“Lifeboat” Blog #126

Whose side am I on?

Where are my beliefs centered?

What DO I really stand for?

Three different questions, yet all different versions of the same question. What do I believe

I stand for and why do I believe this? On April 15, 1912, the British ocean liner, The Titanic

was carrying 2224 passengers. This massive ship was on its maiden voyage from England

to New York City. Some of its passengers were among the wealthiest people in the world.

The ships builder had guaranteed this ship to be “indestructible.” That is until the ship hit

an iceberg. It then took less than two hours and forty minutes for this massive, majestic,

mighty piece of artistic brilliance, to sink to the bottom of the ocean floor. Almost 1500 passengers perished. Sadly, only 728 people managed to get to safety on little more than 20 lifeboats.

The first class accommodation on the Titanic was designed to be the pinnacle of comfort

and luxury. There was a swimming pool, gymnasium, fine restaurants, cafes, Turkish baths

and hundreds of beautiful cabins. The remotely activated watertight doors contributed to

the ship having a reputation as “unsinkable”. Yet take note in how quickly it went down to

the bottom of the ocean. A little more than two hours and forty minutes, and then no

more.

Reaching out, I often try to find what can make sense to me. in my life. When do I feel like I

may be sinking and in desperate need of a “lifeboat”? How often have I found the need to

take one deep breath after another and say to myself, “Why me, Lord?”

There are so many of us that want a concrete reason to believe in HIM? There is not a

single tangible reason why I or you should believe in Jesus Christ as our Lord IF this belief is

based on “tangible evidence right now”. Yet, I ask myself, is there tangible evidence where

exactly the wind comes from? Why the weather decides to change on a dime and where

does the rainbow come and go from anyway? Is there tangible evidence how exactly a

baby is made inside a human body? We all know there is no tangible evidence of any of

the above.

Still, nothing can make me believe in a Higher Power IF I do not want to. Nothing can

make me love HIM, and nothing can make me search until I must I be tested and tempted

and changed internally. Then with nerves frayed beyond measure, am I brought to a

pinnacle place of truth? For this truly is where growth of the inner Holy Spirit takes place.

Then I resolve to take HIS lifeboat. It is always here for me regardless of how many times I

have pushed HIM away. Jesus IS my lifeline connecting me to my lifeboat. In any and all

difficulty HE now lives in my heart with HIS Holy Spirit instilled within me for truth, love and

protection.

IF it is the middle of the night and I am afraid, lonely and filled with anxiety, Jesus is here

and he comes with an army of angels to help, heal and rescue me. HE has now

constructed a lifeline to my lifeboat which instantly gives me tremendous courage,

confidence and clarity.

I still remember when JESUS ASKED PETER TO TAKE HIS HAND IN THE BOAT. Peter began to

walk on the water toward Jesus and suddenly looked down and started to sink. Jesus said

to Peter, “Oh, ye of little faith”.

Can I believe there is a lifeboat waiting for me now?

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“Mindfulness?” Blog #125

Is my mind full of goodness or angry thoughts today?

What am I constantly focusing my thinking on now?

How do I bring peace into my life at this moment?

The other day I decided to pay attention to the people that live in my house with me. My

husband, my son and my daughter. What is foremost on each of their minds at that

moment? My husband was busy at his computer checking his emails, working on his mail

and paying the bills. He is very budget conscience man. My son, on the other hand was

upset with the fact that his scooter broke down and decided to focus his efforts on

cleaning up his mountain bike and relying on that for the summer. Our daughter was

busy making plans for her freshman year at college with all of its hopes and dreams. I on

the other hand, was doing none of the above. I had done my morning chores. I was

finished with my daily exercise and I was finding a way to let the “challenges of my day”

not get the best of me.

What are my copying skills now?

Why do I make this statement? Without realizing it, I suddenly became aware of the fact

that we are all living in the same house - separately. We are doing our own thing “so to

speak” but living together. What brings peace and harmony to each of us? First of all, we

each must feel safe and secure and satisfied with our home life. Most important we must

have respect for those around us, near us and those we encounter. The only way to have

the utmost respect for another person is to have the highest respect for one’s self.

Throughout the years in my real estate practice I was always aware of families that I

found homes for and who was the primary person making the decisions. It often varied,

sometimes the wife, sometimes the husband. Most of all, I could tell the way a person felt

about themself, almost instantly. A person shows their true colors by the way they present

themself from the onset. Are they dressed nicely and presentable? Not too flamboyant,

not too faddish and above all not slovenly? Nails clean, hair neatly groomed and shoes in

good shape? I realized early on, if I was a person that “simply did not care”, there was a

good chance that others would not care how they treated me either. Every day I show up

for myself and bring the best I can be out for others to see. Even at home, I try to look my

best.

I was at a luncheon the other day. Seated at a table of nine other women that all came

from a variety of professions. I studied the people at my table. I was immediately taken

by the woman across from me. She seemed so different from the other women at the

table who were non-stop talking and did not seem to be hearing anything anyone else

said. This woman was very in touch with herself. She was dressed very conservatively but

extremely classic. Her hair was short and perfectly groomed. She was thin and in perfect

shape. Her jewelry was modest, only a beautiful large pair of pearl earrings. She never

stopped smiling and as the luncheon went on, everyone at the table shared their secrets

of staying healthy. This woman across from me, was Asian descent, she volunteered her

age to be 92! I was absolutely astounded because she looked 65. All the other women

stopped talking and focused their attention on her. “How in the world did she do this”, we

all asked her. She never stopped smiling, just continued to share. Her secret she told all of

us at the table was “mindfulness”. Every morning she made sure that after her routine of

workout, walking and relaxation, came the mindfulness that was so critical to her feeling a

sense of peace throughout her day.

When I left the luncheon, I immediately looked up the word in the dictionary:

Mindfulness - “A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present

moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and

bodily sensations as a therapeutic technique.”

So what in the world am I talking about anyway? Let’s say someone hurts my feelings by

something they said, I am immediately angry and I want to lash out. Let’s say someone

judges me unfairly and I want to right this wrong by retaliation. Better still, let’s say my

whole day goes wrong because I cannot stop thinking and focusing and fighting my

feelings of anger, dread and judgement. Well, mindfulness appears to help! Feel those

feelings then leave them alone! Move out of the lower self rut with the deep breathing

techniques.

Mindfulness brings in simple breathing techniques. I couple them with this. After the deep

breathing, I bring in the “Light Prayer” and the “Lords Prayer” to balance all my energies

that have gotten out of wack. As I breathe in, I pray to let go. I then focus only on the

“Given Moment at Hand” - my most distressing thought and angry feelings now move out

of my mind. I have brought myself back to the present by being “Present in this exact

moment”. It’s very important that I continue to remind myself about this.

All these “Things” that have happened to me are my “Lessons once again”. I must try to

remind myself of this and remember Jesus is my best friend. He is here and He is holding

my hand through everything that I may encounter. I am not afraid of today.

Over and over again - I focus on Mindfulness - being present in the given moment only.

Can I stop, look AND listen with Mindfulness now?

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‘‘Change It Now!“ Blog #124

What if I want God to change this situation I am in right now?

Why did I have this happen to me today?

When will the drama end and peace fill up my life?

How many times have I said I want a certain situation to end right now?

I want God to change this situation now. What IF……..

God wants the situation to “change me” now ?

When I get in a situation where there is no way out, I now know it is up to me to look at SELF

and see how I can grow from what is happening to me. Maybe I should look at what is

happening to me in a much broader way. What do I mean by this? Sometimes the

universe gets ahold of our life and shakes things up a bit. Suddenly we are shaking our

head and thinking “I most certainly did not start out the day like this!” Maybe there is a

certain lesson that has been given to me and for whatever reason, I have not learned. I

am suppose to learn from this lesson! So at a certain point, I am put in another situation

to learn a different, more powerful lesson around different situations given to me.

Now, the frustrating part in all of this, is…….. WHAT AM I TO BE LEARNING HERE?

It is only when I quiet myself, sit down, take deep breaths, I now sense real truth.

