“Sorry for What?” Blog #65

Do I have to say I’m sorry to myself? Do I have to go over all the past, sordid, sad details

behind me? Do I even need to reflect on the past, IF that is where it is - “in my

permanent past”? Looking back and reflecting on our past is important in everyones life.

The former Queen of England, when she was speaking to Northern and Southern Ireland

about apology and regret said this:

“It is sad and regrettable - reality, Throughout our history we have experienced more then a fair share of heartache, turbulence and loss….with the benefit of hindsight we can all see things which we wish had been done and dealt with differently or not at all.” She said: “We are to bow to our past, but not be bound by it. Whatever life throws at us, our individual responsibility is to be stronger, work together and share the load. The ties of family, friends and affection are the most precious resource of all…”

Wow - those are some pretty heavy words to take in.

So many of us are busy just trying to “go forward”, so why bother with the past? I try to

imagine a persons attic after many years of living in one house. I imagine lots of boxes,

tons of memorabilia and everywhere you look, cobwebs! Boxes and boxes, shoved

away, into the past. Yet, to some extent, at some point, we will all have these things to

be dealt with, will we not? It’s important to clean out our attic. Time to get rid of the old,

sort through the boxes of memorabilia, keep what is precious and let go of the rest.

Then MOVE ON.

Our mind can be a lot like an attic. We shove away what we do not want to deal with.

Remember when people used to write letters to each other? I don’t mean texting now

or even long emailing or Tweets or a Facebook connection. I mean picking up a pen

and a clean piece of paper. Taking pen in hand and writing down a message to

someone across the miles, or someone left behind. Place a stamp on the envelope,

address it and mail it - now.

The fact the letter has a stamp and is addressed to a person, increases the specific

importance of it. Then it obligates a person to open up the letter. Now the person must

absorb what you have written. This took time on your part. What feelings they must feel

as they read throughout the letter. This can have a powerful impact.

People move away. People break ties. People leave things unfinished. More often

then nought, there is sadness in the air. Often times taking the time to write a letter

if “sorry” is the intended purpose, can have a huge opportunity to clear the air. A person

can think things out as they write without being interrupted. The person receiving the

letter can read it and reread it over again. Words put on paper can be more of an

influence in changing the atmosphere of a relationship than a person knows. Every one

of us have said or done something or relayed an action that was taken the wrong way.

Maybe words were said that have been left hanging in the air. Maybe inside our mind

we feel differently than the way we left things with someone else. There are so many

ways to apologize. Then again, maybe it is just time to start over with a new approach.

There is always the next part of destiny, it steps in with such finality, such doom. In

different words. Death.

We are not meant to be here forever. Each day gives us a full plate of life situations to

handle honestly. Yet, here’s a revolutionary thought, are we afraid to do it ? Do it

anyway! Write a letter. Pick up the phone. Start by saying sorry, watch the air clear to a

beautiful blue sky.

Each of us know IF something in my past could use fixing. Say to self, Is it me, can I fix it?

We are all capable of writing a kind, thought provoked, loving letter. Maybe a few lines.

If our thoughts are not loving, this can turn our power the opposite way. Do I now realize

I can help heal a relationship with a letter? Maybe a call. I may need to forgive

someone in my close circle that I have turned my back on. Sometimes a letter helps

heal all things. My anger and a heavy heart can dissolve instantly by just reaching out.

When I REMOVE the resentment and blame and hatred, then walls begin to crumble.

Sometimes that phone call changes the whole world around me.

I remember years ago in my early married life, I had told myself I would not be calling

my mother for a while because I was tired of our conversations. Almost every time I

called her, I felt it was depressing to talk about things we could do nothing about. I had

to listen to her worry, concern and fear for a family member that had gone off the deep

end. However, I did not realize as much as I thought “out of sight, out of mind”, was a

good approach, it weighed heavy on me. I had a small child and wanted him to be in

her life. Days were coming and going and we had not seen each other for a while. It

was mostly because of my decision to keep a distance. It was my decision to look at life

“only my way”. Yet, this was a particularly beautiful morning. It was hot and sunny and

a perfect day for being outside. With a heavy heart, I kept thinking about her. This

morning I was just plain missing my mom. I could feel it in my heart and for once, I was

not analyzing our relationship within my head. I gave in to a “hunch and feeling” that I

should just call her, make a plan to see her this day. Maybe we could get together and

she could be with her little grandson.

As I look back, I realize by literally taking my “mindset” out of the equation and going with

my heart, I was able to pray and let the universe do the rest - Everything fell into

perfect place. My mom drove over to meet me and off we went for a beautiful day at

the lake. We sat on a blanket, talked about fun memories from the past and enjoyed

the hot sunny weather. Early in the afternoon my Mom took her little grandson for a

chocolate ice cream cone. I can still see his pudgy little toddler fingers holding tight

onto grandma as they walked along the beach sharing a melting chocolate cone. All

afternoon he slept. We relaxed, talked and laughed and had the best time with each

other I can remember. Later that day, my husband somehow miraculously found us at

the beach. He said “something told him” to come find us and bring us a picnic dinner.

What a surprise! A basket filled with hot fried chicken, red grapes, croissants and potato

salad and watermelon, which we eagerly devoured. My mom broke little bits of red

grapes in half and fed them to her hungry little grandson. My husband had grabbed

the last chilled bottle of white wine we happen to have in our fridge. We ate, we

laughed, we enjoyed each other. As the hot sunny day gave way to evening, it was now

time to go. We left the beach that late summers eve filled with food, a beautiful

memory and completely content. It had been a perfect, summer picnic on an ideal

summers day. As we walked slowly across the soft green, grass, my Mom smiled over at

us saying,

“Best day ever kids, I’ll see you tomorrow…”

The following morning at 9:12 am my mom was gone. Her life is no more. That day was

no longer just another normal hot summer day. I am thankful I listened to my heart the

day before. I am thankful I have no regrets in any of the decisions I made the day

before. I am especially thankful I did not stay away, I have this beautiful memory that

has carried me through all my heartache in the years since she has been gone. It’s

important to live every day as though it were my last. We all know who we are IF we are

hanging on to anything disturbing.

Do I have someone I need to call or write to today?

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