“Do I Believe?” Blog #80
To understand the miracle of life, I search inside myself for truth. Non-believers may think
we evolve from monkeys. Yet, people choose to be doctors, scientists and inventors…..for
what? Why have we evolved this far to invent cures for disease, why bother? Then again,
why fly rockets to the moon, for what? Especially if there is “nothing out there”, nothing left
to the afterlife. It all sounds so worthless. A means to an end. For those who believe we
came from monkeys feel at the end of life - THATS IT.
When I play this idea out, I think it to be a perilous, empty, dark journey. Especially, when
parents are raising children without any faith. They blow up this big, bright, beautiful
balloon to show them life, only to “pop” it for them as the child asks? What is death?”
Then diving into the nothingness of their belief system. They had best throw away Santa
Clara, The Easter Bunny and all the fairy worlds. Death: Nothing at the end. Ironically, little
children were asked on “Kids say the darnest things'" CNN: “Who is God?” A small child
answered, “Don’tcha know? God is in everything!”
Comforting words to a hurting or dying child do not come from an unbeliever. Children
will grow up fearful, sceptical and full of questions. Our purpose as parents is to raise
well-rounded children. I include this to mean faith based. Faith moves mountains.
We cannot give a teen a valid reason for not ending their life if there is nothing out
there to give them hope! Hope is the reason to go on living.
When 9/11 hit the Twin Towers in NYC and thousands of people died in the towers and on
planes, people were on their phones to their families praying! The spineless agnostics, the
arrogant atheists and the anti-Christ movements find it convenient to argue against the
true Christian ideal, yet no real research behind it! Jesus’ kind, spiritual, truth shows God’s
love and what it stands for. Non-believers have nothing factual to use their belief on. The
extent to which people refuse to learn about Christ shows up on so many sad faces.
People excape loneliness and the ways in which they maneuver their life styles is hard to
fathom. Any excuse to run away from self. Remember “In God we Trust” is on every piece
of money we handle.
G. K Chesterton was the greatest writer and most profound thinker of the 20th Century.
He wrote 4,000 essays and defines the average man with only truth! Every atheist should
read Chesterton’s “Everlasting Man”. C. S. Lewis was an atheist yet, he was such an
important writer, he did research for years and became a Christian. He inspired Ghandi
to lead a revolution ending all British rule in India! These two men were deep researchers
and prolific writers about truth! Interestingly enough, they were not great Christians
before their research started. Only through inner searching and deep research can the
awareness and belief in Jesus Christ come to light.
On the internet I have recently learned there are five hundred million non-believers
and two and a half billion** Christian believers. (** it takes a thousand million for a billion
So we know we are in good company!
It is comforting to put a child to bed at night sharing that our guardian angel; is here
watching over us. It is reassuring to feel there is another spiritual world waiting for us.
Belief in knowing that someday we will all be united with our loved ones is reassuring.
At the end of the day, IF we must be literal; The non-believer has no actual proof of the
non-existence of Jesus. Yet, the believer does have proof of miracles all over the world for
years and years on end. So I choose believing in Jesus Christ. I know that when I leave
this earth, the caterpillar of my empty shell in this world will be transformed into a
Monarch Butterfly up with the angels in the brilliance of the sunlight. I refuse to accept the
non believers decision at the end of our life is a big, black hole of nothingness. I for one,
attest to miracles. I believe Jesus Christ is alive and well, working within me and all those
who accept HIM. The non-believer and I have a 50/50 chance of being right. And I chose
to go with the light. For my belief gives me comfort. I feel HIS love and my faith brings me
security.
Can you find time to research a belief in HIM?
NOW LISTEN TO SONG FOR TODAY - CLICK PLAY BUTTON IN VIDEO BELOW
“Echo of Guilt” Blog #79
Can’t I just go back and fix a few things?
Why do thoughts from my past still haunt me?
How can I erase guilt hanging heavy in my heart?
The most beautiful part of living is the gift of a new day.
Knowing this, we can start over.
I was once told that wherever I have been in my past, at that time, I only had the tools to
deal with each situation then. No more, no less. Think about this. If I only had the tools I
needed then! Yet, that was then and this is now. I cannot go back, ever. I cannot fix,
replace, redo anything out of my past. This is the guilt that echoes on into the years.
I had times where I lay in bed at night and go over and over and over, things from my
past. The reason is simple, I seem to believe and think it actually helps. The only way my
life can be benefited by any thought I dig up from my past is with one purpose only,
FORGIVENESS. I can forgive myself. I can forgive others. THEN, I must move on. No matter
where I am, where I have been or where I am going, I am right where I am suppose to be
now. When I am fully aware of real truth, I find my authentic self.
There is not a person alive who has not felt the pangs of guilt. The cruel mental rub. The
echos of guilt from yesterday can destroy a person’s well being. Each and every one of
us have our own separate idea of how we want to live truth. Who is there for us that
shows us love and wants to depend on us? Who is there for us regardless of what we
have done to hurt them? Who is there for us when all things in our life seem to be caving
in?
Finally, after all the guilt I have carried about not saying the right thing, not doing the
right thing at the right moment and above all, not always being honest with my own
feelings. The key to removing my own past guilt is simply put.
I am learning to understand forgiveness.
There is only one force in all the universe that can give us what we need. HIS love. Each
day goes by in spite of what we decide we want or don’t want. When we finally discover
that no matter what we do, life is just not working for us, then HE gets our attention big
time. Why? because there is nothing left. Where are we suppose to go when our life is
not working, it’s a scary thought. Do we wake up and go to bed at night feeling at peace
anyway? Not a chance. If we are not at peace, Why Not? Somewhere in there, in the
way back of our mind, echoes the sound of guilt. Nothing can change our thoughts
except HIS peace, HIS love and HIS forgiveness. When we attach ourself to this truth.
Relief leaps in. Suddenly, life is actually much simpler than I have ever allowed myself to
believe.
I have started to worry and fear less. I have begun to slow my thinking down. I look at life
in much less fearful fashion. NOW my days are more accepting I have found over the
years that my selfish misunderstanding of life has taken me down one long path of
disappointment after another. This is when I put all my faith in the secular world. Why?
Because when I was younger I believed this is where my happiness lay. Faith is funny that
way, it’s so darn hard to believe in the intangible. Its so hard to believe in what we cannot
see. Yet its because of that, that which we cannot see, that causes us to search internally.
This then brings us hope. Then hope gives us courage and courage gives us strength.
We need the inner search for strength to develop our faith in the unseen.
The unseen hand of God.
Only by our trials and errors do we change. There can never be light without darkness.
In our past, IF we experienced guilt in any form, this then teaches me about myself.
As I learn about myself, I learn about my true self. I can go inside me and feel the light
of Christ show me the way forward.
Bad habits are made to be broken. Mental habits of “going backwards in guilt” must stop
for me today. I can concentrate on the goodness of all that is around me and stay
focused on today. I now know and understand and accept that anything and everything
that has come into my life is there to “teach me internally about myself”.
Today is my chance to let go of the guilt and feel HIS holiness forever.
How can I turn off the echoes of guiit?
NOW LISTEN TO SONG FOR TODAY - CLICK PLAY BUTTON IN VIDEO BELOW
“Why Open Up? Blog #78
What’s so important about “Opening Up” to myself?
Will it matter if I looK DEEP inside, and “open up”?
Why should I even bother, when I was hurt so badly?
Some of us walk down the sidewalk straight down the middle. We do not veer to the left
or the right. God forbid, we look back……..
Our day is filled with routine. Day in and day out decisions are often made “just like we
did yesterday”….. Same ol’ way we choose to live. Really now, it’s safe, right? So why rock
the boat? It’s not that I feel it necessary to dwell on or in the past. However, it is
necessary to look at my life with complete clarity. If there is anything I feel has kept me
stuck, this is where I need to focus. There are certain things in life that make people
come alive. Feel good about self. Do I feel vibrant and alive? Or do I privately feel
abandoned? Many of us live life judging each other, anyone who comes in and out of
our lives. We continue to recall events that happened as “sad family meetings for us”.
Isolated situations have kept us angry. Stuffed feelings are intentionally hidden away.
So important to stay focused on all the wrongs that have happened ….. who did what,
when and why. Yet, the moment a family member dies, what shifts? Now what to do
with all those concrete thoughts and feelings?
Maybe now, even more difficult to open up and look at, so “just file safely away”. Does
anyone consider how important it is to “Open up and clean out the attics of our minds?
Clean out and refurbish with forgiveness. Then implanting the idea of reaching out with
love. Complete unconditional love and accept the fact everything has happened to
each of us for a “personal growth reason”.
Is there a healthy reason to keep on with our own private anguish? Most often the
reason is PRIDE and JUDGEMENT and BLAME. One person decides to stay away. Another
person decides to drink. Another person decides to pour themself into work. Yet,
another person finds release in food. Another person pours their heart out in gossip.
So many ways to just “run away”. Do anything to avoid the obvious. There are healthy
ways to mend a family relationship.
Simply put, Forgive the person in our heart and then move on.
How hard is it to open up? Talk quietly, peacefully and lovingly with a distant family
member who has hurt us, filled us with anger and distance and judgment. Sometimes
the written word is best. All the time prayer is a starting point, more often than not, we
feel if we “open up”, we give up ourselves. We do not want to go “too deep”. We think
we don’t care anymore, but we do.
Our own life lesson, is our cross.
A change of mind.
A change of attitude.
A change of heart.
Have you ever seen a little child so resolute, with their heels dug in and mind set so
nothing can change their perspective on life? Not often. There are so many of us that
have people in our lives conditionally. What kind of quality of living life is this? God put
certain family members into our lives so we may learn about ourself. We learn about
our strengths and our weakness. This is important to look at “Why Open Up”; to open up
to truth inside us.
All we think, all we feel and all we do is inspired by “life situations” that have occurred
along the way. We all know that we will never change another soul, however, when we
learn and pray and forgive, we change for the better. WE MUST GROW INTERNALLY. It is
up to each of us to understand that each of us are on our “own separate path”. There is
growth, understanding and awareness at each level we are at. In the pain and suffering
we experience - IF we can let go of anger, judgement and denial, then we grow spiritually.
We grow quickly.
When we open up, we find understanding. We bring in an understanding heart.
Every day when I pray, I ask for “Not my will, but thy will be done.”
“Lord, please give me an understanding heart.”
It’s okay, it’s all okay to look at the things we are afraid of. As soon as we bring our mind
to focus on truth, we feel calm, accepting and aware.
“Don’t Give Up, Open Up?”
POEM
Anonymous
Totally set in my mind…. I shuffle through this day
No ones going to tell me differently,
I’m the one who gets to say!
Unaware of the beauty internally, I sense the need to know
My authentic higher self waits…….waiting at last to show .
Trailing sadly behind are yesterdays anger and fears
I slow down, let go and pray as I dry all my tears
Listening to my heart, finally now I grow.
its hard facing life sometimes, wherever I may go
but today there’s a brand new start.
NOW opening up to truth, I find my understanding heart.
What do we prove to ourself, by being so private? Open up and just breathe.
Just for today I can start out with a positive, non-judgmental approach to life.
“Do I understand the need to Open up my heart?”
NOW LISTEN TO SONG FOR TODAY - CLICK PLAY BUTTON IN VIDEO BELOW
“Life Help” Blog #77
Why do I feel stuck sometimes after I did something today?