IF I am stressed, upset, worried about anything at all, there is where my lessons lie. I had a

very peculiar day today. Not a day that I could ever picture myself having. It is only after

sharing all this today, I have come to figure out why this kind of day happened to me. I

awoke early this morning and had planned on going with my husband to drop off our SUV

to get serviced before we were to leave for a long summer trip. When we walked out to

the driveway to get into our car, it was not there! More troubling then this was someone

had come into our driveway, got into our car and seeing that the keys had been left there

by mistake, decided to steal the car! The fact that we live in a gated community for the

past five years, has given us a feeling that we were very safe. We felt nothing could really

happen, especially with a guard inside a gatehouse twenty four hours a day, watching the

comings and goings of everyone. Not so, Not true, nothing is for sure. Both my husband

and I were shocked. How could this have happened? We were , worried and upset that

someone had brazenly driven off with our car! Why had we never thought about security

cameras? Although the car was missing, it did not appear anything else was taken. Yet,

where in the world was our car? Who would have taken it and would we ever get it back?

More than anything else, I kept asking myself, WHY did this happen to us now?

Later in the morning the police called us to say that the car had now been found. It was

off the highway, up near the mountains. It was disabled, parked on the side of the freeway

and abandoned. One police officer said earlier In the morning he had passed our car

when “he rememberd seeing a hispanic man looking under the hood….” Later on we had

to go to the police station to file a police report, then on to the car dealership where we

tried to find out how long it would take to fix our car? Now, WHAT IF all these things

happened to us to prevent something much greater, much more injurious, much more

serious, from happening?

I do believe this is how the universe does work. I have to live my life that way. I believe

once I have my faith in place, I am protected no matter what. So with that awareness, I

will not get too caught up In what happened with my car being stolen. It has now been

found. Even though we eventually heard later on today that the engine was ruined. There

is a reason for all of this happening. I must go with the flow. I am now aware that we also

were in need of getting “Home security protection”. This was long overdue. This will be in

place by the time we leave. For awhile I had been dwellng on the fact that we had lost

two days from our Summer Trip, all because of this. Yet, when I checked on the weather

where we were going, I was told there had been a “Mini Tornado” that had touched down.

Many of the boats (like ours could have been) were upside down in the water. There was

also golf ball size hail that hit many cars, denting and compromising their worth. When I

let go of trying to control every moment, I then realize I can “think outside the box”. I grow

leaps and bounds ahead of where I “was at”. Now, with my faith in place, my guidance

system is working to show me more ways I need to take better care of myself.

So now, I remember I am constantly being prepared for the “next level” of learning. I am

here. I am ready. I am willing. When something happens to me and I get angry, I become

very vulnerable to negativity. Then the anger and judgement and resentment set in. My

pride takes over my Lower self and pushes away the higher self, understanding Heart. I no

longer want to try. This will always keep me stuck until I can make up my mind to start

thinking Higher, and higher with “change of heart” in a broader, wiser, more spiritual way.

My higher self kicks into gear now. With my faith intact, the Holy Spirit in taking over and I

breathe easily, now knowing what to do, these are my tests. I no longer push away the

light of Christ that feeds me. I choose my higher self power to guide me, help me and

heal me. This brings me right out of any lower self fog. The air is clear, calm and I breathe

in deeply.

Am I willing to learn from change now?

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“Parachute Pack?” Blog #123

How am I prepared to take on my day?

What tools inside me help me face what ever happens today?

Can I trust I have a “Higher Self” internally to guide me?

Unless I sit inside my house, do nothing, plan nothing, go nowhere, this is the only place I

can rationalize I am protected from the “slings and arrows” of the outside world. Yet, am I

protected? Am I aware of the fact “approximately 77% of all accidents happen inside a

persons own home”?

Most of the problems are because of falls. People fall and hurt themself. This situation

can give a person an immediate life change. Am I ready for this? There are so many

unexpected twists and turns that happen in our daily life. I believe that sometimes the

universe finds its own way of getting our attention.

Before we travel anywhere, we need to have a “map prepared” for where we are going.

Raising our children, many households have teenagers that will go off into the world

and/or off to college. How are they prepared to take on the outside world, if life gets them

down, what can pick them up?

This is their opportunity to keep on learning. However, do they have an internal connection

to their higher self? Did you know that 38% of students have thought about suicide? Even

after college there is graduate school, Masters Degrees and Doctorates.

THIS IS A PLAN, YES, BUT IS IT FILLED WITH BALANCE? WHERE IS THE SPIRITUAL PIECE?

Who and what and where prepares us to take on “the outside world?” All the problems

that may lay waiting. All the good and all the disappointing trials. Do I have an internal

plan of action if my world takes a detour? What if I wake up in the morning and there is a

medical emergency? What if I drive my car and it breaks down? What if another person

pulls the rug out from under me with cruel words and behavior? Because I have “Free Will”

I can choose whatever I want to do to make me happy, content and at peace.

So I ask myself, “Am I happy, content, at peace?”

The only way to find happiness, contentment and peace is through Love.

First and foremost I love Jesus Christ. He shows me how to love myself.

When I start my day I say the “light Prayer”of protection:

THE LIGHT OF GOD SURROUNDS ME, THE LOVE OF GOD ENFOLDS ME, THE POWER OF GOD

PROTECTS ME AND THE PRESENCE OF GOD WATCHES OVER ME, WHEREVER I AM, GOD IS

AND ALL IS WELL.

NOW MY PARACHUTE IS HALFWAY PACKED. Human pride and ego and anger create division.

These are the three demons of darkness that thrive in the lower self world. They build walls

of indifference, hate and violence. We can avoid all of this by rising above our lower self

thinking. When I decide to go with God and trust in my higher self, this brings more tools

to put into my “permanent parachute”. When I trust, I trust my Higher Self, Jesus has

placed his Holy Spirit inside me inside my Higher Self. I feel loved and alive and loosened

from all the snares of the outside world now. All the trappings, all the negativity and all the

daily drama are just like the television that I can choose (with my own Free Will) to turn on

or off on a daily basis. So, my Prayer of Protection is memorized now. My Higher Self now

takes over my lower self and I feel I can finally navigate through any rough waters with a

set sail and Jesus is at my helm. More than anything, I have replaced my fear (“False

Events Appearing Real”) with faith in HIM.

Shortly before dawn, Jesus saw his disciples who were in a boat amidst terrible weather.

They were being tossed around. They were terrified. Jesus immediately told them “Take

courage, it is I. Do not be afraid”. Then Peter said, “Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you

on the water”. “Come”, HE said. Then Peter got out of the boat, walked on the water and

come toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and beginning to sink, he

cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “Oh,

you of little faith”, he said, “Why did you doubt?”

The world with all its billions of people and all its complexities and strife DO exist. Yet

amidst all this, still remain the beauty. The brilliant universe of stars twinkling in the night

with the ever present full moon in its readiness. The blue sky filled with beautiful birds. The

sunrise and sunset. The butterfly, the giraffe, the lion and the eagle. The rainbow. So

many representations of life and its higherarchy. At the end of each day, it is in finding

purpose. We must find our truth and in doing this we are finding peace. This brings us full

circle. Now we have established what matters most in our “parachute preparation”.

Instilling all this belief.

So here I am. I am now ready with my parachute packed for total protection. I am aware.

I am content. I am instantly prepared for the unexpected because the Holy Spirit is in

place. I have connected with my Higher Self. All is right with my world. Packing my

parachute, giving myself the greatest love of all.

Can I pack my parachute today for permanent protection?

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“Inside Self” Blog #122

What choices can give me a better life right now?

Where, when and how - Do my actions connect to my wants?

How much do I put off until tomorrow, knowing today is calling?

I am all alone in this house I live in. No one but me and house exists at this moment. If I

pick up something and move it, this validates my presence in the room. This shows me I

am right here, capable of so much more. So let’s go on…

I clear, rearrange and throw things away. Looking at the way in which I live, it makes sense

to have much less clutter now. Less mess to clean out. Less of a build up of “old stuff”

around me. All the things that have no more use, I must now discard. This is my way of

living my life with more peace. I don’t need to juggle thousands of balls inside of my mind.

I don’t need to find answers to every part of my life that has passed. There is a simpler

way now to live my life with crystal clear clarity. However, it does take a different sensibility

to make use of a bit more common sense.

I begin to reason carefully with my “self” now. I can say confidently, “today is the perfect

day to start looking deep inside self”. It is primetime now for this new awareness. Why?

Because I matter. I matter so much to HIM. HE wants me to see the only purpose of my

life is to be with HIM. To find comfort inside of me. This is truly where my “Higher Self”

resides and waits for me.

Every day I must live with myself. I go to sleep, I wake up and I am always with my same

needs and wants and ideas about my life. Yet there are always problems that creep in.

There are people who say hurtful words. There are situations that happen, with no clue

how to “fix”. There is stress all around me. So now I take a very deep breath. I see now

how important balance is to my life.

