - gets shoved way in the back,

until………….

Now you might say to yourself right now, “Oh, I have my moments, I know the right thing

to do and I maybe, just maybe, I might believe there is something else to my life, a

deeper piece, if only I was given a little glimpse, a little miracle, or a little unseen help

when I really need it, other wise what’s the use?” How many of us have that thought?

Probably all of us, at one time or another. Yet, as I sit here and write this I believe with

my whole heart, it is the life lessons each and every day, especially the setbacks, the

sadness, and the death we deal with that teaches us great lessons we must learn.

I would do anything in my power to bring my daughter back alive again. At the end of

her short life, she had so many setbacks, so many stinging setbacks. She chose and she

believed if she medicated herself enough, it would all go away. So she took another pill,

drank another drink, and did it work? It did, and so she is gone. Did she die because

of purposely choosing this? Or was there one drink too many and one pill pushing

her over the edge? We will never know. Look at what set-backs occurred when she

left this earth. Her children, her family and so many others all around her energy, were

devastated by her loss. The horrific setback that happened will be a life lesson for her

children as long as they are alive. They did not choose this lesson to have to learn from,

it was given to them.

My daughter Bridget was brilliant. She was beautiful. She was funny. Bridget could not

handle setbacks and she had not incorporated FAITH into her life. She would never have

abused her body and her mind IF she believed “her body was the temple of God”. She

never would have given into the stinging setbacks that kept happening, if she was able

to use the tools of her faith and incorporate this into her life. Because of her choices in

life, the rest of her family as well as me, her mother, experienced stinging setbacks for

the rest of our lives.

However, I do believe in HIS light that has shown me beyond a doubt that we are not

from here, we are only here on earth to learn our lessons and to help other people. It’s

up to us each and every day to find a way. Study, learn and pray and find a way to

have courage.

STAY STRONG IN THE MIDST OF DARKNESS

The hardest part is to Trust in this statement. I know this. I have been there. I have been

to the darkest place and back. Trust me, there is no other way. Cold turkey, straight on,

no leaning on drugs, alcohol or pills. Just using the mind HE gave me and believing

“this too will pass”.

So as I close today, on a shorter note but still so important. I want to share these words.

I did it. You can do it too. You can trust in HIM to take it from here. Say a quiet prayer to

yourself now and know and believe and trust if it is for your highest good and the

highest intent of your deserving it, then it will be known to you. There is a brilliant saying

and it goes like this….

“Be in the world, but not of the world.”

Finances are huge. Financial setbacks can be crippling. A car breaking down,

thousands of dollars owed can bring on true anger and fear and rejection of HIM.

This means don’t get caught up in the every day trials and tribulations - move on.

Even if I have a life altering event, my daughter dies and no longer here. This is a life-

altering event truly, but I cannot remain angry at HIM. I have to renew my faith and

make it stronger. This is the key. This is being in the world but not being caught up in it.

We have to live in the world, we have no choice, but we can choose to have HIM with us

every move. This is critical advice that we should all try to encompass in all of our lives

24/7. Finally before I close, remember this,

You are never alone. We are never alone. HE is with you every step of the way.

Now I ask you sincerely, “Do you have the tools ready for all of YOUR setbacks?”

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“What’s Next?” Blog #23

So many times in my life I have been stuck and wondered how can I possibly go on?

I find that in the past I made choices for myself, that got me in deeper trouble, because

I jumped from one thing to the next without taking time to sort through my thoughts.

This was when I insisted on being my own boss and NOT looking to HIM for help.

This day and every other day as well, are only filled with 24 golden hours period.

We then get to do whatever we feel we need to do to exist within that time frame.

So many of us decide to lie to ourselves day in and day out. Deceit is our closest

companion and telling lies gets easier as the days go by.

What I mean by thls bold statement is we do not allow ourselves total and complete

transparency. Seeing life through the eyes of drinking, or popping pills or taking

dangerous drugs. The days go on and on from one delusion to the next. There was a

time when every one of us was young and filled with life and above all, vitality. The

ability to get excited about tomorrow. The chances we took with a clear head and a

determined spirit. We were spurned on by the desire to accomplish something

“special”.

