“Family Divided” Blog # 29

It’s funny what’s important to us at the end of the day. We may say to one

another, “oh, my family is no big deal. I haven’t seen them or spoken to them for

so long, I can’t even remember”. But we all know deep inside, exactly how badly it

hurts. I remember back almost thirty years ago when I first met my husband at

an Open House that I was having. It was somewhat ironic because I had been to

church that morning and silently told God that I wish I could meet someone

“without any baggage”. I wished for just a kind, honest, loving companion to go

on a date with. At any rate, he came to my Open House I was holding and

immediately explained that he didn’t even know why he was here because he

had gotten lost driving around and wasn’t really looking for a house to buy, but

maybe in the market for a nice townhome”. He took my card, called me later in

the week and by the following week, I had sold him a townhome that was just

beautiful!

I have to admit, after a big thank you bouquet of flowers and an invitation to go to

dinner the next week. We were dating and he was every much the gentleman

and kind and honest and loving man that I had prayed for in church a couple

months back. One Saturday morning he told me that he needed to go to a

nearby state to visit his father who had been hospitalized with a large tumor on

his lung. He also told me that his mother had passed away years before and he

was an only child. I jumped at the chance to take the four hour drive down on a

sunny Saturday morning. I was told we would spend an hour or two max, and

then drive back to town in time for a nice dinner. None of it happened the way we

expected. I did get to meet his charming father. My husband was excited to have

his dad meet me and I liked him right away. He looked so small in the big hospital

bed but his attitude was cheerful and we talked and laughed as he offered me

a butter mint. However, just as he was about to say something else, the nurse

walked in. She told us she needed to give him a breathing treatment and could

we wait in the lobby for about thirty minutes? When we stepped out of his

hospital room, my future husband told me he had a couple of important business

calls to make and would be back shortly. I sat down and tried looking at a

magazine on a table next to me. Ten or twenty minutes passed and his fathers

nurse came out of the room and walked up to me looking very serious. “You

know” , she said. I have been a hospice nurse for over thirty years and I always

know this type of thing…..” I wondered whatshe was referring to? “He was waiting.

He was waiting for his son to come”. she said.. “There must be something unsaid

between them.

As soon as he comes back, please tell him, if there is anything that needs to be

said, he should do it now …..I doubt he makes it through the night.” What?! I Said.

“How could that be? He just seemed fine when we were in the room a little bit

ago…” I know she said, life and death are so very fragile….. just please relay this

message will you?”

As soon as my future husband came back, I shared everything with him that the

nurse had told me. He looked down at the floor. I studied this man I had only

known for a few short months. He was tall and brusque and his handsome

features spoke of having a strong handle on life. Just being around him gave you

the feeling that everything would be handled regardless. Yet, as I looked into his

eyes as I shared all this information with him, he appeared to be filled with

sadness instantly. His whole demeanor took on a heavy feeling as I heard him

turn to me and say, “come with me please, I really would like it if you were there”.

I nodded my head and together, we walked into the hospital room. It was now

close to two in the afternoon and the sun was streaming in on the bed. I looked

out the window and the October trees were filled with gold, magenta and

burnished brown leaves, falling slowly to the ground. It was so very surreal to be

part of such a private moment with his father. I walked around the bed and I saw

his father open his eyes, he smiled sadly and looked directly at his son. I watched

as my future husband sat down quietly in a chair next to his father. He picked up

his fathers hand and held it saftly. Then he spoke the following words, “It’s okay

Dad, it’s okay that you never told me you loved me. It’s okay because I still love

you”. At precisely that exact moment - his father nodded his head in agreement

and slowly closed his eyes. He then died in front of us. The nurse was watching

from the end of the bed.

All three of us had tears in our eyes. “He just needed that closure. He knew what

was missing from a family that was divided.”

It was all as it should be now.

No regrets. No hidden agenda. No ulterior motives.

JUST RAW HONEST TRUTH.

I guess I could have met a hundred people that could or would have ever given

me testimonials on the character of my husband, but I knew, at that moment I

had met a man with the most forgiving heart I could imagine. As much as his

father divided the family by withholding these three words, my husband banished

all doubt of division with his forgiving heart. As I close today with just this story, I

ask you is there any family member that needs to hear these words, “Its okay,

because I still love you regardless”. Can you bring yourself to feel the love HE has

for you unconditionally? You will never regret this. Our time is so short yet so

valuable each and every day we are alive. Take time today and find that

member of your family that is hurting ond has caused a hardened heart.

“Can you do this……can you say, “it’s okay, I still love you”?

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