Therefore I desire to bring peace into my life regardless of all other conditions.

No special coming of age today, just an inner understanding that it is time. It is time to

find the most peace-filled, safest, loving way to live from this day forward.

Remember this, “When the student is ready, the teacher does appear!”

Therefore, if you and I are reading this, it is indeed our time for inner change. Very often

the easiest way to handle any situation inside “self” that is troubling, bothersome or

constantly repetitively worrisome, is this: Take a piece of paper and write down the

specific situation that is “plaguing the mind the most”.

Give self options of how to deal with it:

1. Ignore it completely. (hoping it will just fade away)

2. Leave it for tomorrow. (think of ways to solve it tomorrow)

3. Resolve it Here and Now. (always the best approach)

   IF I choose “Here and Now” and the problem has to do with other people, as so often it does - I must remember this important. Rule of Life: every person is given free will -No one can interfere with another persons free will.

4. So I WRITE IT DOWN - I CAN SEND A LETTER - I can pray for a peaceful solution.

   Then as alarming as it may sound, I see I have no control over any person. So, as I work “my plan” for inside self, I leave Jesus Christ to do the inner work of cleansing and clearing and healing. My job is to apply what I have learned.

5. Let Go. Learning a most important Fact of Life: Let Go of what I can’t fix.

   Hearing all this, I see my own weakness and fear and fragility. HE is my help. Jesus is here, waiting for me to accept him and I do that. All prayers when prayed for our “highest good and the highest good of those concerned”.

6. THESE PRAYERS ARE ALWAYS ANSWERED. Taking a deep breath, this is inner self sense of mine now takes on a VERY free feeling. I am calm.

I once knew a man who stated, “I keep three books going at all times”. I read a true story,

a book of fiction and a book of faith”. He also constantly carried a small note pad and

pen with him every place he went. Even when he went to bed at night, he kept a little

tablet of paper and a pen right by his bed. Why do you think he did this? Because he

didn’t want to forget something important that may cross his mind!

Legacybox.com states, “Between 50,000 - 70,000 thoughts go through the average brain

on a daily basis! On an average day, we humans have from 45-50 thoughts racing

through our mind every single minute.” What possibly can make me calm myself down

now? One way to do this is just by focus. Focus on just the current moment and this is

called “Mindfulness”.

When I “Let Go” and allow self to not worry and trust all is right around me. My best friend

is Jesus Christ. HE is with me now. By understanding all of the above, my worry, concern

and stress are at bay. I just gave it to HIM. Inside me now, HE feeds me, frees me and

shows me instant faith. I am calm. Isn’t it time for an “inside Self” cleansing?

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“My Trials” Blog #121

How often do I feel the pangs of being all alone?

Do my inner thoughts HAVE healthy coping skills?

Am I always sensing an anxious feeling?

I noticed when I sit outside, walk outside and spend time outside in the fresh, healthy air,

everything is so very peaceful. Everything seems right with the world. The birds, all of

them, obviously have a place to live, food to eat and shelter in the dark, cold night. Even

animals, not domesticated have shelter and for the most part, are able to find food.

Seasons come and go, flowers bloom and die. All looks right in the world of nature. I look

at my own world and my life around me, and I see Its important to count my blessings

and be thankful for what I have. So what then? What does cause me feelings of anxiety?

There are things that go over and over in my mind, and I have concern about them. That

is worry. The nights that keep me restless and turning, unable to sleep. All the things I

cannot find humanly possible to find my own answers to. My mind justifies daily, who I can

and who I cannot share feelings of concern. Do I feel I cannot go too deep with another

human being for fear they see my own frailties? Most of us choose not to share too much,

what IF this were held against me, right? So with that concern and constant struggle, I see

there is really no place to run, no place to go, no place to hide out with all this old, broken,

stuff. Still so much kept hidden and locked up, seemingly safe inside.

So when does all of this internal burden come forth? All my trials, tribulations and my

anxious thoughts need to be dealt with. They need to be removed. Why? Most of all,

distressing thoughts come about when one least expects them. I see this over and over

again, without fail.

IF I choose the “Show Curtain” now to go up, it must be with honest intent. For there HE

is, HE is waiting patiently in the wings, waiting for me to turn my head, see Jesus

smiling at me. I must agree internally to ask HIM for help to do this. Then and only then,

instantly will my trials be turned into testaments of truth. There is nothing to fear.

Everything is healed in a breath. Jesus is just waiting. I heard the most fascinating

commentary in church this past Sunday. It was one of those “miracle teaching moments”

when I just plain got it and it all had to do with a microwave oven. The priest was

comparing a microwave oven to a regular kitchen convection oven. He spoke confidently,

“A regular oven heats up slowly, from the outside to the inside of the food. A microwave

oven, instantly heats the food from the inside out!”

One might ask, what does this have to do with anything? Well, it was a fascinating

comparison in showing HOW the Holy Spirit goes to work once we allow it to. IF we do not

allow the Holy Spirit into our body, it won’t work. Every single person must individually

ask the Holy Spirit to go to work inside of them. Should they decide not to, this is a great

example of not using FREE WILL to ones best advantage. Do I want to believe in Jesus

Christ and be a Christian? Do I push him away and say no, remaining an Atheist, an

Agnostic, someone who chooses to turn their back on Jesus Christ and Christianity. This is

a person who does not have faith in God. Each and everyone of us with our trials and

tribulations, will someday leave this earth. Until then, we are tested daily as long as we

live here on earth. IF I insist on doing everything my own way, my mental and physical

health will suffer. I can attest to that.

After years and years of being so angry, I was so tired and spent. I had run out of answers.

I was up against a wall. I desperately needed to be rescued, nothing left…..who will come

to rescue me? I cried out for help. Help came instantly. I felt relief immediately. I felt the

presence of Jesus Christ inside my heart. HIS Holy Spirit at work now and forever. My

troubled trials vanished in an instant. It was as though now I could look at my life through

a television set and I got to turn it off, no longer filled with fear. My faith was what was

missing. I needed rescuing and Jesus rescued me. The sun is out in my life now, my trials

are In HIS hands, HE is completely in control.

Can I invite the Holy Spirit Into my heart right NOW?

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“Crash Course” Blog #120

What kind of a map do I follow in my mind today?

Hundreds of thoughts come to me ~ do any guide me?

Where is the right mental road map to give me direction daily?

The other day I was watching a dog run down the street. He was running as fast as he

could and then his owner caught his attention and he ran the other way. Did he have a

destination in mind? Every single day we wake up, some of us, with very good intentions.

Others of us are caught up in our fears, frustrations and daily drama. I for one, realize life

has more twists and turns then I ever could have prepared for.

Here is a different take on a little anecdote I may have shared with you in an earlier blog. I

remember looking back in my life to a powerful lesson I was given in going the wrong way.

I was out of college and I had gone to a party with my friend. On this particular night I was

introduced to vodka gimlets. For whatever reason, I the drinks went down quickly and the

glow I began to feel was warm and inviting. Did I have one to many? I was beginning to

feel like nothing could bother me, no matter what. This feeling that took over me, took me

away from any and all anxiety I may have been dealing with. I remember getting a phone

call and deciding to leave the party at once. It was snowy and cold. Yet I felt warm,

invigorated and able to take on almost anything. I started driving faster. It was late at

night. The snow was coming down thick as thieves. As I sped up and took a turn around

the bend, the bright lights of a car blinding me, coming right at me caused me to turn

sharply. I swerved and hit two trees head-on.

It’s really bizarre how after all these years, I still remember everything in slow motion about

the accident as though it happened yesterday. I was driving my favorite car. A dark

green, Ford Galaxie convertible. I loved that car. Yet, I remember flying through the air

and in slow motion suddenly aware I had crashed and had no control over my car

anymore.

Then, there I was, lying on the cold, black, snowy cement hearing the ambulance and

listening to a paramedic speak hurriedly to me. “You should be dead right now, young

lady, just lie still, we’ll take it from here. That car of yours is an accordion. How you got out

of that car and landed here, God only knows”. I remember I tried, but couldn’t talk

because I had punctured my lung and that was the least of it. However, as I slowly turned

my head, while laying on that cold ground, I saw my car smashed up against the trees

with only the front and back bumpers showing. I wondered where in the world was the

middle of the car? How did I ever get way over here on the opposite side of the road? It

was nothing short of a miracle.