At least some of us did think that way when we were young.

Every person is the same in the sense that we wake up and go to sleep alone in our

thoughts. We are alone in our own desires and we are alone in our own misfortunes.

Regardless of the material possessions one person or the next accomplishes, it can all

be gone in a flash…

Then life is over, all over, no more.

I do believe as we get older, is it harder to see and harder to say with excitement; “What

can I accomplish that is special next”? Somewhere internally there is a place where

each and every one of us knows there has to be something else out there beyond what

we work for and accomplish materialistically every day. Regardless of who we are or

where we come from, every person wants to feel loved and needed and cared for.

I believe that the most important reason I drank was because I did not want to feel. I did

not want to feel anything. Feeling pain, sadness and heartache is something that a

person needs to feel feelings in order to move on and not just survive but to thrive!

These feelings are in every person. Covering up how a person feels about any situation

that has happened is asking for trouble. So often as I look back on my own life and

remember my father who was drunk so often, I can’t remember him being sober -

embarrassing. I was embarrassed more times than I choose to remember. Yet, I had

no idea how this would affect my life as I grew older. “Whats next?” was a situation in

my own house that daily scared me to death. I never knew what to expect let alone

how it would turn out? I could never think of bringing friends to my house when I went to

school - it was way too embarrassing. “What’s next?” was all I was worried about. So I

kept friends away. Days, months and years went by and shaped my life. I made sad

choices, and I insulated myself. The friends I would choose to caretake and the times I

would choose to drink too much as I grew older became dysfunctional and somehow

developed my own lifestyle. More and more my life took on twists and turns in the

strangest ways as a result of how I had been parented growing up. I was desperate

and pushed HIM away. I know now that Life can be better with HIS help. If we believe

that we are created in HIS image and our “Bodies are the temple of God” this is the first

start. We are choosing not to abuse our bodies through drinks, pills and drugs. If we

can believe that every single situation that happens to us happens for a reason, to

teach us something in our own family. Then we are really on the right path, then we are

open to growth In a positive vein. It doesn’t matter when we decide to do this. The

reason being, as I have said before, is because “when the student is ready, the teacher

really does appear”. Truth appears in breath. If we but look all around us, there is life

and death every single day. We came from HIM we will leave and go to HIM.

I remember when I was so successful in real estate and had sold so many houses that

my husband and I had run out of “toys to buy for ourselves”. We had a big beautiful

home, two new cars, two beautiful children and as good a life as anyone our young age

could aspire to. We thought we had it all. Every day we lived the “good life” and drank

and partied and thought we were having fun. However, then the unexpected

happened. Tragedy struck. We were not prepared for the unexpected.

WE HAD NO FAITH..

We had nothing to fall back on and hold us together. We were like two ships sailing in

the roughest seas without a way to stay afloat. We went our separate ways. I must

admit, I almost drowned. It didn’t matter how much I drank. I was lost in a Black Sea.

I had never been so afraid In my life as I cried out; “what’s next?”. It was only when I put

my hands together, finally crying out for HIS help, that the storm lifted. The darkness

gave way to HIS light and I felt rescued. Never again, as long as I live, will I put my faith

in this world only, knowing I belong to HIM and HIS world will be waiting for me, when I

leave this earth. There is something very calming and reassuring and comforting when

you know its not up to you to figure out all the things that are out of your control. This is

why I write today. I am trying to share an important awareness that literally saved my

life. This is probably the main reason I will never consider taking my own life. Life is too

precious. We are on earth to learn the lessons we have been given and to help those

that need our help. How can we discern what’s next? We can find this out right now by

putting our hands together and asking for HIS help. Watch and see what happens to

you! Watch the miracles unfold. Believe you can and you can. As I leave you today,

please try to believe you are here for a reason and internally you already know the

answer to this.

My question today is, “Are you prepared for what’s next?”