When will I be able to trust in myself to make the right decisions?
How can I know that today I will not repeat mistakes from yesterday?
Every day sometimes seems like the last. Too often we feel lost, empty and alone. There
appears to be repetition in so many of the ways that we continue to think. I have found
that everything we need to know is right there inside of me. There are three ways to go
forward:
This is an important LIFETIMER RECIPE
Have IT - Everything you need to know is right there inside of YOU
Grow IT - You can grow strong internally with Prayer, discipline & change
Achieve IT - I do believe I AM my Higher Self personified. Therefore, I am Powerful.
When I read something positive, powerful and good. These are not just words. These
are truth healing Life Helps. This is how to Heal my life with LIFE HELP. It is so important to
integrate theses words into my being. This is how I grow internally. This is how I change
for the better. This is how I become my best self. I must believe in Jesus Christ. I must
believe in myself. I must believe in miracles.
When I was a little girl, I remember my grandma saying to me, “if you want to stop
thinking about yourself, go out and help someone else.” Miracles are not just words in
stores to read about. They truly do happen to people. Going through the dark times
brings in the light. Going through troubled times brings powerful healing. Going through
negative situations and knowing how I can choose truth, brings in confidence and clarity
and extinguishes ALL confusion!
When I make the decision to change, I then only go forward. As I choose the best Life
Help I now find clarity. I choose to live in my Higher-self. WHY do I make this choice?
Because everything else is less, lower, dark thinking. It’s difficult to let go of being “of the
world”. the world pushes secular thoughts. The world is all about “things”. Attitudes,
judgements, blame, ridicule and sadness.
THE BEST DECISION IS TO BE IN THE WORLD, NOT OF THE WORLD
A higher self decision is calm. Clarity brings in light of Jesus Christ =Truth pours in. I can
tell you personally and specifically and in all honesty - Miracles do Happen. I myself
have witnessed miracles happen in my ow life. I know many of you have heard about
people doing miracles, miracles abound. Miracles live in people. There was a woman
who lived among much constant disease and never got sick! Mother Theresa lived from
1910 - 1997. She was the founder of The Missionairies of Charity. Mother Theresa was an
Albanian Catholic nun who brought 4500 nuns together across 133 countries. She was a
tiny, brave, strong woman who walked right into danger. She ran soup kitchens. She
managed homes for people who were dying of AIDS and T.B. She ran orphanages and
lived by a vow; “To give wholehearted free service to the poorest of the poor”. In 1979 she
was given the Nobel Peace Prize. She was controversial because she also believed that
“suffering was a gift from God”. She felt people grow in their suffering. She lived and
walked and stayed with those who had Leprosy, yet never got it herself! Why didn’t this
woman ever get sick from Leprosy day in and day out? She believed in the power of
prayer and she believed in miracles!
She believed that we need to go out there and help “the Hungry, all the homeless, the
crippled, the blind, the lepers and all those people who feel unwanted, unloved, uncared
for throughout society. People who have become a burden and are shunned by
everyone.
One day Mother Theresa was confronted in NYC by a journalist and he asked her point
blank; “with so much suffering in the world and so many to deal with, how can one
person make a difference? This little tiny woman with her beautiful blue eyes, smiled up
at him and said, “One person at a time”. Sometimes its just a change in how we act
and behave and do for those around us. So many of us live in isolation, pushing those
that care for us away. Can we find discipline, discernment and direction to do the
“right thing” now? I can go out and help rescue someone in need, this will bring light into
my life indeed.
“Who can I give “Life Help” to today?”
NOW LISTEN TO SONG FOR TODAY - CLICK PLAY BUTTON IN VIDEO BELOW
”Prepared?” Blog #76
What happens when you can’t prepare for something? Where do I suddenly get the
tools to take on what I’m not ready for? How can I be ready for something that I don’t
even see coming?
I could not possibly prepare myself for the unexpected that day. It’s another hot summer
morning and so many of the things I am thinking about doing are interrupted by change.
There are unexpected phone calls. There are unexpected mood changes in people
around me.
There is unexpected tragedy. I remember a long time ago when I woke up fresh on a hot
summer morning. I was ready to go out and list another house. The biggest change in
my life that I can ever remember happened this exact July 12th morning, years and years
ago. Little did I realize, I was so unprepared. I was thinking only about listing a house for
sale and my crazy real estate business.
As I sat down at my desk, I distinctly remember reading the words for the day,
“Oh normal day, let me be aware of what a treasure you are!”
I went to look at a new house coming on the market. When I got back to my office, my
husband was standing there with tears in his eyes. He told me my mother had just been
killed by a drug addict. Then I did the strangest thing. I just wanted to write my ads for
my Sunday Open house, I guess to pretend I never heard a word he had just said. The
rest of that day found me falling into a black hole. Somehow it seemed, I had just
walked into a scene from a horror movie. No words can explain how I managed to cope.
No drinks, no pills, no drugs. Nothing takes away dealing with a life experience so severe.
My faith had always been superficial at best. However, then sadly, what happened to my
mother, made me turn away completely from religion and God. How could a kind, loving,
good God ever allow this to happen?
When this tragedy hit my life so many years ago today, I had to experience the
unthinkable. I did not have spiritual tools to work with. IF I would have known more about
the man, Jesus, I would have been better prepared with spiritual tools I so greatly
needed. I may have been willing to accept at some point what happened to me and
been better prepared for emotional healing. At some point, I started to learn about my
own faith and the man, Jesus Christ. It was comforting and peace-filled and made me
feel safe. I am now aware that Jesus prayed and went back and forth into the Garden of
Gethsemane, three separate times. Knowing what was ahead of him, Jesus asked
earnestly;
“take this cup from me, yet not what I will but your will God”
So this means IF Jesus was to suffer in his humanity and even God his Father let this
happen, Jesus was showing us what even HE wanted to learn about fear, anger and
forgiveness in his human form. Now, I have seen powerful lessons in store for me to
learn. What kind of lessons am I talking about?
Anger - Judgement - Forgiveness
These are huge issues to deal with on a daily basis. How can I begin to try to understand
the “man” Jesus? By starting with myself. Learning about myself. Forgiving myself.
Imagine being alive and in all your own humaness, you are given “super powers”. You
are able to heal and help and divinely perform miracles on other people. However, you
cannot use any of these “Devine super powers” on yourself! This takes super human
discipline. Jesus had to be perfectly disciplined to the end. Over thirty-nine lashes of
torture and bloody whipping. Soldiers, spitting, ridiculing and shoving on his head a
crown of thorns. Then a death squad hammering sharp nails into the the wrists of Jesus
as he is horrifically nailed to a crossbar. It took three long tortuous hours for Jesus the
man of all miracles to die a gruesome, slow deliberate death. All the while hanging
there, he used no miraculous powers on himself! HIS disciples let HIM down and
deceived HIM. HE was totally alone. Still in the end it is recorded Jesus last words:
“Father forgive them, for they know not what they do”.
Who alive has that kind of forgiveness? As my own life went back and forth in dark
circles of anger, sadness and fear, my private suffering was weighing me down. I was
absolutely not able to forgive. However, I was now learning more about the “man” Jesus
and my heart was now ready. Then one cold winter morning when the weight of all my
anger was crippling me, I put my hands together. “Please, please help me Jesus”, I
prayed. Suddenly the strangest thought came into my mind. I found I had the desire to
drive over to the place of incarceration and face the man who had killed my mother. I
wanted to speak with him. When the guards let me into the room and I saw him sitting
meekly on a chair, I looked deep into his eyes. My voice was starting to quiver but I spoke
quietly. “I forgive you”, I said. Then it was done. I watched the guard take him out of the
room and tears flowed down my cheeks. It was over. There was no more reason to
carry this heavy burden any longer. All those years of searching for something.
Forgiveness, right in front of my face.
I had to let go of all my anger. I had to trust. That’s when Jesus Christ comes in like a
butterfly. Still, quietly and comforting. I asked for help in earnest, and HE came.
HIS light prepares me for any and all darkness. My body, mind and spirit are protected..
Am I ready or am I unprepared?”
NOW LISTEN TO SONG FOR TODAY - CLICK PLAY BUTTON IN VIDEO BELOW
‘‘Do I Change?” Blog #75
Why DO I need to look at change inside of me?
Does any part of my life need changing?
Should I even try to see myself differently?
There is reason to believe a human being uses a fraction of their brain capacity to think
and live and work each and every day! Our brain tells us how we choose to live life. So
how DO I choose change? Did you know eating a balanced diet improves our brain
health? IF I get up and eat the right things in the morning, I don’t want to snack on the
WRONG things all afternoon. I know when I exercise at least 30 minutes a day,
endorphins are released into my brain that help me not be depressed! An article I read
recently said, “a study over ten years showed people who use brain training exercises
reduce their chance of getting dementia by 29%.“ I also have read and believe,
alcoholism causes brain damage. We won’t even go into the brain damage done by
drug addiction and smoking!
Looking back on education we have acquired, it seems to stop when we stop going to
school. Very few of us continue to read. Even fewer of us feel the need to continue to
learn about the things that are important to our good physical health, our mental health
and so importantly, our spiritual health. I have been reading an excellent book, “The Last
Days of Jesus” - O”Reilly. In this book he talks about the real man Jesus and what HE
encountered living his last days on this earth. Does anyone care to find out? This MAN
Jesus was human even though he had full power from above, he only used his powers to
help others and when it came to himself, HE did not change into “Lower self thinking'“. HE
stayed focused on each one of us. When Jesus was asked; “ What is the greatest
commandment?” Jesus answered, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all
your soul, and with all your mind”. The second is, “Love your neighbor as yourself”.
This book shares the healings Jesus did, the amazing truths Jesus shared and all the
good Jesus did. Yet, his disciple; Judas only wanted money to betray him! Then after
Judas got 30 pieces of silver, he was so ashamed, he killed himself!
So why the flip? What must we think went on inside Judas’s brain? Why don’t more of us
want to learn about the man Jesus? By having feeble opinions for NOT going to church,
one sees no need to learn about this unbelievable man who gives me reason to want to
change.
Still, we take on bold observations on WHY we have no need for this man Jesus in our life
daily while judging others harshly. When DO I decide to change? Does it have to take a
radical decision after a major illness? Does change happen after we experience “a close
encounter with death?” Do extremes have to occur in order for us to understand the
need for HIS TRUTH?
Ironically, every part of life involves change. The universe show us change by giving four
seasons to every year. Each season brings about definate change. A green vibrant leaf
turns brown, shrivels up and dies, then buds again and a new season is upon us. Cold
winter weather gives way to spring and the process of blooming and growing and green
starts all over again. A simple caterpillar crawling on the ground spins a cocoon and
changes into a breathtaking butterfly. Spring graduations bring change from childhood
to young adults going out into the world. School reunions are great change reminders.
Ten, twenty, thirty years, not seeing a person from long ago, is there change? Change
from being single to married. Married and children. Children and then grandchildren.
So much change occurs. I start to ask myself, why don’t people like change? Why don’t
people like change?
In the changing of my years ahead, when do I address my fears?
Do I choose change in a healthy, healing, learned way? Above all -
Do I choose to be a champion for change - let go of old baggage I carry with me?
How Do I Choose to Change today?