At the hospital, in the operating room, I remember I could hear everything they were

saying. The doctors were carrying on with each other as though it was just a normal part

of their day. I felt nothing, and now I listened to everything they said. “She really did a

number on herself”, the one doctor was saying. “I give her a fifty, fifty chance she makes it”.

I tried to focus my thoughts on what he had just said. “What did he just say?! I might not

make it? Wait…. I wasn’t even twenty-two yet!” It was then I remember the strangest

emotion coming over me. Determined healthy anger. I was angry the doctor had made

that comment.

I was determined to prove him wrong! There was no way I would die. I was getting out of

there because I had a life to live. No matter what he said, I was going to show all of them.

My determined, healthy anger quickly gave me a crash course in how to mentally survive

when ones’ own life doesn’t look so good. This is where my healthy anger can be directed

at higher self healing. Now amazing miracles can take place. In a breath I am able to

change. In a breath I am able to find my better, higher, stronger self. This is where the

true light of Jesus Christ turns on and lights my way. Every day I am alive now though,

the choices don’t stop. Each and every day I am given this person to listen to or that story

to believe. I am given a chance to see with my own “change of heart” all the good I can

pick from IF I only tap into the Holy Spirit that is alive and well inside of me. Now I do not

speed down the highway of life and crash and burn. I treasure the lessons I have been

given to learn from now. I look at each and every experience I have been given from a

higher self perspective. I know it is not easy, life is hard.

I realize that every part of my waking day can throw me a “curve ball”. There will always

be something, or someone or some situation that I may not be ready for. However, I can

be prepared for the unexpected this way: I start my day like this:

I wake up, I pray saying, “Thank you Jesus for encircling me, head to toe, in the armor of

spiritual, steel protection. Nothing can harm me, If I don’t allow it”.

Every moment of my day gives me more opportunity to choose a course of “higher self

learning”. This keeps me from crashing into walls trying to use my own empty “lower self”

courses. What do I mean by that? Let’s just think school. School of hard knocks. The

school of life and learning. My school must have purpose, perseverance, and

permanence. Three important courses to keep me focused on a crash-proof life. My

purpose is to learn all my lessons each day with Jesus Christ as my teacher. I

persevere each day despite the dark, depressed feelings of difficulty. Permanence? I

am permanently defined and convinced of unchanging as long as I follow my recipe.

And so it is. The simplified, easy to learn, crash course of life. Jesus never said life is easy.

Yet as hard as it can be at times, as sad as I can be, and as much rain that pours down on

me, there is always Jesus and a beautiful rainbow ahead.

Can I take a crash course in learning and do it Jesus way?

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“Clear Choice” Blog #119

Is every minute of my day faced with a choice I must make?

What makes my heart feel settled and content?

How DO I choose carefully, wisely, and right?

Years and years ago, when I was a very little girl, I was visiting my aunt and she was

tucking me into bed one night. I remember vividly my question to her, “How do you know

when you are doing the right thing or the wrong thing? How do you decide which way to

go?” In a very quiet but emphatic voice my aunt answered me,

“When you are struggling in life with a decision you must make, always pray first. Then

be very quiet, wait for your answer. Most often the decision is right if you feel calm,

peaceful and confident with what you decided. If you are anxious, worried or upset -

you might need to go back and start over….”

I don’t even think I was ten years old, yet the words my aunt spoke to me made total

sense. I must say over the years, many times I have forgotten to abide by that critical rule.

Now looking back in hindsight, it would have always proved to be a safe bet. All people,

everyday of the week, are faced with decisions of some sort. So many decisions we make

are life changing. So many words we say to each other have final consequences. So

often decisions we have to make are not necessarily the best ones for us. However, we

always learn some kind of lesson going forward. Sometimes it’s the little things that turn

into big things. The cruel slight we make to someone close to us, the unkind words with

insufferable outcome. Words people refuse to take back. However, it is in the LACK of

confrontation that the most damage occurs. What do I mean by this? So often, we

should, and could and do not have a “face to face” meeting with a person who has hurt

us deeply. Always it is our choice to do whatever. Most people will rationalize and say, “it

won’t do any good to talk to them”, “I don’t want to deal with drama” or “they are just that

way, and I can’t begin to change them”. Yet, there is always the unwritten letter as well.

Continuing to do nothing is stagnant. This is not listening to my higher self. This is not

using prayer first to lead me in the right direction. This is not clear choice. What this is, is

“lower self choice”.

Things in my life will never change - if I don’t decide to change for the better.

Each and every day I have clear choice that come with prayer first. Then I pray for

discipline, detachment and discernment. I pray to see the other person and the entire

situation only thru the eyes of Jesus. This really does move things around. I have to

remember that clear choice will come to me when I am peace-filled. The hardest thing

in life is to face myself head-on. The easiest thing in life is to postpone dealing with a

situation that must be dealt with.

I remember when I was toying with the idea of “should we move to a warmer climate, find

a house that was more cost efficient, scale down”. I had talked to my husband and we

decided to take a summer vacation and look at three different cities in warm, healthy,

safe areas of the country. We wanted to move closer to our son as well. That was over

five years ago. Yet, in looking back, it is nothing short of miraculous how everything came

to be. We visited three cities. The last city was in a valley surrounded by mountains. The

house we looked at was perfect for our family and half the price of our house back home.

We were only there for three days, yet I remember waking up that morning after seeing

the house and knowing it was perfect for us. Yet, we had lived in our present city over fifty

years. How could we put this all in place? I put my hands together and said, “If this is

your will Lord, let it be done. Please give me a sign if we are suppose to move here”.

What happened next was so unbelievable.

We were in the car driving for not even two hours and my cell phone rang. It was a young

realtor who knew us and knew our home was NOT on the market. He shared with us that

his clients loved our area. “Could he show our home, please?” he asked. I half thought this

was a joke, but put the price even a bit higher, just to see what would happen. In less than

a few hours time, he called back with a full price offer. He asked if we could close in the

next thirty days and the buyer would be happy to pay cash for the home”. My husband

was absolutely blown away, as was I. Now, in the back of my mind I remembered my

prayer that morning. I felt peaceful, I felt excillirated, I felt there was only one choice, one

clear choice. Jesus had made it for me and I had followed the rules. Jesus is here.

I prayed first, I asked for help and I waited. That was almost five years ago and I still

feel in awe, how quickly things came together. My college friends had a big sale,

everyone helped around us and we were on the road to our new home within thirty days

time. Had anyone told me at the beginning of that summer I would be completely moved

by summers end, I would have laughed at such a crazy statement! In fact in June we

needed to repair our deck which was very costly, but decided it must be done. After all,

we were having a big baby shower, outdoor party for our son and his wife expecting their

first baby. We also knew it was time for a new pool liner because this one had seen its

day. We were just getting ready to enjoy our home for the summer. We were there,

except for our short trip. Who knew in August we would be completely moved?! Yet, …..

herein lies the rub.

When I used my recipe, asked for Jesus’ help and listened carefully to what I must do,

the pieces of my life all fell into place. I believe clear choice is all around me. It is the

chaotic, constant, craziness of the world I live in that causes so much distraction. This is

why I must always remember to adhere to a most valuable piece of advice:

“I must be in the world but not of the world.”

Today as I am faced with one more beautiful day to live in, I am more thankful for all the

blessings Jesus has bestowed on me. When I pray, I pray in earnest, knowing if my prayer

is for my highest good, it will be answered. Therefore, I am careful, consistent and clear in

my prayers daily. I pray in earnest and mean it. I listen quietly, inwardly, constantly to my

higher self, inner spiritual direction. When I do this, I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I

will find my clear choice.

“I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future”.

Jeremiah 29:11

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”

Proverbs 3:5.

“Be still and know that I am God”.

Psalm 46:10

Can I sit quietly now and pray for direction?

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“My Answers?” Blog #118

What IF what I believe is wrong?

What IF people I am angry with don’t matter?

What IF everything that has happened to ME is to teach ME?

I remember something that happened to me years ago, I had no answer for. I had gotten

a ticket to go see and listen to a very famous man. He was famous for many reasons. He

is a fascinating speaker, an Indian-American author. He was also really big on alternative

medicine. (I did not take drugs and loved the Holistic approach.)

Above all, he is most renowned for his writings. He has written over fifty books and they

are published world-wide in over thirty languages. This night, he was in my city to give a

talk and I wasn’t going to miss it. The problem was, I got there late, it was packed. A few

thousand people were there too. Finally I found one solo seat in the middle of the

auditorium. Once I sat down, I had a mission. Don’t talk to anyone, listen carefully to what

he had to share and leave as soon as it ended.