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“Toughest Teachers” Blog #22

When we wake up each day, we know we have a brand new start. We are filled with the

ability to “feel life” as we should. Feeling all of our feelings is important, necessary and

above all, a learning experience. This is because all the feelings we need to feel, give us

the opportunity to learn the lessons we need to learn on a daily basis. Perhaps this is

confusing, I will explain because. It is not easy. There is a very definite reason why we

are here. We are here on earth to learn.

I have said this before and I repeat, “We are alive to learn lessons each day”. I believe

that we learn our lessons from the “feelings that we feel”. If we dull our senses, we

cannot feel the feelings that are within us.

What feelings am I talking about?

The most important teachers in our lives come forth through our feelings. The feeling of

fear, fearful of the unknown. Fearful of the words we have said in anger. The feelings of

anger toward another person, or a situation that has happened to us. There is the great

teacher of Regret, regret for the things we wished we would have said, regret for the

people that we treated wrong and wished we would have treated right. Regret for the

words we wished we would have said correctly. Another great teach is “Blame“. This is a

great teacher. How often have we blamed another person or another reason for why

something happened, when we could have taken the time to look into our own heart

and find the truth? Suddenly, that is when another teacher creeps forward and shows

his ugly head, Pride. Pride is a very important, valuable teacher in that pride hides us

from ourselves. Pride tells us that we are never to blame. There is the simple fact that

Pride hides us from our true self. Pride gives the convenient cover of darkness with

denial and depression. These great teachers are here for us every single day. We

usually have a choice to “use and abuse” any and all teachers. Alas, along comes the

most humbling of teachers, Death. When someone near and dear to us dies, there is a

finality to this understanding that is permanent. We cannot go back. We cannot

change a thing. We cannot tell someone that is gone something important. They are

gone, and its over.

Death becomes the great equalizer and brings with it the final curtain. So often people

cannot find the answer to why they are stuck until there is a death around them and

they then may be forced to see life differently. Our feelings are so very important in the

fact that when we dull our senses, we choose not to feel, period. We choose numbness,

not feeling, over critical awareness and feeling life as we should, with all our senses

intact. I remember after major blows in my own life when my mother died, when

I was faced with horrific challenges, that seemed at the time unbearable. The first

teacher that surfaced its ugly head was Fear. There was so much fear around me.

I decided I could not cope. I decided I couldn’t take it. I decided that me and me alone,

knew what was best for myself. I was able to dull my feelings daily, or so I thought, I just

chose to rationalize with drinking. A funny thing happens to a person though, when they

are hiding out. You cannot do this for very long. Eventually the universe DOES step in

and it says “enough is enough”. A person either dies or it is Time for some really

powerful lessons if not, because this is where one is not willing to see the light.

I must admit, the Fear was suddenly my most humbling teacher. This was also

coupled with severe anger, hatred, and blame. Eventually when I still would not

listen, my own health issues were brought in to view. My body was riddled with anxiety

and depression and I began to experience severe migraine headaches. At some point

HE says, “please hear me, I am trying very hard to get your attention, Barbara”.

This is where I began to see that my way of figuring life out, was not the right

way. I began to understand slowly, but accurately a more important point. Life is all

about learning Lessons. It just is. If we hide behind alcohol or drugs or pills to stay

clear of our feelings, there will come a very big lesson that the universe knows we need

to learn. I suspect I was a great candidate because of my intense ability to try to stay

ahead of myself, deceive myself and abuse myself in so many ways. One day I was

over at my friends house with my children and they were very little. I had gone over

there to celebrate her birthday and spend a little time. I wasn’t going to stay very long,

just a little celebration and maybe a couple of drinks. I hadn’t seen her in a while and I

was super busy in Real Estate but this was my best friend, so I made the time and took

the children with me. I remember we were having drinks and laughing and my children

were running around the house having fun with my best friends children.

One drink led to onother and suddenly I was wide awake the next morning, down in their

lower level, covered up on the couch. I looked around and saw my two children playing

a game on the floor quietly. They looked over at me with a look I will never forget, there

was such sadness in both their eyes. They saw a mom that they couldn’t figure out.

