''Brutal Teachers’’ Blog #33

Have you ever heard the old saying: “Life is not for sissies?” There is so much truth in

these words. Never a day goes by that we are not learning something in some way.

Whether we realize this or not, is the important piece to it all. I believe we come into this

life to learn our lessons and to help other people. All of the lessons that we learn take on

so many different faces. It is our choices in life that can bring on the great teacher

“discipline”. Discipline can confuse and conflict and contradict all that which we think

we are striving for.

When I was younger and I was very involved with a person that had many different

problems, I decided to go to a therapist to get some help. I wanted to know why my life

seemed to be so sad all the time. The man that I was seeing was elderly and kind and

had been in the profession for many, many years. He smiled at me and said,

“sometimes we choose hard situations to learn from!” I looked at him with such anger

and said: “ I didn’t choose to fall in love with this person, it just happened!” The elderly

therapist smiled again and patiently said to me, “the two of you coming together was a

lesson in learning”. I said, “What are you talking about?” He went on, “First of all, you

both were on the same wave length, you both had similar lessons to learn and that is

why you were thrown together”. I became even more frutrated and said to him, “What

lessons are you referring to?” There was a long pause before he spoke. “I think you

already know this”, he said. Both of you were needy, stuck and addicted to the wrong

kinds of emotions. When you couple that with caretaking instead of caregiving, it

becomes dysfunctional. He paused, and went on, “the big problem most people have in

this area, is that they are afraid to be alone and learn about themself!” “You, my dear

girl, are one of those people”. I remember exactly how I felt the day. I left and went

home that night, poured myself a big glass of red wine, and buried myself in my

miseries. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about”, I said.

My life went on like this for a few more years until it wiped me out. Finally, after all the

caretaking I could handle, our relationship had come full circle and was spinning in a

dead-end circle. Both of us were not ready to leave, it had to take something big and

brutal for my life to get my attention. My migraine headaches, my anxiety, and my

panic attacks were controlling me. People will find people to be in their life at whatever

level they are at. I had to keep reminding myself what a great teacher my therapist had

become to me. He showed me that I was choosing dysfunctional relationships

based on only my awareness of life. I was addicted to dysfunctional drama. I was not

ready for a healthy, happy, loving relationship. I just wanted a relationship I could

try to fix. A normal healthy, happy person just sounded boring.

He also told me something that left me cold. He said, “so often we just settle”. Based on

past sadness, based on the way in which we are raised, based on so many of our fears,

we go out into life and we choose partners that we “feel” are right for us. We sometimes

find a partner we are comfortable with because of the way we grew up. An important

question to ask ourselves is this, “Are we caregivers in the relationships around us or are

we caretakers?” Whoever is or has been in our life our “teacher” too.

Fear is a brutal teacher. Fear of anything great gets our attention fast. Physical

illness is another great teacher. We can be actually humbled by this teacher and

sickness can pull the rug right out from under us. Sickness can show us life in so many

different colors. In relationships within the family another great teacher is that" “ Brutal

Pride”. The feeling that we must keep the role we play within our family even when it isn’t

working for us any longer. Then there is the brutal beast of all,” Tough Love. Being able to say something truthful to someone close to us without crushing their spirit. How many of us are truly able to do this? IF only we can find enough self love to believe that

the Christ spirit that lives in all of us will win out. It is with this undiluted understanding

of why we are here, that brings us to accept any and all of those around us at exactly

where they are. What do I mean by this? Simply put, we cannot change another

human being. We cannot make them more loving, kinder or more truthful. However, we

an work on ourself day in and day out. We can put out a lantern of welcome rather

than a mask of disguise. We can accept certain set backs with family members exactly

as they are. This means, IF there are family members that deliberately hurt you,

remember this is because they themselves are hurting inside. Sometimes it is best to

see this, accept this, and pray for them. Then take a break for however long it takes.

That’s tough love. It is up to them, it is up to them to make the next move, as long as

you continue to be a bridge and not a wall. The peace and quiet and truthful

acceptance that you have left them remains with no regrets. Accept and move on.

I have to say that only because my faith in Christ has strengthened me.

For this belief is who I am.

Yet, I marvel at those who still insist there is nothing out there after one dies. I have only

to look at the lowly caterpillar and then at the wonderers of the monarch butterfly it

becomes. The queens death quietly at 96 years old and her own words shortly

before she died: “ Our purpose here is merely to pass through, to love and learn and

then to return home” How eloquently put. After she died there was a double rainbow over her castle. My own little son at eight years old running in our house just seven years ago excitedly telling me how he saw and spoke with Jesus personally. He went into such graphic detail, there was no doubt in my mind this had truly happened. I am

convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt, Jesus made this wonderful world for us to

live in and learn all the lessons we need to learn to GROW spiritually and go on

eternally to live. The brutal teachers come about when we refuse to learn. What greater gift to give our children, the gift of eternal hope `~ or nothing? The only

sadness lies in those who refuse to believe there is something much greater beyond.

We have only to dwell on this thought for a moment. Why else was the sun and the

moon, the stars and all of us made? Just to turn into dust? No, I do not believe thisl

This beautiful world was created for us to grow, and learn and go on living. it’s just that in the end, we need to stop, look and listen to what the universe is trying to teach us in the lessons we’ve been given

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I ask you today, “What lesson are you being given and need to learn today?”

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