The man sitting next to me was in his forties, balding with glasses and a slight build. I

could see I had nothing in common with him and nothing to talk to him about. What

caused me to even look over at him was his incessant, happy non-stop chatting to the

person on his other side. I had hopes he would not talk to me. I was focused and fixated

on why I had come here. I was also dealing with my own deep-seeded depression.

As much as my life had been good to me financially and work wise, it was because I had

become a work-a-holic. However, secretly, I knew I was very lost inside of me. All the

trauma way back to my childhood that I had experienced was oddly, constantly catching

up with me at strange moments. Whether it be my childhood, and or the loss of family

members, or my own way of pushing people who had been close to me away, I was

feeling it “big-time”. So here I was, ready for one more speaker to give me all “My answers”

to the darkness that continued to haunt me.

Unfortunately. because of where I was seated and the accoustics in the auditorium, it was

very hard to hear Deepak Chopra share his wisdom with me. I had decided at the

intermission I would leave. Plus I had a thermos of red wine in my car so this would relax

me as I headed home for the night. As I look back on years ago, more than thirty years

ago….. One never knows when Jesus and HIS angels decide to send a miracle into

someones life. I, for one, was not prepared for it. Why, do I feel this? Because I was fine I

rationalized. I had all my answers to my own problems safely figured out, guarded inside

of me. Yet, I had compartmentalized all my issues. Things from the past, too dark and too

scary, think about them another day. People in my family who appeared too distant, just

stay away from. Any and all things in my life that seemed to upset me, I turned away

from, got out my wine at the end of the night and in the morning, dug into my work. So

with that being said - I had My Answers all set. The biggest, saddest, most unfortunate

piece to this:

NO ONE RUNS AWAY FROM THEMSELF. WITHOUT JESUS, LIFE IS AN EMPTY SHELL.

So back to my Deepak Chopra evening. It was now intermission and I decided. I had so

much work to do, I was leaving. However, as I worked my way out of the auditorium into

the main entrance hall for concessions, there were hundreds of people in front of me!

Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and to my amazement, there stood

the balding, slight framed man with glasses I had been sitting next to. “What in the world

did he want,?” I thought to myself, but smiled and looked over. His next words wound up

having such an impact on my life - I never drank again. WHAT IF EVERY SITUATION THAT

HAPPENED TO ME IN MY LIFE IS A LIFE LESSON TO LEARN FROM? I started to look at life in a

different way, glass half full, not half empty. Most of all I became a believer in “Self

Purpose/Self Worth” and “The things that happen to me, are there to make me stronger

belief”. Above this, I threw away MY ANSWERS to life and started digging deeper. Yet, here

is WHY I changed in a breath…. This man who put his hand on my shoulder said:: “I hope

you are enjoying yourself as much as I am. You know, I lost my wife and four daughters

in our house fire. I am so thankful FOR WHAT they have showed me AFTER giving up

their lives, the lessons I needed to learn and how important my life is for me to learn,

forgive and go do good. Now you have a nice day”. With that, the balding kind man

just smiled at me, turned around, and disappeared into the crowd. I never got his

name. I never saw him again. He never knew my story as well. But then again, did he?

Could he actually be an angel/person who just happened to be there at the right moment

and the right time to share the right information with me? One will never know….

Any person can take what I have shared in any way they want. I however, choose to

believe the latter. I Ieft that night empowered. I felt relieved. I felt I had been given a small

glimpse of “spiritual wisdom from Heaven”. I now believe that angels walk among us.

They are here to give us information, in person, when we really need it. I went to my car

that night, and poured out all the wine, never needing that false kind of support again. I

had a totally different outlook on life. I started to read as much as I could about

spirituality. I started with the Bible. The New Testament was easier to digest. The biggest

change inside me was this. From that one encounter, I climbed out of my scared shell. I

believe now, each and everyone of us have lessons to learn each day. The family

members around me can give me my greatest lessons. Am I open to this? There is no

mindless lesson. EVERY person coming into my life is there for a reason for MY growth! I

now search like never before, for all the real reasons why HE is my answer. I either choose

to grow and learn, or stay stuck with the wrong answers and wrong people and die on the

vine. For Jesus IS the vine and we are HIS branches.

“Can I let go of my answers, and invite Jesus to show me truth?”

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“Wet Strength” Blog #117

Today, is my heart colder than yesterday?

Inside me, will I go deeper than I’ve gone before?

Right now, do my tears define weakness, or strength?

The sun can be shining, the weather warm and no real health issues today to deal with.

Yet, is there an emptiness inside me? What is it that keeps on bothering me? I can’t get

away from it no matter what I do; all those thoughts. Thoughts never go away when its

time for relaxing, or resting and of course sleep. No wonder so many people feel that

need to “zone out” and grab sleeping pills. At some point though, the mind DOES come

back to itself and “we must deal with what is upper most on our mind; those worrisome

thoughts. Someone once stated and the Bible confirmed,

“share your troubles with another soul”.

Then, apparently the burden begins to lift. However, when the tears are pouring down,

when the heart feels like breaking and the mind will not rest from worry, what to do? All

alone and not know what to do? Yet, I DO know what I do.

First, I believe my tears are healing. Tears are a way of cleansing the heart. Tears are also

kind to me. In my mind, tears have a way of talking quietly to me,

“Enough now, You have your own attention, tears let you learn that lesson and move

on. You can let that go, or come back later and try to work it out….”

I heard somewhere a while back, an interesting observation about a life, it’s important to

learn about oneself”. This is not a strange statement put forth. However, if I stop to think

about it….I’m always learning about myself if I but just pay attention. I know what I like to

eat and not eat. I know what drinks appeal to me. I also know I cannot any longer “drink

hard liquor” or I will want the bottle. I know foods that appeal to me and foods I wouldn’t

touch. I know people who are kind in nature and not judgmental, I like them. I know what

kind of television shows I like to watch and not watch. I know what people in my life am

drawn to and those who frustrate me beyond belief. I know things about myself no other

person on the face of this earth knows. I also know who has hurt me, who has let me

down and when was the last time I cried. Am I ready?

Tears so often come to bring strength. When our emotions are overwhelmed and our

bodies are numb with sadness, fear and pain. Tears come and come. When someone

has hurt me in ways I cannot deem possible, tears can come. When I have tried with all

my strength and all my might and all my will and still someone continues to let me down

and hurt me more each day, tears come. Yet, in all those sad tears, inner and outer wet

strength develops. In all those tears I can find a new spiritual path, a stronger will and

a mightier inner faith because I agree now, I CAN LET GO. I can turn things over to HIM.

HE takes control. HE’s got my life now and I no longer feel all alone, I have HIM with me. So,

I will not walk alone. I hold tightly to HIS hand and HE keeps me standing tall!

I remember awhile back when a friend of mine told me she had an unbelievable scare

because her nephew had asked to meet her and share a statement that caught her off

guard. Her nephew was a kind, good hearted young man with grades that got him

through college. He and his sister had been brought up in Calf. in a very secular, non-faith

family. Now her nephew was about to take a job in another city after graduating from

college. My friend eagerly met him for a good-bye lunch. After lunch they took a walk in a

park. It was here she heard him say, “When I leave you today, I have decided to end my

life unless you can give me a reason for living”. My friend was speechless! She asked her

nephew to sit down on a bench beside her. Quietly she told him in a few words, her own

reasons for wanting to live! Yet, first, she asked him a question, “You don’t know right now,

any more than I do,what exactly happens to yourself when you die, do you? So that puts

us at 50/50 odds. Her nephew sat there, sad tears pouring down his face as he nodded

his head. She put her arm tightly around her nephews shoulders. “However, she went on,

in my Christian faith, it’s a sin to take your life. IF you knew right now you would suffer

gravely for that one act alone, you just might think again.” Then she told her nephew,

“more people than you could ever believe, have had that thought. If you can find it inside

of you to just hold on and ask for help, Internal, invisible, infallible help -

A HOST OF ANGELS WILL COME WITH HELP RIGHT NOW.”

HE IS HERE FOR YOU. HE WILL ALWAYS HEAR YOU. JESUS WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU.

My friend said they both were crying. She watched her nephew, as his tears became so

hearwretching. She sat closer, held him tighter as he spoke to her, “No ONE has ever talked

to me like this before!”

I thought about all the things my friend told me that day. It is now years later and her

nephew DID go on to take that great job in another state, for which he is very successful.