They saw a mom that had gotten so drunk, she had litterally passed out at her friends

house and forgotten all about everything else. I never realized that I had drank so much

alcohol, I had completely blacked out. Over the years, with consistent habit, now I had

developed a very dangerous tolerance of not knowlng which drink would send me over

the edge, “total, complete black out” and no remembering what has happened to me.

This was where I was at in my own life that day.

I thought I had found an answer for all my “Feelings that I didn’t want to feel”. I thought

and believed and was convinced, I had control over my own life. How very wrong I was.

My children were quiet all the way driving home that day. Then a great teacher

appeared. It was my son, he asked me a question that was so humbling, I could not

answer him. He said, “Mommy, I kept shaking you on those basement stairs, why

wouldn’t you hear me and wake up?” My friend and her husband had decided to put

me to bed on their lower level couch, when I passed out on their basement staircase.

This was so very embarrassing to find that my little boy and my little girl had to see me

in this state. There is no such thing as believing I had control over my feelings, and

actions, and words when I was so enibriated. I was passed out drunk on the stairs.

My denial and my pride and my fear were running away with my life. These

are feelings of fear that were all masked every time I took a drink and believed

that I was in control of my feelings. I was not in control. I was never in control. The

teacher “Denial” was in control. I refused to feel my own raw, intense, sad feelings.

I chose drinking on a daily basis to believe that I was in control. I had given up control

to the dark forces and feelings of depression and death of my real internal, Higher True

Self. At the moment my son asked me that question, “Why couldn’t you hear me and

wake up mommy?” My son became my greatest teacher at that moment. It doesn’t

have to be so extreme for you and I. There is a great saying and it goes like this,

“When the student is ready, the teacher appears”.

When we are ready for HIS help, the heavens open up, angels come forth, the lights are

bright and blazing. It is time to embrace the truth and move on. This is such a freeing

feeling. I understand now that we have to feel our feelings. We have to wake up each

and every day and feel what it is we are suppose to be experiencing at that moment.

There is no other way around this. I want to help you and others by saying this, “Nothing

is as bad as you think it”. We are given each new day to start over and I see how far I

have come with this understanding. when I was deep in darkness. Although It was all

around me, I did find a way out. I put my hands together and said; “Please help me, I

cannot do this by myself”. At once I felt at peace. Immediately I had help. Every day I

feel supported by HIM now. The Dear Lord is right here for you too.

Did you know that every single person on earth has a Guardian Angel? Did you know

that if you sit quietly, or close your eyes before you go to sleep tonight in complete

stillness, you can ask this question, “Who is my Guardian Angel”? The name will come.

your angels name will come to you.

As I close this segment of my Blog today, I simply but firmly ask you this,

“Can you feel the feelings you are meant to feel, free and clear of pills, drugs or alcohol?

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“Making Life Work” Blog #21

Every second of every day a different feeling, thought and idea comes into mind.

We continue to cloud our minds with music, tv, the internet and of course all the

people that are around our daily spectrum.

Sometimes we see that life is so hard we want to bandage it.

We find people with even more problems and addictions and substitutes for feeling all

that we are given to “FEEL” on a daily basis. I started to ask myself a long time ago, what

am I so afraid of? Why did I have to medicate myself with alcohol more and more?

Ironically, why were my problems increasing instead of being held at bay? My using

anything to try to “fix my own internal pain” was not working, not working at all. When I

am super down and depressed, taking a pill to relax or a drink to unwind, does not work

for me. There will never be just one pill. There will never be just one drink. I see that and

I understand that I have to “feel these feelings”. I have to deal with the whole of me

every single day. I know that radio and the air waves are saturated with commercials

going over and over, pushing meds. “Take your meds, everybody’s on them.” This does

not work for me. I know that if I have HIM in my life and every day I can focus and

meditate and pray, my life works. I come into balance. I am at ease with where I am.

So I say to myself, “I AM PEACEFUL”. I can feel my life working for me today.

We all have constant reminders of the past and things we did not do the way we

we had intended. Life is filled with complications and different “side tracks” that can

easily distract us, confuse us and put us down a dark and difficult and different path.