NOW LISTEN TO SONG FOR TODAY - CLICK PLAY BUTTON IN VIDEO BELOW
“Inside Me” Blog #74
What kind of life am I living?
Do I somehow slide from one day into the next?
How am I learning about me……deep inside of me?
I must understand that I have a “lower self” and a “higher self”. My “lower self” nature
fights my “higher self” nature every minute of every day. Do I feel I must resort to
smoking, drinking, drugs and other addictions to calm myself down? - if so, there will
never be enough, it will never end. It becomes an endless circle of madness. If I am able
to leave the darkness behind. I jump to my “higher self”. Yet, ONLY with HIS HELP and the
light of Jesus Christ can this be done one day at a time. This and only this, allows me to
find my higher purpose for living.
I have so many untapped talents that are waiting to be discovered. I know that
Grandma Moses (a very famous painter) was discovered when she was well into her
nineties! There is nothing to stop me from learning except ME. A very important truth is
that all the tools I need to heal me, are deep inside of me.
THIS IS A PROVEN RECIPE AND IT WORKS !
“I FEEL THE PAIN TO CHANGE AND DO IT ANYWAY. I AM TIRED OF BEING TIRED.
I AM TIRED OF BEING HURT. I KNOW THAT HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE!!
I HAVE A GOOD MIND AND I CAN STOP ALl THE OLD DESTRUCTIVE LIFE HABITS NOW.
I CAN CREATE GOOD THOUGHTS ABOUT MYSELF EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY - HOW?
I START WITH POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS AND I LEARN NEW ONES COSTANTLY.
THIS IS CALLED THE ‘ALPHABET AFFIRMATION GAME’
I AM AWESOME, I AM ASTOUNDING, I AM ACCEPTING MY HIGHER SELF NOW….
I AM BLESSED, I AM BRIGHT, I AM BRAVE….. I AM CONFIDENT, I AM CLEAR THINKING……
There are so many more adjectives to think of for each letter. I try to stay on one letter
until I have thought of at least TEN AFFIRMATIONS for that letter. By the time I get through
most of the alphabet - I am so positive about myself! NEGATIVE THOUGHT PATTERNS ARE
TAKING A BACK BURNER AND GOING AWAY……. My daily decisions are critical to my good
health and my mental well being. I get outside because I have to have fresh air, I have
to drink four bottles of water daily and I have to walk minimum for thirty minutes. This is
so important for my MENTAL GOOD HEALTH. I CANNOT COMPROMISE ON THESE BASICS
FOR LIFE. Why do I bother talking about my “Inner self”? Because Insider of me, deep
within is where the truth lies. The real me. The authentic person that will not
compromise with anything or anyone or any situation that doesn’t bring out “My best
Inside self”. Negative situations are here to help heal me..
So where does that leave most of us? Pretty much floating around on a cloud of
disenchantment. We look for happiness in other people. We look for satisfaction in
buying things. We believe that this pill or that drink or that “temporary fix” will do the trick.
I have found that the only answer to any of my pain is ME. I have to look, I have to search,
I have to accept who I am. All the people in my life have been put there for ME to learn
about myself. I believe they have. brought me happiness, they have brought me
sadness, they have brought me awareness and they have brought me anger. Yet, at the
end of the day, I am still left with ME. I have seen people come and go. Regardless of
how I choose to judge them - they still come and GO. So, INSIDE ME now I choose to
connect with my “higher self” I then look at life truthfully. I see my purpose for being here
is to help others too. This alone, removes me from so much pain and brings in my
spiritual power. I feel HIS light protecting me. I begin to feel my purpose and I feel
powerful. I can close my eyes now and feel the vibrating, miraculous, bright light of
Jesus Christ surrounding me in his love and nothing can take this away.
This powerful light, I share with you now, feel the light move throughout every part of
me, the light now goes deep, deep inside of ME, cleansing me always.
This light heals any darkness of my past. I know that everything, past and present, has
come into my life, bringing me a “teachable moment” “What am I learning?” Now that I
have connected with my authentic self - deep inside me. I can say; I am peaceful, I am
perfect and I am protected, every second of every minute of every day - I am never
alone. Now I choose to look at the virtue of others rather than their vices. By my doing
this I am stopped from gossiping because “There but for the grace of God, go I”. The
debt we owe ourselves is simply this: All the people who we have ever known, all the
people who have come and gone into our lives have come to teach us something about
ourself…..what is it? Is it forgiveness? Is it hope? Is it faith? Is it patience? is it gratitude
for how we changed because of them? Only each and every one of us can search deep
“inside me” and begin to ask and answer powerful questions. So often we are tempted
by others deliberate decisions to defy us, to hurt us, to purposely find ways to hurt us to
the very core. However, this is a defining moment when we must step forward with
courage and a brave heart and the knowing that these are the tests we must pass each
and every day for our own inner growth. We must learn forgiveness first, then we must
learn temperance and be at peace. In order to handle my daily situations, I try to say
this prayer for awareness:
Serenity Prayer
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things that I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
This is when I begin to feel the authentic me, the true me, the beautiful parts to the real
me that Jesus Christ wants me to see. However, I must remember, we always have
choice, we always have good and bad to choose from and we always are given our own
free will to do with as we want to. This is where the “Lower self nature” and the “Higher
self nature” come into play.
Now, IF we love the one who counts most - Everything else takes second place. Priorities
in order now, nothing can hurt or harm or hinder us, if we don’t allow it to. We end this
day saying sincerely, “I have given it my all, I have walked my farthest mile and I have
tried my best”.
What do I choose to see deep inside of me today?
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“Family Face” Blog #73
What is hidden far back in my family I want to forget?
Why is it somethings are just too painful to forgive?
Who is a person I cannot bring myself to love unconditionally?
So often in our past there has been unexplained hurt and sadness and pain that never
gets resolved. We go through life leaving it alone. We try to forget to remember, but
then at the oddest moments something brings us back, way back.
I remember a time in my life when I had moved out of the family home and I was on my
own living in another state. I came home for Christmas because I also knew my father
was ill. But then again, part of me didn’t want to care. Part of me remembered all the
pain from my childhood and I just wanted to hurry up and get the holidays behind me
and then leave. I lived for the moment. I looked at life for what I could get out of it. I
refused to forget or forgive. I had little faith.
That one Christmas was the last time I ever saw my father alive. Later into the next year,
I had a best friend that called me and told me my father was dying. “why don’t you
come home and see him?” she had said. “He’s not going to be here long.” I pretended it
wasn’t that bad. I made myself believe she was wrong. I refused to even think about it.
Yet, there was a part of me that knew, a part of me that always knew the real truth. My
father had been a raging drunk his whole life. He had made my mother and all their
children cry and be afraid and live in fear day in and day out. A part of me thought, “why
SHOULD I go home at the end?” I don’t want to see him anyway. But then months later,
he DID die. Then it was all over. Then there was no more deciding, wondering,
deliberately pushing it all away.
I could only go home to his funeral now. The after thoughts, the wishing it could be
different and all the unspoken words are exactly that. They remain hanging in the air. It’s
like the itch on your back you can’t reach to scratch. So irritating. Life is like that. Life is
never really is as it seems. We are born into a family, to learn powerful lessons. My
lesson was to learn to forgive…..regardless. My lesson is still to forgive, regardless. My
lesson with my family has been ongoing. So much of my life was all about “stuff”, getting
stuff, acquiring stuff, wanting more stuff. This is where I got caught up in being “In being
OF the world and not IN the world”.
If I am all about more and more materialistic stuff and not about the people I am with,
then life becomes meaningless. Life becomes worthless. Life becomes empty. I do not
believe I was born into my family who I lived with to only remember pain and more pain
day after day after day. I am saying that as I look back, I must be able to forgive
regardless. WHY? Because it is the right thing to do.
My past pain, gives me understanding deep within myself, of my family and myself.
My past pain? Letting it go It frees me from my anger, hatred and regret. IF I cannot
learn to do this, I believe I will be given more lessons in this area of growth until I can
learn to forgive unconditionally.
So many of us have said; “Why me, God? Why do I have to go through all this?
IF we can come to trust that God does NOT give us any more than HE knows we can
handle, then and only then can we see that each of us are given our share of “Life’s
lessons to learn what ONLY HE knows each of us need to learn. All of us have different
lessons to learn and it is because of this that we cannot possibly judge another human
soul, regardless of how much anger we have. Today I have been constantly reminded of
this over and over in one situation or another. However, this is WHEN we experience truth,
and love and forgiveness.
Real growth does not just happen.
Real inner growth takes time and more time.
Eventually we become wiser.
Therefore I remember its important that I must pray daily for:
“discipline, discernment and detachment.”
I have to detach myself from a situation that I know I cannot fix.
I have to have discernment (Understanding) to know when to step back.
I have to discipline my day in every single hour and stay focused on my faith.
Therefore I share the following poem now:
“I asked God……”
I asked God for strength,
and God gave me a difficult life to make me strong.
I asked God for wisdom,
and God gave me more problems to solve.
I asked God to be successful and
God gave me a brain to work with.
So then I asked God for courage
and God gave me more dangers to overcome.
Then I asked God for patience;
and God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.
Sadly, I asked God for love,
and God gave me more troubled people to help.
When I asked God for more favors,
God gave me more opportunities,
I received nothing I had asked for,
Yet, I received everything I needed.
All my prayers had been answered,
I have been richly blessed.
Written by Unknown.
I know that life is hard. Life can be lonely and life can be very difficult. However, life is
worth living because beauty, true beauty, does exist. Good things are truly ahead of us.
HE is the reason for all my good life. To have faith in something as small as a mustard
seed” is Faith. HE is always here for us. When I let go and remember that Jesus gave us
the most important message of all. He brought beauty and miracles and healing to
anyone and everyone that saw him. Yet, it was not enough, he was killed anyway
because of the darkness. As he hung on that cross, his last words are meant for each of
us to remember how important forgiveness is. After HE died everyone truly saw TRUTH!
The earth quaked, the heavens opened, Angels came forth and proved HIS light!
Forgiveness exists for each and every one of our family members, if we are open. This is
where I know I must start. I must face my own family forgiveness. It must start there.
There is a reason WHY we were born into the family we have. Each of us have a powerful
lesson of our own to learn. For all the pain, all the hate, all the evil that was done. Still HE
hung there and with HIS last dying breath, the man Jesus did not call all his legions of
angels to him and have them take HIM off of that cross. Instead he kept HIS humanity in
tact and with his last dying breath said,
“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
“CAN I BRING MYSELF TO FORGIVE A FAMILY MEMBER TODAY?”
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“A Lost Life” Blog #72
What triggers someone to give up?
Why do people choose the wrong relationships?
When will a person decide “enough is enough”?
Two years ago this day, I lost my beloved daughter, Bridget forevermore. She is gone
now and there is nothing to do to bring her back. However, if any one person can gleam
a positive fact for their own life that can, and should and will keep them from giving
up…..this Blog is working.
At the end of this month, finally after two years of waiting, I will be allowed to go to a
cemetery and see my daughter interred in a grave. Her remains have not been dealt
with until now. Never able to have a funeral for her, It has been unsettling for two whole
years. As her mother, I had absolutely no rights. Though she was separated at the time
she died - she was still married. A spouse is always the one in charge. Remember this.