He also become a Christian and attends a Presybtarian church. A couple years later, he

married and now has twin girls! Look at the lives my friend help save all because she

believes. I believe too. I believe if you feel sad, or lost or alone in any way today, if those

tears swell up inside you, if sadness has become too much, it’s okay. It’s all okay. I

continue to believe my tears are a washing away of the old, weak, limited me.

I now firmly say, “These tears have become wet strength, all because of HIM inside of

me”.

Can I feel strong now, with HIS help coming into me today?

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“No Empty Life” Blog #116

Deep inside, do I still fight with myself today?

How do I handle problems that seem overwhelming?

Why am I constantly pushing away internal help, already there!?

Yesterday morning another rush, so many things to do. Yet, when I woke up, I

remembered to say my prayers. I asked for help. I surrounded myself in Devine

Protection. I end my prayer saying “Not my will, but THY will be done”. Getting into my

car was still hectic, however I had a banana, a protein bar and a water, always with me.

This was my fuel for awhile. Then finding a good radio station, I decided to “see what else

was out there as well”. Sadly, lots of dark, depressing, angry music. Who listens to this? I

found a good talk station and went back and forth with uplifting music as well. Important:

listen quickly to current daily World Affairs.

Why? Because I am in the world. My job is to teach myself daily. HOW? By learning my

own lessons, HELP OTHERS, and watch current events around me. Do I feel important to

those around me? Am I giving back? In every way I can, I reach out to those around me

who ask me and are in need.

My life is important to me and to my Lord who guides me and those around me. This is

the first “mindset” to getting rid of an EMPTY life thought.

The person or people who I choose to connect with must be Christ-centered, Heart

healthy, and Honest. If I have relationships with others who are needy, dark, dysfunctional,

my own life will suffer. I will slide down the wrong path and find myself confused, angry

and frustrated! One of the biggest contributors to sadness is loneliness! One of the

biggest contributors to loneliness is Social Media! Social Media intrinsically promotes “the

wrong messages” especially to teenagers today. Tik Tok, SnapChat and Instagram. “MY

empty Life has no Value” screams over on Facebook and all over the internet. And we

wonder why teenage suicide has gone up 130+% in one year!

The second mindset is this, “no matter where I am, who I am with, or what happens to

me, I have value. My life is NOT empty internally to my Lord Jesus.”

Unfortunately in life there is a daily pull, a constant pull toward the secular lifestyle. People

want possessions. People want material things. People live on their phones, morning,

noon and night! We have never in our life had such an opportunity to “feel so important”.

Picking up our phones. we see hundred of emails and messages; Tok Tok, Facebook and

Snap messages wait for us! Yet, I have to stop myself and say: “Seriously”? What IS

important in this stuff?

First things first, there are good people out there. There are bad people out there. There

are kind and fair and honest people on the Internet. There are also dark, deranged and

delusional people on the internet. Most of the time it is obvious what we are suppose to

do and not do. Yet, any one of us can get caught up in the “wrong mindset” with the

wrong people and then scary stuff can happen. NOT TO MENTION WASTING OUR TIME ON

THE PHONE.

Now I come to Mindset Number Three. I create a small plan for TODAY. I write down

something constructive I will do (maybe a letter or email or text to someone that needs

uplifting words from me), something I will learn - I can find a Pod cast among hundreds -

just by going to “Ted Talks” I listen in my car. Then I write down, under notes in my phone,

who I want to “let go of”, Jesus takes over there. With each new thing I do, I feel more and

more important, loved and valued. My life IS important to God and to me and I now utilize

my “higher self” energy; there is no room for an “Empty life mindset” COMPLETELY GONE.

With these concepts in mind, I move on to the next portion of my day. Taking care of my

self and my Internal life filled with Jesus Christ energy. I start slow, deep breathing. I find

time to relax, unwind and rest. All the while remembering how important my mental

health is to me. I can sit in my car and do ALL of this. There is no more chance for an

empty life because just like a car needs refueling, SO DO I. When I start to feel anxious,

rushed or harried I say,

“Thank you Lord for insulating me in your spiritual steel armor of protection. Keep me

safe from all darkness, all worry and all anxiety. In your name I pray, Amen”. I can

smile now and say without judgement of others, “There but for the grace of God…..go I”.

Can I look in the mirror, see myself INTERNALLY, with a full, healthy life?

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“Closed Heart?” Blog #115

Why have I set my mind against my “Higher Self”?

Does living today make me feel good about “ME”?

What is at the “heart” of everything I do?

Is my heart Closed today? If so, I need a “change of Heart”.

It’s amazing how time slips away even when I have nothing planned. For whatever reason,

I still justify, rationalize, negotiate with myself, and don’t like to admit it, but I have judged

people all my life. I look at them under a microscope of anger, confusion and a closed

heart. At the end of the day I say to myself, “I don’t see those people because they did this

and they did that but THEY hurt me!” Why then, should I change my mind?

Lately, I have decided to play it all through. I take one person whom I have judged

constantly and imagine they are no longer here. Now I go on and do this with ALL the

people that have brought me the most pain. There is one part of this that is hard to

digest. It is the part where I must admit at the end of the day, I feel this description about

these people “applies only to me”.

Every one else has a different description of the people I have problems with. WHY IS

THAT? WHERE IS TRUTH IN ALL THIS? ALAS, it is relative and I have to admit, I am stuck with

the old, confused, judgmental ME. I have put into place my own feeling for people that is

not necessarily truth, but “my truth in how I see them”. Someone else will see them

differently and on and on. Do I feel let down? Of course I do! When I judge another, it

keeps my heart closed. It defeats the purpose of people coming into my life who I need to

be learning my lessons from. For we are ALL teachers of each other in some form. It is

hard to understand this TRUTH and learn from it. Remember Jesus said, “Father forgive

them, for they know not what they do”.

Now, I will caveat this by saying IF there are people in my life who are alcoholic abusers,

drug addicts and doom sayers, I must give myself permission to leave that relationship for

the “better and higher good of all concerned”. Then I say to myself, can I now start over? I

can open my life to healthy people around me. I have a NEW PLAN IN PLACE.

Yet, no one can achieve a healthy new plan without a “CHANGE OF HEART”.

Some people look at life like this, “I DON’T NEED ANY PLAN. I am older now and all alone. I

have very little left in life. I don't see family members, my relationships are all strained and

It’s best I leave well enough alone”.

Wow, most people would say, this is a fairly dark assessment of anybody’s life. Yet, maybe

it’s their truth? NO one knows HOW LONG we will live. So why settle on such darkness?

And, there is darkness out there! Not just in older people but the young as well. This is so

sad. One statistic caught my eye the other day reading People Magazine. An article on

social media jumped out at me. It stated how damaging Social Media is. I would say

whether we are young or old, the addiction to social MEDIA IS dreadful. SIT ON OUR PHONES

OFF AND ON, MORNING TIL NIGHT AND ACCOMPLISH WHAT?

Teenage suicide has gone up over the past year 138%. I was wondering what kind of

plan did those teenagers have in place ON THE DAY THEY DIED?

Whether young, middle age or elderly, HOW WE THINK ABOUT OURSELF MATTERS.

EVERY SINGLE DAY WE HAVE TO SAY YES OR NO TO LIVING LIFE. YES, I AM GOING TO PRAY WHEN

I AWAKE, AND “NO” THERE IS NOTHING ELSE THAT COMES FIRST.

YES, I AM GOING TO START MY DAY WITH LOTS OF WATER, GOOD FOOD AND SOME FRESH AIR

AND WALKING. There is no room for “NO”. I will say affirmations to myself no matter how

depressed I feel I am. I can do this. The main reason for a “CLOSED HEART“ IS IN MY

ATTITUDE TOWARD THE PEOPLE AROUND ME.

Do I have a person who I am at odds with? IF so, I WRITE THEM A TEXT, EMAIL OR LETTER.

How much of how they feel about me and our relationship do I take responsibility for?

I do not say no to this or put it off ONE MORE day. IF I am, thinking about this person, IF they

are on my mind, IF I am upset or disappointed in any way, this will not go away. THIS IS

MY LESSON THAT I MUST DEAL WITH. What for? BECAUSE this is causing me to harden my

heart, and refuse to see things any other way, stay stuck! DO I UNDERSTAND NOTHING WILL

CHANGE. MY COLD, JUDGMENTAL, CLOSED HEART STAYS CLOSED. What does that show me

in how I am growing in life internally and helping someone else? I AM NOT. IF I AM a

CHRISTIAN, I must look at what I am to compare myself too, Jesus Christ. Well, here is a

quick comparison of a forgiving nature vs “closed heart”. Jesus did all he could, he gave

and gave, and his disciples turned against Him. Peter asked him, “Lord if my brother sins

against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Then Jesus blew

them all away in his answer:

“I say to you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times”.