Purposefully, this is why I am trying to focus on “making my life work well”. I am

constantly giving myself “affirmations throughout my entire day”. Also, I keep

reminding myself lately that all I HAVE IS TODAY. I have gone back and looked at

many of the painful past situations that happened to me. Now of late, when I have

chosen to experience my life with clarity and sobriety and truth, the pain is less

intense. I can feel these feelings. I know I must feel these feelings. It’s only when

people decide that it is “too painful to endure”. I must take something, I must find

a substitute for my pain, I must “not feel” ….. Is this WHY so many people say I need

pills/alcohol any and all kinds of stimulants, so there is no “feeling’?

I have figured out that the “feeling part of life” is yes, painful but able to be

endured “cold turkey”. We can look at where our decisions have taken us with

clear vision and choose not to go down a dark, dangerous, dismal path of isolation.

There is a different way that is less painful. When I was drunk or when I was high, I

thought I’m escaping my problems. But I was not.

Standing alone by myself, I see that there are absolutely “NO SHORT CUTS”. Life is given

to us for two reasons. We are here to learn our lessons and we are here to help other

people. The more we learn the sooner we can go on to the next healing lesson in life.

Fortunately, life does not have to be filled with such pain. Remember when I told you

last time how you can look at your life the way you view channels on a television set?

You and you alone can change the channel constantly. Maybe family members are

getting the best of you, and you can’t take it. Maybe inside your own world, today it

seems overwhelming, no way out. Maybe someone close to you appears to be verbally,

mentally hurting you.

There is an immediate way out of this. Change the channel.

STOP focusing on what you know you cannot internally fix!

Stop seeing life in such a dark way.

I could spend the rest of my life, the whole rest of my life, just focusing on

all the bad, all the sad and all the enormous heartache that has befallen me.

However, what in the world would be my outcome?

I chooses to go forward and find my path. I choose to grow from all my past setbacks.

What in the world would I gain from all this negative energy I am wallowing in?

So I choose to change the channel. I choose to find something good I can

do each day with the person or persons around me that need my good energy!

I choose to be helpful to someone near and dear to me that needs my help.

I choose today to “LET GO” of all the pain and sadness and heartache I personally

cannot control. Just by thinking this, just by telling myself this, just by saying

this over and over, I take on a clean slate. I rid myself of all the delusion that I think I

need to somehow focus on this past dysfunction and try to fix it. I cannot fix it.

People for the most part know that their feelings are an integral part of who they are.

Feelings are important to identify the pain. How I FEEL about something is huge!

Feelings are not to be forgotten, but rather FELT and acknowledged for the purpose

of healing. Healing emotionally is critical in every persons life.

I understand now and I accept the fact that my feelings are not fear based any longer.

All my feelings are recognized by me as often as I can feel them, accept them

and let go of the pain that is present and not helping me move forward.

I have absolutely no desire to block my feelings.

I have absolutely no desire to “NOT FEEL”.

I have absolutely no desire to stand in the way of my emotional growth.

How I feel about life every minute of every day is important to ME.

Cleansling my life of past thoughts that kept me in bondage to my feelings

is weary and draining.. How I felt about someone or something or some situation in the

past is exactly that. People that live on their feelings hurt the people around them.

IT IS ALL IN THE PAST.

If we are to grow spiritually and emotionally and physically in a healthy way,

we must be able to acknowledge our "WHOLE SELF”.

I pray daily to HIM because this keeps the fear away.

I pray daily to my LORD because this brings me balance.

I listen and pray and accept all that HE has intended for my life to make it

work in a healthy, honest, happy way.

I choose to feel all my feelings today and do this with a clear mind and no

drugs or alcohol or stimulants to erase the pain or not let me feel.

This way of making my life work - works for me completely.

As I close today I ask you quite simply is it possible you too want to feel

your feelings with a clear mind and healthy body?

NOW LISTEN TO SONG FOR TODAY - CLICK PLAY BUTTON IN VIDEO BELOW