It may be important. So fast forward now two years later on the anniversary of my
daughter Bridget’s death, I have been told there will be an internment before the end of
this month. Every person needs to be remembered with truth, dignity and reflections on
“that persons life”. Honesty. Integrity. Goodness. These are the qualities every single
person should look for in any and all relationships.
I have decided since I initially started this Blog in my daughters honor, I will give her this
final resting space to share my “Graveside Reflection” to her. I intend to read this when I
go. Perhaps you can gleam some truth somewhere.
“Bridget Laura Elizabeth was baptized into the Catholic faith and took her first
communion at 8 years old from St. Patricks Church. She grew into a lovely adult and
went to mass whenever she possibly could. Bridget was funny, intelligent and beautiful.
She attended private schools from an early age then graduated from high school with
excellent grades. Bridget was accepted into Indiana University. Gaining a membership
into a top sorority, her college years were filled with study, laughter and fun. Finishing
school with a semester abroad in Seville, Spain. Bridget had a sense of dress design and
style unique only to her. She loved to talk and give advice on just about anything!
Ending four years of college at Indiana, she obtained a Marketing/Creative Arts Degree.
Bridget then moved to Chicago and over the next few years, she obtained a Master
Degree in Early Childhood Education. She taught 2nd and 3rd grade at a Private School.
While teaching, Bridget met her future husband. Together they went on to create two
sons. They also had a successful business as well. Bridget had a great love for family
and an even bigger heart for her husbands first born son and his entire family. Yet
amidst Bridget’s Christ-light blessings, she was given free will to make tough choices of
Good vs. Evil. She gave in to dangerous vices of smoking, drinking and drugs. So filled
with confusion, darkness and despair, Bridget’s last days of sickness turn to death. Now
as painful as it is to remember, we reflect on Bridgets beauty. For she loved so many
beautiful things. This was her true essence. The gifted, good, loving Bridget. For she was
a daughter, a wife and above all, a Mother. She loved God and baptized both her boys
and took them to church. She planned all her boys birthdays and fun events at home.
For home was where Bridget played the piano and sang. Here Bridget decorated, gladly
gardened and did outdoor plantings. The gifts of her scrapbooking, glass angels and
framed family picture,s, are all that remain. Her cherished home where Bridget enjoyed
baking Christmas cookies and making Gingerbread houses with her two little boys.
Preparing all those delicious meals, all just a memory now. At the end of her life we see
there was so much good to embrace in her life. We know the Bridget who we truly loved,
remember and miss, is therefore her true essence. So It’s her laughter she leaves us with
today, in a way that only our Bridget can leave us. She tosses her head, and laughing
lightly, her long blonde hair, cascades in waves around and about her flawless face, as
she turns smiling and says; “Seriously?… Its only goodbye for now.” Jesus holds her
tenderly as HE gently comforts, erases and clears away her pain. Her Guardian Angel
Michael is right there beside her too. So trusting in Jesus, we close our eyes, we fold our
hands, and, we let her go. We give her back. All the while knowing, we will always have
her in our hearts, in our prayers, and in our memory. Lastly Jesus waits with her too. Until
someday he knows, we are all to be together once again.”
This is my final tribute to my dear daughter as she is laid to rest in a beautiful place
beneath an old oak tree. May she finally Rest In Peace.
I leave you with the light of God surrounding each and every one of your days. I sincerely
pray today that you have the opportunity to appreciate something special about
someone special who may be very close to you. For we can never take one single day
for granted.
Do I know what my purpose is today?
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“I Want What?” Blog #71
What is it that brings me the greatest satisfaction?
Where do I get my best ideas, thoughts and awareness?
How do I go from feeling sad to happy, bad to good?
l had to take my son to get a haircut and it was a place neither of us had been. When
we got there it was obvious by people coming and going, this was a hip place to be. My
son had lucked out. He was with a very funny, young Italian barber who never stopped
talking. None of the other barbers did either, and it was like a scene from the movie
“Coming to America”. At any rate, suddenly one of the barbers took off his apron and
said to the room, “IF my client comes in, tell him he was thirty minutes late and I’m outta
here…” Then he just left! Another twenty minutes went by and shortly after this, a young,
arrigant well-dressed man walked in. He said, “I’m here for my appointment”. One of the
other barbers told him he was very late now and he had lost his appointment. The man
did not seem to care. He kept standing there. He kept waiting, yet no one paid attention
to him anymore. Then He said I am here! Suddenly the barber who he had an
appointment with originally, walked in the door. This barber looked right at the man and
said, “Not only are you forty five minutes late, but you lied about when your appointment
was!” I booked you in at ten and that’s when I was here. I waited fifteen minutes, that’s
my limit. It was very clear who was in control and who was in charge and held the
reigns to this situation. The whole room went quiet. Then the Barber said, “Now if you can
tell the truth, admit you were late, I can give you the haircut…. What do you want?” The
man became sheepish. He apologized to the barber. He saw immediately this barber
had integrity. The barber refused to be lied to. He would not give the man a haircut until
his demands were met. The barber would not allow another person to lie to him or
disrespect him. Clearing the air, he stated his demands. His demands were met. I
immediately liked this barber. I thought, ”If only all of us could figure things out and move
on this way.” Live by this motto:
Tell the truth from the start. Show up for myself. Know what I want.”
Very few of us realize how much we’re tested every single day. Not to just do the right
thing, but to want the “right things in life”.
An example in my life I learned recently from something as simple as grocery shopping.
We all go to the grocery store. Do we know healthy, delicious good food to buy?
Sometimes we do. Most of the time, we buy the usual. We fill our cart with what we
want, which doesn’t mean it is the best choice. Then we stand in line. Standing in a long
line behind other peoples overflowing carts, I was getting frustrated. Then I overheard a
conversation in front of me. It went like this, “Oh… I see you have some very healthy
looking pizzas there, but is cauliflower crust really any good?” A handsome younger man
who appeared to be in perfect shape answered the woman. “Not only is it good, but I
looked into so many varieties and found this one to be less expensive. It’s tasty and
really healthy for you”. I thought of my own set ways. The only pizzas we were willing to
buy. Now when I grocery shop, I research better. When it comes to pizza, we eat
delicious califlour crust!
What I want is asked of me throughout my life. From what I eat, to where I go, to who I
decide to bring into my life for relationships. People are constantly testing other people
in so many ways, especially to see who can be boss!
What do I want now? I know I want to be respected.
Nothing brings a person more pain, darkness and sad thinking than to have a person be
disrespected. So many hidden ways it begins, grows then continues. The rolling of the
eyes, turning ones back on whose speaking, the interruptions mid sentence when
sharing a point of view. Insults, screams, swearing. Can this change? Can people be
respected and treat each other differently after long periods of time? The answer is YES,
and it’s all up to me. Quite simply put, IF I want to be respected, I must show up for me
today. I need to learn to love myself. I have to create important boundaries..
When my son got his hair cut, I watched how, if only for a brief moment the entire barber
shop was waiting….. waiting to see whether e barber would cut the mans hair, or not. It
all depended on “how it was handled”. Now the man needing a haircut, realized he had
to meet the barbers’ demands. THIS barber had principles and he insisted on an
apology before he gave any haircut!
I realized this past Sunday I too, had been given a choice to show how I needed to be
respected by a family member. A young family member informed me they had decided
they “didn’t feel like going to church anymore and would be staying home”. Immediately
we confiscated technology. We said, “This is our family home. We go to church together
as a family, until you are of age to do differently or choose not to live with your family”.
Funny, how this got attention big time. We all went to church together as a family. It
takes a lot of energy sometimes just to show up for ourself. Very often, we need to be
specific in creating our own boundaries. Even more so, it takes courage to do the right
thing. I keep remembering our children are our future and we need to raise them with
good examples at home. My children must know about the man Jesus Christ. HE is
always there for them. The world is tilting on its axis, going into overload with darkness
coming out of every corner. Still, our children come to us for answers. Can we give them
the truth?
We can when we know there is that bright divine light under every cloud of darkness.
I know this to be true. I believe in the Christ light. For It is HE who made me in HIS image
because my body is the temple of God. Therefore, I deserve nothing less then respect,
truth and honesty. I pray to live this way every single day.
“Not my will be done , but YOUR will be done in my life Lord today”
The greatest love is inside me. It all starts with believing in LOVE. I deserve respect in all I
do. There will be challenges. Other people will be around to try somehow to shake my
confidence, create havoc and attempt to disrespect me. It won’t work. For now, I AM
working on me. Boundaries in place, invincible bounderies now, all is well. I feel healthy,
whole and well. A wonderful book I am currently reading called; “The Power in You”
teaches how positive affirmations throughout ones day work. The book states it is
important to start looking at oneself as a great piece of art work. So I say now, I am
unique. There is no one person like me. I am a masterpiece. I say this all day long.
Respect is automatic. There are no gray areas. There is only. dark and light. I accept the
Christ light. HIS light, HIS power, always the “greatest Love of all.” Standing by this, I know
what I want each day.
Do You know what you want in your life today?
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“Empty Expectation” Blog #70
Am I afraid of other people’s personalities?
Do I try to make life better for someone every day?
What do I expect from my life on a daily basis?
As I breathe in deeply, after I awake each morning, I immediately pray. I thank God for a
new start. Now I begin my day and what are my expectations? Who do I expect to be
there for me? In the back of my mind, is there someone who may have let me down?
Better still, is it unreasonable for me to have expectations? There are some expectations
that go without saying whether we are children or adults. We expect our government to
keep us safe. We live in a democracy. Yet, everything is NOT black and white. People
that run goverhments have choices to make every day. Unless we keep our eyes on
what’s happening, chaos can ensue.
We have expectations from our teachers that teach our children, yet we are not there
inside the classroom, watching what they put into little minds day in and day out. It
helps to remember who watches over each of us. HE is always there as my anchor, to
sift out false expectations. IF I can try to remember this, I am less anxious. At the core of
my expectations, sits myself. What DO I expect each and every day?
If we have a spouse and children, there are silent expectations required to be fulfilled.
Each of us know if we let ourself down daily..
Define “Expectation:” - “A strong belief that something will happen or be that case
in the future, achieve something important….”
Strong emotions and the fact I want to change something in someone I see, can be
a problem. My emotions can completely affect my own expectations. There are many
of us who believe we have tried our best in a situation and it has gone from bad to
worse. We may feel certain people involved have turned their back on us. They have
given us the cold shoulder so to speak, and distanced themselves indefinitely. Its so
hard to come to grips with expectations day in and day out.
IF we had to sit down and make a plan with an “end result in sight”, I doubt very much
many of us could do that. Instead, we go forward with a make shift attitude of
“I’ll think about that tomorrow”.
Life becomes over bearing when needs are not met and raw emotions take over.
We cannot turn to HIM unless we pray for help. Then we feel fixed in the moment of
peace. We let go and are able to say, “I DO NOT NEED TO FIX SOMEONE ELSE TODAY.”
At the end of the year, some of us sit down and make resolutions for the New Year.
There are promises we make that involve change. Changing what? With all the
questions and the reasoning and rationalizing we come to this one fact:
Each of us is responsible ONLY for ourself. So I start the day now and say,
I AM OPEN TO TRUTH. I am ready to let go of unreasonable expectations. They are empty
and they have no value except to weigh my heart down with empty sad emotion. An
example of what I refer to. is this: All through my childhood and on into my adulthood I
said a prayer: “Please God help my daddy to stop drinking.” I was still saying this,
praying this, at times, without thinking, long after he died. I had an expectation that was
unrealistic. It turned out to be empty. It caused me to start drinking. When we focus on
falsehoods, they become reality to each of us.