I CAN find a new way today to OPEN my CLOSED HEART. I can sit still and breathe in deep

breaths to the count of ten. “Thank you Jesus for opening my heart to only your will

today”. I say yes to a healthy, light-filled life. This gets rid of my nasty habit of excuses.

I think about a person who became stuck in life, someone who kept saying NO to living life

at it fullest, someone whose life quickly went from youth to elderly. He had a “closed

heart”. The movie has been playing over and over called, “A Christmas Carol”, starring

Mr. Scrooge. He said “NO” to a healthy life. The beginning of the movie shows all kinds of

town people trying to get Scrooge involved in different holiday traditions. His anger

controls him. His misery keeps him down and his misplaced judgmental criticisms have

crushed his entire spirit. He’s figured people out alright, he “thinks”, and he judges them

too. That is until he starts getting visitors from Christmas past, Christmas present and

Christmas future. He is given a gift most of us unfortunately are never given, until it’s too

late, the chance to have a “Change of Heart”.

Scrooge is able to “see himself in the past, present and future”. He is able to SEE all the

dark, sad choices he has made and IS MAKING and where he is SAYING NO. Ebenezer

Scrooge suddenly has been given a rare opportunity to change the word NO to YES. I sit

here and imagine IF I could suddenly take the clamps off of all my judgment calls, all the

times I am saying NO and change it to “YES”. How would my life be? Deciding on

forgiveness is not useless if it opens my closed heart.

Can I have a “change of heart” with everyone I look at?

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“A Rough Day?” Blog #114

Do I understand I have no control over yesterday?

Can I start out this morning and implement a new routine?

What is my “Mindset” to find a way out of despair?

I know that in a second, I can change my mind, change my thinking and redirect my focus

on this day. How often do I do just that? A big part of my “Higher Self” awareness for me

now, is this, “DO I CHOOSE TO STAY STUCK?” As long as I have a breath left in side of me, I

can learn to let go of what is plaguing me, depressing me and keeping me down. Just

last week I was so proud of myself for being organized and keeping a list of what I needed

to do for that day. The day would not turn out to have any of the items on my list

completed! I started out just fine, however the traffic was bad, I had gotten a late start

and I was aware that I was anxious driving in my car. My mind was shifting as it often

does, and suddenly out of nowhere I felt a loud bang! A car had come barreling into my

lane and as I drove forward, he plowed into my left side. As loud as it was, I thought I had

serious damage. The blaring noise was my tire exploding! Immediately I got SO

FRUSTRATED AND FROZEN. Here I was in a completely “unexpected moment”. I was angry.

I was put out. More than anything, I was going over and over in my mind.

Why did this have to happen NOW? (maybe I needed to slow down?)

When I finally got home that day, I turned on the TV to relax. Ironically, there was a special

on about a woman who had tragically lost her husband and was left with illness, children

and no way to pay her bills. I was humbled immediately. Of course when it comes to

“that other person, worse off than me” one of us need reminding, yet we all need to find a

way to come back to healthy coping tools quickly!

WHAT KEEPS ME GOING EACH DAY?

A therapist I once saw, made a remarkable comment to me, “What brought you to the

point of coming to see me today?” In other words, what was the straw that broke the

camels back?” WHEN DOES TOO MUCH BECOME TOO MUCH? MY DECISION FOR THE WAY I

HANDLE MY LIFE HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS STATEMENT. How DO I CARE for ME today?

How many people say to themself: “If it can just get to be five o clock, I can have that drink

and finally relax!” Or better still, I just need some weed, or that pill and I can handle

everything going on around me.”

Anyone ever think, “The body IS the Temple of God”. Whatever does that mean?

IT means exactly what it says. How am I taking care of my own body?

I believe that whatever I am given to deal with, God will never give me MORE than I can

handle. Therefore, I BEST have healthy, coping skills in place quick, because I believe for

myself…..ONE DRINK WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH. One thing leads to another and the artificial

stimulus goes on and on and on…….

I am here to learn my lessons. I must accept they are all around me. How do I know this?

I just look at the things that bother me the most! Is it a family member? Have a

managed to find forgiveness. Is it something I am afraid of? Then I can sit down, write it

out and find a healthy person to confide in. Is it serious money problems? This is where

my own BUDGETING is critical! I am the only one that knows how much I need to make

and spend and save. Again, I can sit down and write it all out. Share this with a

confidential, healthy person.

My rough day can change in a breath - being emotional, unrealistic, untruthful, only

keeps the rough days coming. I understand internally the importance of TRUTH. IF I am

open to prayer, talking to Jesus Christ, I see than TRUTH comes, comes straight to me. IF

I am overwhelmed, overworked, overtired, have I taken on the wrong responsibilities? No

one can tell me truth better than HE. Then I AM in balance with my day and realize there is

time for everything I must do. Here is a perfect TRUTH that fits perfectly right now.

TIME FOR EVERYTHING. Ecclesiastes 3

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

A time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plan and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them together,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace….”

How did I spend my time, IF I had a rough day today?

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“Help Me Now” Blog #113

Do I focus on other people issues, knowing I can’t fix them?

Am I overwhelmed with where I’m at, right this minute?

What can come into my life to help ME all day today?

The other day I was perusing thru my phone and saw an amazing “healing moment”. I

watched a video of a young man attempting to steal a purse from a pretty younger

woman, sitting at the bus stop. He was successful in grabbing her purse. Then for

whatever reason, he turned around halfway down the block and saw now she was looking

for her purse with a “stick in front of her”. .He instantly realized he had stolen a purse

from a blind person. He could have just kept on running away with his instant prize. Yet,

he did not. He turned around and saw she was now using her stick In an anxious wide

circle, trying in vain to find her purse! The young man quickly put her purse in front of the

stick and she picked it up. Clutching her purse to her chest, she started off walking. The

young man now followed the blind girl. As she walked carefully, he saw there was a large

garbage can directly in her path; he moved it. Then the girl came to a busy cross street.

He went ahead of her and stopped all the traffic as she navigated her way across the

street. The young man followed her all the way to where she lived to make sure she was

safe. Then he turned around and disappeared from the area. This little vignette could

have been so different.

Every single thing that happens in our life today is a Life LESSON IN SOME WAY.

When our phone rings today, do I build someone up who is calling me? Or do I start to

gossip about another person who we both know? Do I start my day with a prayer of

“Protection”, surrounding myself in the light of God, and asking to have “HIS will direct my

day, instead of “my will”?

My thoughts are everywhere if I but allow them to be. There is so much noise around me.

I can only gleam “higher self information” if I center myself now! The young man who

was willing and ready and DID steal the young blind girls purse, was given an “angelic

example” of TRUTH. He immediately saw a dark deed he had done and he turned it

around instantly!

I know each one of us is saddled with so many painful difficult, sad situations, oftentimes

we cannot find an answer to. This is why I focus on today! I learn something new. I can

be forgiving of myself for past wrong doings. There is a teacher waiting inside of me. ALL I

need to know is deeply buried inside my heart. No reason to be afraid. I smile now and it

feels good. Even though I have family members who I cannot fix, I may have health issues

that concern me, I have people around me who appear not to care. All ls as it should be.

I am given all situations to learn from I STAY STRONG.

I remember going to the club to work out and swim and there was a very large woman in

the pool near me. We swam to the end of the pool at the same time and she just wanted

to talk. She told me all the diets she had tried never did work and she also was starting to

be so forgetful. Yet, she said the only thing that tasted good each day was her “diet soda”

she drank over eight to ten cans a day! I told her all she needed to do was look up on the

internet the dangers soda contained contributing to loss of memory, poor health and

weight gain! She ironically told me, in all the visits to her doctors, no one had ever

mentioned this to her!

We live in a society overrun with people telling us what to take. Every single ad on our

phone or TV. tells us “Not always truthful statements”. I believe I must discern for myself.

Every day I am flooded with commentaries and promotions ads, commercials are

everywhere! I must ask myself:

What are MY own boundaries? What do I stand for? What must I let go of? I cannot ask

for help for things in my life until I learn Who I am and what I want. It’s easy to fall back

on “artificial help”. Alcohol, drugs, darkness IS around us. The only way to access the

light of Jesus Christ is to invite him into my heart.

