“What’s Next?” Blog #23
So many times in my life I have been stuck and wondered how can I possibly go on?
I find that in the past I made choices for myself, that got me in deeper trouble, because
I jumped from one thing to the next without taking time to sort through my thoughts.
This was when I insisted on being my own boss and NOT looking to HIM for help.
This day and every other day as well, are only filled with 24 golden hours period.
We then get to do whatever we feel we need to do to exist within that time frame.
So many of us decide to lie to ourselves day in and day out. Deceit is our closest
companion and telling lies gets easier as the days go by.
What I mean by thls bold statement is we do not allow ourselves total and complete
transparency. Seeing life through the eyes of drinking, or popping pills or taking
dangerous drugs. The days go on and on from one delusion to the next. There was a
time when every one of us was young and filled with life and above all, vitality. The
ability to get excited about tomorrow. The chances we took with a clear head and a
determined spirit. We were spurned on by the desire to accomplish something
“special”.
At least some of us did think that way when we were young.
Every person is the same in the sense that we wake up and go to sleep alone in our
thoughts. We are alone in our own desires and we are alone in our own misfortunes.
Regardless of the material possessions one person or the next accomplishes, it can all
be gone in a flash…
Then life is over, all over, no more.
I do believe as we get older, is it harder to see and harder to say with excitement; “What
can I accomplish that is special next”? Somewhere internally there is a place where
each and every one of us knows there has to be something else out there beyond what
we work for and accomplish materialistically every day. Regardless of who we are or
where we come from, every person wants to feel loved and needed and cared for.
I believe that the most important reason I drank was because I did not want to feel. I did
not want to feel anything. Feeling pain, sadness and heartache is something that a
person needs to feel feelings in order to move on and not just survive but to thrive!
These feelings are in every person. Covering up how a person feels about any situation
that has happened is asking for trouble. So often as I look back on my own life and
remember my father who was drunk so often, I can’t remember him being sober -
embarrassing. I was embarrassed more times than I choose to remember. Yet, I had
no idea how this would affect my life as I grew older. “Whats next?” was a situation in
my own house that daily scared me to death. I never knew what to expect let alone
how it would turn out? I could never think of bringing friends to my house when I went to
school - it was way too embarrassing. “What’s next?” was all I was worried about. So I
kept friends away. Days, months and years went by and shaped my life. I made sad
choices, and I insulated myself. The friends I would choose to caretake and the times I
would choose to drink too much as I grew older became dysfunctional and somehow
developed my own lifestyle. More and more my life took on twists and turns in the
strangest ways as a result of how I had been parented growing up. I was desperate
and pushed HIM away. I know now that Life can be better with HIS help. If we believe
that we are created in HIS image and our “Bodies are the temple of God” this is the first
start. We are choosing not to abuse our bodies through drinks, pills and drugs. If we
can believe that every single situation that happens to us happens for a reason, to
teach us something in our own family. Then we are really on the right path, then we are
open to growth In a positive vein. It doesn’t matter when we decide to do this. The
reason being, as I have said before, is because “when the student is ready, the teacher
really does appear”. Truth appears in breath. If we but look all around us, there is life
and death every single day. We came from HIM we will leave and go to HIM.
I remember when I was so successful in real estate and had sold so many houses that
my husband and I had run out of “toys to buy for ourselves”. We had a big beautiful
home, two new cars, two beautiful children and as good a life as anyone our young age
could aspire to. We thought we had it all. Every day we lived the “good life” and drank
and partied and thought we were having fun. However, then the unexpected
happened. Tragedy struck. We were not prepared for the unexpected.
WE HAD NO FAITH..
We had nothing to fall back on and hold us together. We were like two ships sailing in
the roughest seas without a way to stay afloat. We went our separate ways. I must
admit, I almost drowned. It didn’t matter how much I drank. I was lost in a Black Sea.
I had never been so afraid In my life as I cried out; “what’s next?”. It was only when I put
my hands together, finally crying out for HIS help, that the storm lifted. The darkness
gave way to HIS light and I felt rescued. Never again, as long as I live, will I put my faith
in this world only, knowing I belong to HIM and HIS world will be waiting for me, when I
leave this earth. There is something very calming and reassuring and comforting when
you know its not up to you to figure out all the things that are out of your control. This is
why I write today. I am trying to share an important awareness that literally saved my
life. This is probably the main reason I will never consider taking my own life. Life is too
precious. We are on earth to learn the lessons we have been given and to help those
that need our help. How can we discern what’s next? We can find this out right now by
putting our hands together and asking for HIS help. Watch and see what happens to
you! Watch the miracles unfold. Believe you can and you can. As I leave you today,
please try to believe you are here for a reason and internally you already know the
answer to this.
My question today is, “Are you prepared for what’s next?”
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