Whether it be a promise from someone else, an expectation that goes unfilled, or an
idea of how someone should be there for me.. These are expectations of another
person. We walk on slippery slopes when we expect any one person to live up to or do
something or be someone who they are not.
Now I preface this with stating as parents we are expected to guide and guard and
protect our children into adulthood. This is our job and we have a ‘parent report card”
to earn day in and day out. IF we as parents, slack off on the job - If we drink, verbally
abuse, assault and demean our children, it comes back in spades to haunt us.
Currently I have had an expectation of a person to clearly “do the right thing”.. Now,
put off for almost a month. I had clear expectations. I expected a plan and a date. This was my downfall. This brought on depression, anxiety and grief. Because of my unrealistic expectation from a person I knew who was not trustworthy, I allowed myself to go into overload” I brought myself overwhelming sadness, obsessive thinking and worry. All because I trusted someone with no integrity.
But then…….I remembered to pra
NOW I see after praying, I had “empty expectations with no outcome I\
I am better than this. must remember who I am. I am in control of ME.
I think healthy thoughts. I associate with people who are honest. . I create my own boundaries and I abide in them.
There are some families who have relationship issues. Because of this there are
many unfullfilled expectations. Loneliness begets bitterness;. Some times
expecting to hear from family member. This is where an understanding heart, letting go
and moving on works wonders. Look at your expectation like this: Try to accept the
person where they are. Then don’t expect anything in return.
I have realized over the years that “just because its family doesn’t mean a get together”.
Some family members “check in once awhile” (makes them feel good).
Above all, it cannot benefit me to push myself on another human being.. Here is the crutch, when I accept this. I cannot go back and say or think or dwell on any of the parts of my life where I felt I helped that person, or did this or that. If I felt I am owed
something….. It’s painful and emotional and wrong. It’s time to let go of all that “stuff”. People have to WANT to see each other.
I know you probably think, “Well, how can I make memories with family who have distanced themselves?” Maybe the time is not right. Accept this. Today is today.
Yesterday, last month, last year are gone. I cannot turn my family around, only me.
I cannot make them care differently. This is where my own sanity takes on a
life of its own. We know when we do the right thing.when we pray, when we
invite the Holy Spirit into our heart and listen. Now we have a feeling of calm.
Anything else, is NOT truth. Other emotions of anger, a grudge and spite
are cast off. I am surrounded in HIS love, light and protection now.
I seek out people who are healthy. I bring people in my life that respect me. I
only accept truth from myself and others. When I live this way, sometimes these people become closer than family.. When we detach from the “what ifs”,
discernment, detachment and discipline step right into play. My life is calmer.
Most importantly, I am respected. Now people seek me out because of my
goodness NOT my caretaking, lying or sense of hopelessness.
I POST THIS ON MY MIRROR OR REFRIG;
I SET CLEAR EXPECTATIONS FOR MYSELF
I STATE TO MYSELF WHAT MY NEEDS ARE
I EXPLAIN TO MYSELF, WHY I FEEL LIKE I DO
I PROVIDE HEALTHY CONDITIONS FOR MYSELF
I SEEK HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS & TRUST OUTCOME
I PRAY FOR MY HIGHEST GOOD & HIGHEST GOOD FOR ALL
I realize sometimes it is necessary to send a letter, I have no false expectations. The game of life with those I interact: involves preparing, planning and prayer. It is not. my job to change someones thinking. It is not my job to control others in any way. IT IS my job to forgive, forget and move on. It is my job to RESPECT MYSELF. It is my job to do the best I can with tools I am given and learn MY lessons, IN DOING THIS, I help others too.
Can I let go of empty expectations?
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“Distant Damage” Blog #69
So many of us are afraid to live HIS truth.
We run the other way, We distance ourselves.
We find different damage.
The escape begins day in and day out, above all, we do not come out of our safe place.
Easy to hide out at home. Shove honest feelings far away, refusing to tell others what’s
unsaid. Yet, we are suppose to be Ministers to one another in and of truth. Know this to
be true: The enemy prince of darkness has no hold or power over us! Feel truth
internally. The heart says DO the right thing. Then the head rationalizes, “It’s just plain
futile”. This is how dark habits form. Days, weeks, months and years go by, creating
distant damage. Emeshed in a distorted truth is ones lonely reality. What is left is
hidden halves of ourselves. So we exist judging and blaming and alone. Actually we
continue to make chiseled choices over and over again. Head, not the heart, takes
charge. We become OF the world, not spiritual beings IN the world. See how tricky life
can become? Yet, no one person is meant to stay in darkness.
One always is given choice. Living with people in darkness, refusing the light, only brings
in more darkness. We are all meant to be healthy, seek light and grow!
“Our bodies ARE the Temple of God.”
So, I choose people to be in my life wisely. I’m checking now, I am always checking, is
my world light-filled? Is there blame, resentment, gossip? These are dark, material
weapons that only appear to work. They camouflage truth with an umbrella of illusion.
This makes me look at life from a distance, and my life eventually becomes cold,
isolated, intolerable. This is all temporary comfort, my friend. IF in darkness, this is where
I hide out. Been there, done that. I will not go back. I remind myself how short life truly
is. There is an old saying, “You will never see a hearse with a luggage rack on it”.
This means essentially - you cannot take anything with you when you leave. Therefore,
we are all built to do the right thing now. Unafraid, I must do what counts.
Because HE is watching me.
There are healthy ones out there. Healthy, honest, spiritual people. People that are
loving, supportive and good. I go and find them. I identify with them. I change my
attitude slowly each day. I want to be authentic, forgiving and good too. Above all, I
want to have a spiritual approach to all of my life and pray each day,
“Dear Lord, Let thy will NOT my will be done today”.
Leaving a damaged past behind, I seek healthy minds who have lives that work. These
are the ones that KNOW good triumphs over evil! Therefore, I understand that “like
minds find and know each other, they give support to each other”!
Now at a triangular point in my life, I admit who, what and why I refused to change.
I shed the outer, unwanted shell of myself as an empty cocoon. I go on to memorize this
SERENITY PRAYER
“GOD GRANT ME THE WISDOM TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE,
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I CAN,
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE”.
Moving quickly, I do not look back, and realizing my new start, I pray for discipline,
discernment and detachment. The dark zone is now gone. This life I am walking into
becomes lighter, brighter and manageable. For HE is the key to shedding my distant
darkness. Hands together I pray:
“Thank you, Dear Lord, for my healthy life”
I know now; I can pick up the phone, call a family member if years have gone by, I can
show by my words that I have kindness in my resolve. I have confidence and
conviction. I am willing to be tested by different people, yet still stay strong. Even
though a family member, or friend has not been there for me, I can say what needs to
be said firmly in forgiveness, move on and hang up. From a distance God whispers in
my ear, “I am in your heart, its time to start over, leave the distant darkness with not
one regret”.
“Can I remove darkness from my distant past?”
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“Fixed on Failure” Blog #68
Only I know what is missing in my life.
Only I know why I keep getting stuck.
Only I KNOW I can fix me.
So where DO I begin? Here’s a great motto,
“The one who falls and gets up is so much stronger than the one who never fell.”
Now, I look where I’ve came from - I don’t want to go back, making the same mistakes.
I write down on a piece of paper exactly this - “Help me Heal Lord”.
I TAPE IT TO MY REFRIGERATOR. Then, I write down my “biggest goal”. It’s working.
NOW I begin to find my courage (just for today) Its like an invisible muscle within me,
it just keeps getting stronger and stronger. This doesn’t mean I am not afraid at times,
it just means my courage will not let my fear stop me. Today is all mine. No one can
take that away from me. So I go forward now, with a baby step. I make my OWN PLAN.
I start saying quietly and internally and cry into the night, “I Cannot do it alone”.
“It’s because of YOU, I will not give up, show me my tools” NOW I feel that fear and
have courage anyway! My inner strength is growing and its unbelievable. This is what I
need to tell myself today. I am a survivor 100% of all my past challenges. Lots of the
past was rocky, yet that was where I learned from my greatest heartache. I truly
believe my odds are very hlgh, I can and will, survive whatever comes next. Whether it
is a person that tries to sabbage me, I bless them on and leave them alone. Whether it
is a “past vice of alcohol or drugs” I say: that was the shell of the old me. I look at past
as a caterpillar on the ground and I am becoming the Monarch Butterfly! I AM AWARE
now that I cannot control what happens to me today - YET I will control 100% how I
respond to the situation. I have so many powerful coping tools and they all start with
HIM. My Savior is the strongest light energy within me. Everything else is next. Starting
today I AM going to “design my own day”. I can fantasize a perfect outcome. I can
write down all my needs. I can start my “Penny Jar” one day at a time, I AM learning to
overcome ADVERSITY IN MY OWN LIFE. I know it is all up to ME.
Listen to this truth, “IT TAKES MORE ENERGY TO WORRY ABOUT SOMETHING THAN TO
SMILE AND SAY I AM GOING TO START OVER NOW, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS”. Here is a
little visual, watch the dog chasing his tail…watch the dog chasing his tail ….. “Keep doing
the same things over and over and keep expecting different results”. That is actually
the definition of “Insanity” attributed to Albert Einstein.
Even in Alanon they teach that peoples lives have become powerless over alcohol
and our lives have become unmanageable. They have come to believe that a “Power
greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity”.
Wow! That was written decades ago and millions of people swear by that verbage.
I really believe that when my life is comfortable and easy and good, that is NOT when I
am tested the most. I am tested big time when my life is really difficult. We are a
school in and onto ourself. We need to start each school day looking in the mirror and
remembering this poem:
The Man in the Mirror.
by: Dale Winbrow
When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
and the world makes you king for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
and see what that guy has to say.
For it isn’t your mother, your father or wife,
whose judgement upon you must pass,
but the person whose verdict counts most in your life,
is the one staring back from the glass.
That’s the person to please,
never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you right to the end,
and you’ve passed the most dangerous, difficult test,
IF the one in the glass is your friend.
You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum,
and think you’re a wonderful guy,
But the one in the glass,
says you’re only a bum,
IF you can’t look him straight in the eye!
You can fool the whole world,
down the highway of years,
and get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears,
IF you’ve cheated that man in the glass.
I WILL TAKE A RISK TODAY AND LOOK AT THAT LIST I MADE LAST NIGHT. IT’S A LIST OF WHO I
AM TODAY, WHAT I GIVE UP TODAY. I AM NOT AFRAID OF TODAY. THERE IS AN IRONIC TWIST
TO LIVING, TRYING EACH DAY OUT. IT HAS TO DO WITH LETTING GO OF NEGATIVE HABITS.
THE BEST PART OF ALL OF THIS IS THE JOURNEY. BECAUSE I KNOW ACHIEVILNG MY GOAL JUST
IN DEALING WITH THE DAILY STRUGGLE OF TRYING EACH DAY AND SEEING WHO I AM
BECOMING. IS “ONE DAY AT A TIME”. THAT IS ALL I HAVE. So today I realize, YES, something
bad happened to me in my past.
THIS DOES NOT DEFINE WHO I AM TODAY.
I can only get stronger accepting this truth. I am not my past. Today I am healthy.
I know I CAN get outside and walk and work out every day for 30 minutes and this will
release natural endorphins into my brain, so it DOES HELP ME RELAX.
This is a good start for me. I accept my new mental attitude in knowing this,
I have given all my failures I cannot fix, to HIM. My Lord keeps me safe and keeps my
fear of failure from destroying me. The darkness is at bay. I have a new plan, with a
new way and a brand new day. HE is my Living Hope.
”Can I forget failure and start my new plan today?
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“My Job?” Blog #67
So, how is my life working out for me so far?
What do I see for myself ahead?
What is my purpose here anyway? It’s a fact that once I say one true thing and stick
with it, all kinds of truth comes pouring into my life. So often we want the '“grass that is
greener on the other side of the street.” We are not able to see what is in front of us.
What are the opportunities that I have right now that I can develop? More often then
not, it is a fact of life that faith takes a back burner in so many peoples lives. “All this
stuff about religion and God, why do I need it anyway?” one says. In 2020, no more than
47% of U.S. adults belonged to a church, synagogue or mosque. That has fallen apart
now even lower in frightening numbers too great to even share. Americans now “feel”
they have no need for church and have better things to do.
Yet over the years, the average American has little information or any knowledge as to
“why they exactly feel the way that they do”. This brings in many troubling situations.
Unless a person believes they can go through life without a single “hiccup”, a person
needs to find a way to “find personal purpose” in life. A person needs to hear truth.
Why is purpose necessary? Without purpose a person has difficulty believing
in one self. So, what exactly do I value in life? What IS important to me at
the end of the day? My life has taken me completely full circle. I have experienced
more heartache than I could even believe possible. I was raised a 911/SOS Christian
and sort of knew going to church was a good thing to do. However, only because I was
told to go. NO one person ever explained anything to me about the man Jesus.
I knew nothing about my Christian faith, nor was I even interested. I poured myself into
my job and when I was given tragedy, I became a workaholic. My job was
everything to me. Needless to say, my health suffered, my life suffered and I must
admit.
When we are down, when we are at the end of our rope, then we “ask for internal help”.
Now heaven opens and HE steps in. Miracles DO happen. Life takes on new meaning.
My job was so distorted. I thought so wrong. I lived backwards..
My job is to learn about me. Why was I put here and what can I do to evolve?
When I pray for help, I am given clarity. I SEE my lessons daily in helping others.
There is a remarkable amount of knowledge out there to learn and gleam from.
After years of my study and research. I believe beyond the shadow of doubt this:
Jesus was a real person. He lived and walked among all people. He showed thousands of people miracles he performed and then went on to give the Holy Spirit to his disciples who also went out and performed miracles in his name. Jesus knew who he was, he knew HIS job. He showed humanity the real definition oflove as last words professed; “Father forgive them, they know now what they do”.
Yet today families see no need for church. Parents are raising their children without
Baptism, without any knowledge of Jesus Christ. How will these children evolve and
learn ,what their true job in life is? Can a parent help a suicidal child by just saying:
don’t do it “just because?” What in the whole world makes life worth living?
I am going to share fascinating facts with you about various peoples “Jobs in life”.
Sir Walter Raleigh believed he found remnants of Noahs Ark and traveled to India
to do more research. B. B. Lal, a very famous researcher, came upon a shocking find
in an old English attic. He and Leonard Simmons, along with Dr. Irving Finkle transcribed
a small golden tablet from this attic that was a missing link to Noahs Ark! This is a
4000 year old tablet. The Indian architects went on to recreate a facsimile of the
real Noahs Ark. They followed directions found on the tablet. They built a replica of
the Ark 4300 square yards, twenty feet tall and circular. When the architects and
builders were done, the boat weighted thirty-five tons. They used only ropes and wood
to build this replica. Finally finished, they launched the boat into the Indian Ocean and
it floated and the boat did not sink! What a beautiful job they did to show others.
Right now in the Vatican City of Rome there are fifty three miles of hidden treasures
going back through the years, all connecting to Jesus. In Ethiopia there exist a shrine
that is said to be the Ark of the Covenant - the last cup Jesus drank from at his last
supper. There is and has been, such intense heat coming from the encasement
building that surrounds the Ark, it has been necessary to build a larger building to
encase it. There is a soldier that stands guard in front on the premises 24 hours a day
and he does this for his whole life. This is his job! When he dies, he is replaced with
another solder standing guard. A man named Barfields found a copy of the Dead Sea
scrolls engraved on a copper scroll. He made it his job to find this proof of existence
just like so many hundreds and thousands of historians and architects continue to do,
so you may believe. This is their job day in and day out.
How much work have each of us done to explore the history of the man Jesus?
I personally believe in the force of light energy. This protects me from darkness. The
force of Jesus Christ. is here now. My job is to continue to learn, study and grow as a
testimony to HIS light. Each day I learn more, I feel safer.
There have been times in my past when my own life felt a complete disconnect to what
was going on around me. Even when I was busy with a productive job I worked at.
I felt an undercurrent of fear of being all alone. It’s always hard to face, this feeling of
being all alone. Yet in the aloneness comes awareness. In my sadness came serenity.
In my darkness comes discernment, direction and discipline to balance my day.
It’s ironic in this crazy, busy, noisy world of ours to say “but I feel alone…..” I know there
are those of us who have to find a fix in drinks, pills or the wrong people around
them. However, this will never be enough. Only look inside to see truth quietly waiting.
The real job is to learn about me, WHO AM I ? I do know this+ I am never alone…
“Am I ready to learn and accept my true job?”
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“Daily Drama” Blog #66
I just heard the news this morning. Another drug addict has died. I thought about my
own life versus his life. Choices he had made versus choices I have made. Why we
were so extremely different? Why am I still here and his life gone, ruined with no return?
Why DO we make the choices we do each day? How do we face daily drama?.
What makes a person deliberately want to destroy their brain cells with no care for
living, has their daily drama consumed them? We see thousands of young and old with
illness, just trying to stay alive.
We see the extreme, bizarre daily commercials constantly contradicting themselves!
Take this pill or that pill to find instant relief from anxiety, or depression. (However, the
side affects state they may have suicidal warnings!) Are you kidding me? We live in a
time where things we hear now seem to border on the rediculous. Nowadays “anything
goes”, and we in our daily quest for fight or flight, figure ways to battle our daily drama
of just living life. There is the latest statistic out there, saying “over half of the country
FEEL LONELY EVERY DAY”
WHY is this? Nothing we buy, nothing we own and nothing we acquire will give us a
feeling of permanent contentment. Each and every one of us must suffer the daily
dilemma of “figuring life out”, one day at a time, all by our alone-selves.
We come into this life accountable to our parents. We go to school and must be
accountable to teachers. We get out of school and drive and have a job and must be
accountable to the laws that regulate our system. However, there is one small
hiccup……”internally who are we accountable to?”
Throughout all the daily drama of our lives where are we running to? What is the plan
for life as we get older and older? At the end of the day, who will satisfy us completely?
I believe, It is only HIS love that suffices. Jesus Christ.
There is a famous Russian author Leo Tolstoy who said, “Everyone thinks of changing the
world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” There really is no way to avoid daily
drama IF we are alive. Yet, what do we fall back on every day? Some of us wake up with
health issues. Others have relationship issues and still others are now and will be all
alone facing life one day at a time.
Regardless of what I face each day, I still know my limits, I’m learning about me. I
continue to see what I can cope with and what are major stressors in my own daily
drama of living. Most importantly though - What are my “proven helps”?
Deep breathing. Walking outdoors. Prayerful meditations and affirmations. THEY DO
WORK!.
My major awareness day in and day out, just knowing I have someone internally who
cares for me unconditionally. I walk one way for fifteen minutes and back for another
fifteen minutes. All the while deep breathing, asking for help and telling HIM what my
needs are. I always try to remember that the number one thing within my control is……
ME.
I have come to believe that age has nothing to do with fulfillment. IF we are content in
our surroundings, this is a huge accomplishment. We must feel right about where we
are and who we are with and where we are headed. I for one, can only take on the new
day knowing I have the help of my MASTER by my side. I start each morning with a
prayer of protection:
“The light of God surrounds me, the Love of God enfolds me, The power of God
protects me and the presence of God watches over me, wherever I am, God is and
all is well”.
After this prayer I thank God for all my blessings. Especially life challenges that helped
me to grow internally. Then I take on my day. I want to share a beautiful true story
about faith. There is lovely little church in Sante Fe, New Mexico. It was built over a
hundred years ago. It still stands there. After the completion, the nuns realized they had
no way to climb up to the loft. No staircase had ever been built. They prayed and they
prayed. Very soon a carpenter came knocking at their door. He seemed to know
exactly what they needed and they were impressed. After weeks of working hard, the
carpenter was done. At the back of the church stood a beautiful circular wooded
staircase all the way up to the loft. There was not a single nail used. Yet, each stair was
strong and sturdy. They were sure that the next day the carpenter would return so they
could take care of what they must owe him. He was never to return again. Through the
years, scientists and architects have studied the staircase and come up with the fact
that the “wood used” was not from any where around here. How the staircase could be
built without a single nail? This has baffled many a professional throughout the years.
Yet, the strangest and most beautiful fact remains. Many thousands of people that are
true believers have visited this lovely world reknown chapel and their lives have been
healed of many illnesses. To this day - the chapel stands in Santa Fe, New Mexico for
any one to go and see and hopefully bring them peace, relieve their daily drama and
give them faith. Their faith is restored instantly.
Do I have a prayer in place for my “daily drama” today?
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“Sorry for What?” Blog #65
Do I have to say I’m sorry to myself? Do I have to go over all the past, sordid, sad details
behind me? Do I even need to reflect on the past, IF that is where it is - “in my
permanent past”? Looking back and reflecting on our past is important in everyones life.
The former Queen of England, when she was speaking to Northern and Southern Ireland
about apology and regret said this:
“It is sad and regrettable - reality, Throughout our history we have experienced more then a fair share of heartache, turbulence and loss….with the benefit of hindsight we can all see things which we wish had been done and dealt with differently or not at all.” She said: “We are to bow to our past, but not be bound by it. Whatever life throws at us, our individual responsibility is to be stronger, work together and share the load. The ties of family, friends and affection are the most precious resource of all…”
Wow - those are some pretty heavy words to take in.
So many of us are busy just trying to “go forward”, so why bother with the past? I try to
imagine a persons attic after many years of living in one house. I imagine lots of boxes,
tons of memorabilia and everywhere you look, cobwebs! Boxes and boxes, shoved
away, into the past. Yet, to some extent, at some point, we will all have these things to
be dealt with, will we not? It’s important to clean out our attic. Time to get rid of the old,
sort through the boxes of memorabilia, keep what is precious and let go of the rest.
Then MOVE ON.
Our mind can be a lot like an attic. We shove away what we do not want to deal with.
Remember when people used to write letters to each other? I don’t mean texting now
or even long emailing or Tweets or a Facebook connection. I mean picking up a pen
and a clean piece of paper. Taking pen in hand and writing down a message to
someone across the miles, or someone left behind. Place a stamp on the envelope,
address it and mail it - now.
The fact the letter has a stamp and is addressed to a person, increases the specific
importance of it. Then it obligates a person to open up the letter. Now the person must
absorb what you have written. This took time on your part. What feelings they must feel
as they read throughout the letter. This can have a powerful impact.
People move away. People break ties. People leave things unfinished. More often
then nought, there is sadness in the air. Often times taking the time to write a letter
if “sorry” is the intended purpose, can have a huge opportunity to clear the air. A person
can think things out as they write without being interrupted. The person receiving the
letter can read it and reread it over again. Words put on paper can be more of an
influence in changing the atmosphere of a relationship than a person knows. Every one
of us have said or done something or relayed an action that was taken the wrong way.
Maybe words were said that have been left hanging in the air. Maybe inside our mind
we feel differently than the way we left things with someone else. There are so many
ways to apologize. Then again, maybe it is just time to start over with a new approach.
There is always the next part of destiny, it steps in with such finality, such doom. In
different words. Death.
We are not meant to be here forever. Each day gives us a full plate of life situations to
handle honestly. Yet, here’s a revolutionary thought, are we afraid to do it ? Do it
anyway! Write a letter. Pick up the phone. Start by saying sorry, watch the air clear to a
beautiful blue sky.
Each of us know IF something in my past could use fixing. Say to self, Is it me, can I fix it?
We are all capable of writing a kind, thought provoked, loving letter. Maybe a few lines.
If our thoughts are not loving, this can turn our power the opposite way. Do I now realize
I can help heal a relationship with a letter? Maybe a call. I may need to forgive
someone in my close circle that I have turned my back on. Sometimes a letter helps
heal all things. My anger and a heavy heart can dissolve instantly by just reaching out.
When I REMOVE the resentment and blame and hatred, then walls begin to crumble.
Sometimes that phone call changes the whole world around me.
I remember years ago in my early married life, I had told myself I would not be calling
my mother for a while because I was tired of our conversations. Almost every time I
called her, I felt it was depressing to talk about things we could do nothing about. I had
to listen to her worry, concern and fear for a family member that had gone off the deep
end. However, I did not realize as much as I thought “out of sight, out of mind”, was a
good approach, it weighed heavy on me. I had a small child and wanted him to be in
her life. Days were coming and going and we had not seen each other for a while. It
was mostly because of my decision to keep a distance. It was my decision to look at life
“only my way”. Yet, this was a particularly beautiful morning. It was hot and sunny and
a perfect day for being outside. With a heavy heart, I kept thinking about her. This
morning I was just plain missing my mom. I could feel it in my heart and for once, I was
not analyzing our relationship within my head. I gave in to a “hunch and feeling” that I
should just call her, make a plan to see her this day. Maybe we could get together and
she could be with her little grandson.
As I look back, I realize by literally taking my “mindset” out of the equation and going with
my heart, I was able to pray and let the universe do the rest - Everything fell into
perfect place. My mom drove over to meet me and off we went for a beautiful day at
the lake. We sat on a blanket, talked about fun memories from the past and enjoyed
the hot sunny weather. Early in the afternoon my Mom took her little grandson for a
chocolate ice cream cone. I can still see his pudgy little toddler fingers holding tight
onto grandma as they walked along the beach sharing a melting chocolate cone. All
afternoon he slept. We relaxed, talked and laughed and had the best time with each
other I can remember. Later that day, my husband somehow miraculously found us at
the beach. He said “something told him” to come find us and bring us a picnic dinner.
What a surprise! A basket filled with hot fried chicken, red grapes, croissants and potato
salad and watermelon, which we eagerly devoured. My mom broke little bits of red
grapes in half and fed them to her hungry little grandson. My husband had grabbed
the last chilled bottle of white wine we happen to have in our fridge. We ate, we
laughed, we enjoyed each other. As the hot sunny day gave way to evening, it was now
time to go. We left the beach that late summers eve filled with food, a beautiful
memory and completely content. It had been a perfect, summer picnic on an ideal
summers day. As we walked slowly across the soft green, grass, my Mom smiled over at
us saying,
“Best day ever kids, I’ll see you tomorrow…”
The following morning at 9:12 am my mom was gone. Her life is no more. That day was
no longer just another normal hot summer day. I am thankful I listened to my heart the
day before. I am thankful I have no regrets in any of the decisions I made the day
before. I am especially thankful I did not stay away, I have this beautiful memory that
has carried me through all my heartache in the years since she has been gone. It’s
important to live every day as though it were my last. We all know who we are IF we are
hanging on to anything disturbing.
Do I have someone I need to call or write to today?
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“Who am I?” Blog #64
What keeps me from going backwards today?
Am I making excuses for what I am doing?
I know that I must take 100% responsibility for where I AM at today IF my life is not working
for me….. ONLY I CAN CHANGE THAT. So I must HAVE A PLAN.
I remember a beautiful excerpt from a movie I saw where a nanny was taking care of a
familys’ only little daughter. She had been neglected because they were too busy with
their own lives to spend quality time with her. Every morning the nanny started the little
girls day out by taking her in her lap and holding her, soothing her, comforting her. She
kept telling the the little girl in a calm, inspiring, loving way, “Repeat after me”,
“You is Kind. You is smart. You is important.” She said this to the little girl every day.
We all wish someone could hold us lovingly and say that to us right now.
I also think about the famous writer Marianne Williamson. In her book, “Return to Love”
she writes about our deepest fear. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our
darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? YOU are a child of
God. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel
insecure around you! We were meant to shine as children do. We were born to make
manifest the glory of God within us. It’s not just in some, it’s in everyone. So as we let
our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatially liberates others….”
So now WHO AM I today? I wake up, just like you do every single morning with different
thoughts, different concerns and different hopes for my day. At some point, my concern
takes over my optimistic outlook. This is human nature and every one of us have been
there. Sometimes I have to quickly run outside, I have to take deep breaths as I start to
walk one way for fifteen minutes and then back. All the while walking, I ask for HIS
direction to surround me in light. As I am walking and deep breathing, I find timely
intuition and deep seeded wisdom that was clouded over by worry. I see now where the
fork in the road comes up. I tell myself I cannot dwell on what I myself cannot change. I
cannot change an outcome of an event that already happened. I cannot change
another person’s mind. However, more than anything though, I can change who I am.
I can “Let go, and let God”. I can rise above my worry with my own decision to stop
building walls and start building bridges. I can stop labeling people and deciding the
outcome of something I have not even taken part of! I can definitely pray not just once,
but throughout my day. I can call a new friend, even though I am afraid of rejection. I
can decide: “ I AM kind, I AM smart, I AM important.” This is WHO I AM This bring me a
“calm” immediately. Puts my life in perspective. I tell myself, I will build bridges today
and not build walls of rejection. Because I am changing my attitude today, this will
reflect on my own character and it sums up who I am.
Here’s a fact of life. Every single one of us has our own stuff going on. People are
attracted to people that are optimistic, positive and get up and start over!
I AM non-negotiable when it comes to my faith in God.
I have come from darkness into the light, and I will not go back to darkness ever again.
I believe in the goodness of God and do what I can to help others in need. There is
darkness out there, make no mistake. There are evil temptations and negative energy in
so much of what appears to be good! Yet, HIS LOVE, LIGHT AND LAUGHTER CONQUERS ALL
DARKNESS. Whether movies, or our music or daily advertising, choose carefully what to
bite on. I HAVE TO make a choice for my higher good. NO OTHER CHOICES.
Now I am going to tell you a true story about the amazing, unbelievable, teenage son of
King Louis the 16th of France. He was just a teenager and yet, look what happened to
him. His father was taken from the throne and his young son, the prince, was taken away
by those who dethroned the King. There was much fear that the son would try to take
over for his father. So they took him far away and decided to destroy him morally. They
took him to a community where they exposed the young teen to every filthy and vile
thing that life could offer. They tried to feed him the richest foods that would quickly
make him a slave to his appetite. They exposed him to lewd, lusty and sex filled women.
They exposed him to dishonor and distrust. He was surrounded 24 hours a day to
everything that could drag the soul of a man as low as one could slip. For over six
months they gave him this kind of treatment. Yet, not once did the young teenager
buckle under pressure. Finally after all this intensive temptation, they questioned him.
“Why did you not partake? These things were meant to give you pleasure, satisfy your
lust, they were the most desirable and would provide the ultimate pleasure, they could
be all yours!.”
The young boy spoke quietly, “I cannot do what you asked, for I was born to be a King.”
As a teenager he absolutely knew who he was. In this crazy, conflicted, immoral world -
Now is the time to stand in front of the mirror and say Who am I?, with honest intent.
Starting today I ask myself; What am I giving in to? What do I stand for? What are my
moral beliefs and how have they been challenged today? Here’s a quick reflection, sit
quietly, ask to be surrounded in Gods light. Ask for HIS direction.
What hard task am I asked to do today to bring about MY highest good?
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Humility & Remorse Blog #63
How did my day go today, am I at peace? Is there a person in my life I am upset
with now? Above all, can I find forgiveness for someone today who has hurt me?
Its so ironic how we come out of childhood to think we can leave our families behind!
Yet, only to carry with us so much baggage! This is just stinkin’ old garbage. I know that
as I look back on all parts of my past, I have judged others big time. I’ve been really
upset with a family member because they haven’t wanted to make plans with me, see
me and get together. Well, what about it? We can’t change these people. We can’t
make them different. We especially can’t make them care more! So, what is remorse
really? Its about regret. Its all about realizing how I could have tried harder, given my
all, and said more to break down barriers.
The walls grow big and thick with judgement, all the while knowing, we can’t fix others!
Sometimes with some, its a phone call away, we can make amends and be together.
But only IF both parties want to get together. NOT just one person. However, if there are
family members that deliberately, vindictively and purposefully hold on to mean
feelings - then and only then it’s time to break that connection, say a prayer, bless
them on to their highest good, and MOVE ON!! Leave it alone.
I continue to work on this with humility, remorse and forgiveness. I have judged certain
people in my family and now give myself a pass to “move on. In the dance of life, it’s
important to remember “it takes two to tango”. Every single relationship has meaning,
purpose and room for forgiveness. IF I am aware I remember that all people in my
biological family are there specifically to teach me valuable lessons in living my life
every day, THEN I see I AM evolving! Yet, I remember; “I can’t make others want to be
around me!”
IN the circle of life,” What goes around comes around” What I put out into the universe
comes back to me in spades. What do I mean by this? IF I wake up angry and bitter
and full of blame. Then so goes my day. I become filled with animosity and more
reason to believe everyone else is wrong, and I, a meager bystander. One day goes
into the next and the next. Months go by. Suddenly I see nothing but negativity around
me. I am attracted to more negativity because my gossiping and talking about my
anger with others only perpetuates more darkness dwelling within me.
However, it IS possible to see the world through rose colored glasses, with the glass
half full (not half empty) and tell myself “this too shall pass”. I have a good start to a
brand new day. I have a NEW plan that does NOT involve blaming others for WHO I AM.
Why did I write about remorse and humility? Because everyone of us need this in our
lives every single day. Ironically as I was writing today, I saw two writings in my office
that I keep near me at all times. Both of these writings were written by my two children
when each of them were about twelve years old. Isn’t funny how twelve years old
is like a “passage in life” so to speak. Jesus was twelve years old when he went into
the temple to teach. “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”
My eldest son wrote about love and I will include his writing, especially because it
wound up being printed in a magazine that year.
“Unconditional Love”
Unconditional Love is hard to explain,
its not like a boat or a plane.
Its not the love you give someone when they’re going away on a train.
Unconditionally is to give, and to give, and to give until you’re all out.
Unconditional Love is to give from your heart, and that’s what its all about.
David. N. 6/24/1990. (Twelve years old)
Our daughter who was also twelve years old (only many years later)… wrote this:
“Humility and Remorse”
“Humility is when you put other people’s life in front of your own. People can use
humility when its around the holidays. Instead of saying “I wonder what I will get?”
You can think about what you will get for other people. Someone who has alot of
humility is my mom. She is always willing to put down whatever she is doing to help
other people, such as her family. Remorse means to be sorry for your sins and try not
to do them again. People can use remorse when they get into a fight with their best
friend. Instead of jumping to conclusions, apologize and just make up. By putting
others first, I try to have humility and remorse. I can write a letter to someone
explaining why……. This helps me because I am able to explain why I do or did things
without being right in front of the person. Someone who shows remorse in my family
is my brother. He always goes and apologizes to someone he gets in a fight with.”
Humility and remorse are important because they basically keep this world together.
When people fight, they should just apologize….” Chrissy. Z. 12 yrs. old. 5/9/2018
Isn’t is amazing what children know about life by the time they are twelve years old?
Yet, as adults we manage so often to get stuck in a time warp of defiant darkness?
So very interesting to see the different perspectives of life from twelve years old.
what happens to us In life as we go and grow and gleam insights going into our
adulthood? Do we take in life gently or do we judge harshly? I understand life can be
filled with answers that only appear to be absolutes! “I won’t forgive!” “Look how they
hurt me!” “Im never getting over that!” Someone might say these things to me.
Then I can answer back with HIS words, Jesus’ last words as he hung on a cross;
“Father forgive them, for they know NOT what they do”
We are here to learn our own lessons each and every day, not to judge others. We are
not here to pick up the phone and call someone and gossip about others. We are here
to pick up the phone, call a friend and spread the “good news of HIS word”. It doesn’t
really matter where we are in life as far as age, circumstance, or health. Each one of us
can start with a new plan of forgiveness, remorse and humility today. I know how much
less baggage I carry around now that I unload daily and take in forgiveness, remorse
and humility. I feel healthier. I feel alive, I AM light hearted. Above all, I feel loved, I feel
HIS unconditional love pouring down on me and in all this HE raises me up each and
every day.
“Can you find humility and remorse today?”
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“The Impossible” Blog #62
Why is it important to have Faith? What does it matter if I believe or don’t believe?
What is my Faith all about anyway? It’s nearly impossible to have faith without belief.
Then again, belief in what? Living, breathing, existing in this world every day…. alone?
Pretty scary. I have my life, some days are rewarding and others challenging. I admit, it’s
hard to understand Life. Day in and day out. Yet, now I feel I have evolved and found my
anchor, where everything else is secondary. Nothing makes a person more of a non-
believer then to push religion on a person living in a secular society filled with want and
their own choices. It can be a busy, cold, dark world out there, navigating in unchartered
waters……all alone.
I am going to tell a little story and let you take away from it what you will. This is a true
story about a young man who truly believed in the power of Love. HE made it possible to
believe in the “Impossible which only HE can do”.
This man had one thought in mind - He saw a cold dark world, getting darker. HE chose
to live by example and believed if he traveled around proving to others exactly how
powerful HIS love for us was, others might believe as well. So he set about finding twelve
friends to show and also give them the power of Love and why he believed in goodness,
forgiveness and love above all else. For the most part, while traveling with his twelve
friends, HE went around day and night helping and healing people and HE did what
others would say was “the Impossible”.
This is a factual, chronological order of actual miracles this man did:
HE turned water into wine at a wedding. Then HE healed an officials son in Galilee from
dying. HE went on to drive out evil spirits from a Man in Capernaum. HE healed his friend;
Peters mother dying and sick with fever, and kept healing more sick.
HE cleansed a Man with Leprosy, HE healed a paralyzed servant, then another paralyzed
man, restored a withered hand, and then raised a woman’s son from the dead. (This is
more then ten so far.)
All of his disciples were frightened in a boat during a horrific storm, so HE calmed the sea
in front of them and then walked on water! Later they watched as HE cast out demons
into a herd of pigs!
HE healed another woman and brought someones daughter back to life! Moving on, HE
healed two blind men and went over to heal a man unable to speak! HE brought back to
health an invalid in Bethesda and fed 5000 people plus women and children from two
loaves of bread and some fish! (There were baskets left over.)
After this HE kept on healing more people who even touched his clothing, asking for help.
Showing others around him, HE took a demon out of a woman’s daughter, healed a deaf
and dumb man right in front of many, then HE fed another 4000 from barely nothing. By
spitting on the dirt and rubbing a blind mans eyes, he was restored to sight! Going from
town to town, HE healed a little boy with an unclean spirit. There was another
documented case of a woman who had been crippled for 18 years, HE healed her
instantly. From there HE cleansed ten lepers on his way to Juresalem. HE healed Lazarus,
his dear friend, who had been dead for days and no one knew what to say. When he
healed a man with dropsy on the Sabbath, this is where they got HIM. I guess it’s a big
crime to heal someone back to health on the Sabbath Day!? HE still went on to restore
sight to Bartimaeus in Jericho, even though they were closing in on him. Does this sound
like a wanted criminal?
HE knew HIS end was coming. HE was alone with his friends in a garden praying. Soldiers
came, then one of his twelve close friends deceived him and turned on him for 30
pierces of Silver. Yet, even to the very end when one of the other twelve defended him
and cut off a soldiers ear in the garden as HE was being taken away, HE restored the
soldiers ear! Can you believe this? A love so great as HIS.
It almost seems impossible, doesn’t it?
Today is Good Friday. On this day HE was tortured, hung on a cross, and died.
At the very end HE cried out, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”.
One might wonder what is so Good about Good Friday? HIS goodness.All over the world
today, this is a very Holy day indeed. HE is the reason for my faith. In every way, it is
possible for me to believe IN HIM. Then in believing in HIS light, comes my faith. I feel safe.
Jesus Christ the Son of God heard Judas (HIS betrayer turn on him then commit suicide.)
All this for 30 pieces of silver. He went to Jesus to say, “Surely it is not I, Rabbi?” to which
Jesus answered; “YOU have said so”.
This man Jesus is crucified for being a criminal? Three days later, HE did raise from the
tomb and was NOT there. the tomb was torn open. The earth quaked, rocks were split,
tombs of others everywhere were opened and the bodies of many saints who had fallen
asleep were raised. The dead entered the Holy city and appeared to many. Soldiers
who kept watch over Jesus’ tomb feared greatly when they saw the earthquake and all
that was happening. They said:
“Truly this was the Son of God!”
Only HE makes possible the impossible. Have a Blessed, Happy Easter.
“Is it possible to find Faith in HIM today?”
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“Wake Up Call” Blog #61
What is my first thought in the morning when I wake up?
Am I still in yesterday… even though its today?
Do I start my day out with spiritual insurance? What even does this mean?
It’s critical to connect right away in the morning. The world is always out there, the
idea that we can be shielded from all struggle, run from things and avoid hurt. This
will never happen. I have to believe when I look at myself, I look to HIM for courage.
Every person has issues to face, yet, not everything that is faced can be changed.
The second I wake up I must accept this fact my mind is filled with thousands of
things that I may feel are necessary to figure out right away. Yet, that’s not the way I
find spiritual insurance. “So I put my hands together immediately when I awake and I
ask HIM quietly, with a thankful heart. “Show me the way today and thank you for the
direction and clarity and discipline to do the right things.” This is so important
because thoughts never stop, I never stop thinking, except when I finally go to sleep
So isn’t it comforting to realize and understand that HE hears me? I cannot feel
protected and directed and safe unless I wake up and say a prayer. Thankfully at
peace, when I am finished, now I can sort out my thoughts with way less confusion.
I understand now where my priorities lay and what I have to deal with in order. When
I am anxious, nothing goes right.
Only I AM in charge of me and who I AM. Does this fit? People often refer to the “glass
half full” being the positive point. Imagine our day starting out with a thankful heart
and allowing HIM to take over and I stay quiet for a few moments so I am able to
listen for direction. More often than not, people have said to me, “it’s impossible, I
have to do it on my own, or things will never happen. I don’t have time for this
nonsense”. What IF in prayer we are bringing in “spiritual reinforcement” and
everything we do today now has positive purpose? I am sure you have heard the
saying, “If you want to make God laugh, just tell him your plans”. There were many
times in my life where I was so busy all day, by the time night arrived and the day was
finally done, I fell into bed.
In one instant our lives can change in a breath. We all know this, we have
experienced good and bad. When I finally grasped the importance of prayer, I
prayed hard one Sunday. I remember going into church and I asked prayerfully in
earnest, “Please send me a good man, someone without negative baggage and
someone who will lift me up be very kind”. I ended my prayer with a thank you.
That was on a Sunday morning. Later that same day, I was at my Open House
wishing the owners had turned on the air conditioner because it was getting very
warm inside. Just then, I saw a small green sports car pull into the drive way and
a very tall, good looking man walked up to the door. He was looking to buy a house.
Later on, after I did sell him a new townhome we started dating and that man
became my husband. A funny side note to this story is this, my husband had been
golfing and said he had no idea he was going to be looking at houses that day.
He said, “It was the strangest thing, but something just came into my mind and I
got lost driving around and showed up at your listing!”
My future husband had driven down the wrong street and that was how we met!
Now a thousand people might attribute that to chance. People would say “it was just
a coincidence, nothing more to it”. .My future husband told me so many times
how strange that day was. “I am very disciplined”, he said”. “I mean it, I had no
plans except to golf that afternoon. Then something came into my mind and I
was intent on looking for a house to buy”. He just sat there shaking his head.
I believe in miracles. I believe in truth. I believe that WHEN we believe, HE hears us.
Once again, I am reminded of the Easter Season. It is still Lent and there is an
amazing, wonderful, kind man who has done so much just for us. For forty days HE
went off into the desert to fast, pray and be in solitude. No one person can identify
with what he did. Imagine trying to fast at all? It is only nine days until Easter, yet, the
man Jesus would still be fasting after thirty one days! What do you think is his
purpose for doing such a thing?
A real God took on “human form” to show us what true love is. To show us through his
humanity, his suffering, his dedication to unconditional love for each of us. Where
does the fault lie in any of this? Why are so many so afraid to believe? When I was
younger I just did not understand or take the time to learn anything about the “man
Jesus”. I am so sorry that I never did this. I feel much of my own suffering and
sadness and anger might have been reduced. I truly believe that Life makes more
sense when we stop, take a deep breath and pray.
We have to ask for an understanding heart, then be thankful for exactly where we are.
We wake up each morning and we immediately have two roads to take. We can
lie and be dishonest, or we can tell the truth in every situation and be honest with
ourself today. IF this were our last day on earth, how would we spend it? No matter
what. I can see myself growing stronger internally, when I admit the truth. We will
hurt ourself badly if our choice is dishonesty. I now wake up in the morning to his
comforting call and I lay there for my prayerful moment and accept today. For today
there is is a new lesson to learn. Whether we live alone or with others. I am asked to
wake up now to the truth inside me. IF I prayerfully ask for direction, words will come.
I will be assured what I AM to do.
This I know for sure, “Jesus, I believe in you”.
“In the morning, can I quiet my mind to my wakeup call?”
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