Many of us have children either still at home or out in the world with children of their own.

They will always have a “heart attachment to us”. They will in their own way, reach out to

us for advice, help and assurance. It is my obligation to share Gods Truth with my family

as long as long as I am alive. That is my responsibility as a healthy parent. Sometimes in

fear, we fail to speak truth.

This is where discipline, detachment and discernment come into place. In my world I

understand the order of obligation to those around me; Jesus Christ comes first and

foremost in every thing I do. Then my family comes next. When I am aware of who my life

shows obligation to, It is not a hard decision when I become challenged.

My entire life is not as I had hoped it would turn out to be. I wanted fun and laughter and

security when I was a child. I grew up in fear, hostility and dysfunction. I wanted to

someday get married and have a loving family to raise and care for. I made terrible

decisions when I was given tragedy and for many years chose to hide behind my drinking,

problematic people and chaotic choices. As I look back, I only regret not having courage

to choose wisely.

IF I WOULD HAVE ASKED INTERNALLY, HIS HELP WOULD HAVE COME!

ITS NOT ENOUGHT TO USE FAITH AS A 911 OR FAITH TODAY AND GONE TOMORROW. TIME

MATTERS…..EVEN JESUS WENT INTO THE DESERT FOR FORTY DAYS, WITH NO FOOD. JUST

PRAYER. EVEN JESUS HAD DOUBTS ON THE CROSS.

“MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?” HE CRIED OUT, ALSO SAYING; “FATHER

FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO” AND LASTLY SAYING “FATHER INTO

YOUR HANDS I COMMIT MY SPIRIT”.

ALL THESE WORDS SHOW JESUS HUMAN SIDE - HE REFUSED TO CALL ON HIS DIVINITY TO SAVE

HIM! TAKE HIM OFF OF THE CROSS. HE WANTED TO SHOW HE KNEW AND KNOWS WHAT WE FEEL

LIKE… WHAT WE GO THROUGH EACH DAY! SO I SAY TO MYSELF. I CAN DEAL WITH TODAY

WHATEVER IT IS. I HAVE MY FAITH TO HELP ME NOW. I HAVE A RECIPE FOR MY LIFE, I START WITH

BABY STEPS, I CAN DO THIS! WHEN I WORRY ABOUT MYSELF AND MY FAMILY, I NOW REPLACE

WORRY WITH PRAYER. I AM COURAGEOUS IN MY BELIEF FOR HELP IS HERE FOR ME NOW.

CAN I LET GO OF MY MOST FEARFUL THOUGHTS AND GIVE IT TO HIM?

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“Why live today?Blog #112

How can I care for others if I don’t care for myself?

Where AM I getting my courage to start my new day?

Why do I feel so hopeless at this point in my life?

It is not up to another person to make ME happy. I wake up each morning and say to

myself, “this is going to be my best day possible”. I look back on my life and I now CLOSE

THE DOOR. It’s time for focusing on the NOW. Do you know how I keep my dignity? I DON’T

LOOK BACK.

I try my very best not to complain today about anything! All I have to do is look around

me and I see that I am blessed in so many ways. My father used to tell me, “Never let a

day go by, BUT learn something new”. I feel good when I speak to someone who is

calling me and “I am not complaining about anything”. I look at it like this, “IF someone is

calling me on the phone, who knows what their problems may be”? It’s important to have

endless kindness and NOT COMPLAIN. I am trying very hard over the next few weeks until

Easter, not to judge anyone. I want to SEE anyone and everyone I know for just who they

are! Leave it at that.

Here is amazing quote that I keep with me all the time. I read and re-read it.

“I declare before God and my family, that my whole life, whether it be long or short, will

be devoted to doing good, learning lessons and helping others…”

Now, who do you think wrote that? The Queen of England wrote that and she lived to be

ninety six years old! Someone may say, yes, but look at the life she got to live treated like a

Queen! Maybe, but life is never like we imagine it and especially when we try to judge how

someone else’s life is or was.

Here is one tiny example of something that happened to the Queen of England, that few

people know about. She was sound asleep in her bed and a deranged man broke into

the castle, climbed up, through her window and sat by her bed and woke her up! He

could have killed her on the spot, yet she kept her inner spiritual courage and talked to

him about his needs for over twenty minutes! Wow. Not many of us realize what inner

strength we have until we really need it!

After all my trials and pain and sorrow, one time I was speaking to a very wise therapist

who shared amazing pearls of wisdom with me. “Take your mind off of your own

problems and be determined to make a positive difference in someone else’s life”. That

rang a big bell and made so much sense. I can’t really worry and fret and complain

about myself, if I am truly helping another human being, can I?

He ended by saying to me; “I believe the point of living is to create goodness all the

time. People need to see in you, the things they WANT to believe in”. The suffering and

pain we go through, just gives us stability, serenity and strength to go through a new day.

“Grief is the price we all pay for Love”. The Queen of England spoke and believed this. So

my counselor shared this and when I look in “Light places” I see it, it’s everywhere. So I

want to create change in a positive way, all through my day.

Today, what are my choices? I can sit in a room, stare out the window and think about

my past, over and over and over again. OR I can find courage to change. DO something

positive for myself right this minute.

It’s time I accept the fact, IF I am reading this, the teacher is here now. Truth has a face

and name = Jesus Christ, is the only way I find courageous change. We get closer to

Jesus by the way we live in truth, humility and forgiveness. The decision to heal myself

is the first step, every angry moment is a step away. Healing for myself releases me

from fear, my mind focuses on Jesus Christ now.

Can I stop being angry just for today?

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Believe or Broken? Blog #111

The one person I dwell on today with anger, can I let them go?

Can I stop trying to blame someone else for my distress?

Where are my negative thoughts taking me?

I know the bad stuff that happens around me is there, but I don’t have to think about it. I

don’t have to watch the television or listen to the news or watch anything that depresses

me. I can handle my own life and just stay away from all the bad, right? Not really, if only

it were as simple as that! Although my life is NOT about other peoples lives, MY LIFE IS NOT

ABOUT FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF EITHER. My life is not about remembering all the bad

things I FEEL someone else did to me in my past. My life is not about figuring out “why

people act the way they do toward me”. THIS is a waste of time. IF ANY PART OF MY DAY IS

FOCUSED ON FIGURING OUT “THE WHAT, HOW AND WHY”, SOMEONE HAS DONE SOMETHING TO

ME, I AM FOCUSED ON NEGATIVITY. HOW MUCH OF MY DAY DWELLS ON THOSE THOUGHTS?

Positivity comes from this, life is all about finding MY truth, my forgiveness for

myself and Letting it all go. I cannot bring the past back. Yesterday is GONE.

Truth is all about me finding my forgiveness. I will have an understanding heart when I

accept my role in life and all the things that go on around me. How do I build someone up

today? Many of us have unfinished business within our family. We have relationships that

have gone bad and different things we have said or done, have often caused a

cataclysmic failure. or complete breakdown. Perhaps one family member wants a

reconciliation based on certain conditions and the other family member only wants to

remember “past problems and events”. Therefore, no peace can be attained because

everyone is in a different space. This is occurring everywhere. Sometimes it is enough just

to pray for them and say “I forgive them for any past hurts, I know we cannot be in each

others lives, so I am moving on”. IF I CANNOT DO THIS, I REMAIN BROKEN. IF I BELIEVE HE IS

HERE FOR ME, I START TO HEAL.

Remembering, “I am more broken then I could ever imagine, yet I am more loved than I

could ever believe possible. The truth is I am not owned by my brokenness My

brokenness is not permanent. I have been transformed into something brand new!”

These words were recently shared with me on Halo. It was comforting to hear this,

realizing, I am not an island who is alone in my grief. There are so many people exactly in

this same situation as I am. I continue to work on me. Now I see every time I am upset by

another persons actions, I give away my own power! Sometimes it’s not possible to stop

someone from “dumping darkness” on to me by the words they say. However, with my

Prayer of Protection in place, I keep a lid of protection over me and DO NOT take the bait.

Protected in HIS light! People who are NOT living in the light love to wallow in darkness with

gossip, and criticizism and judgement. This is easy to recognize, trust me. So I say to self,

“I AM NOT BROKEN, FOR I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF Jesus Christ AROUND ME.

Every day it is imperative I PUSH away hopelessness and uncontrolled anger. For we live in

a “culture of rage” that is sweeping the country. People are out and about with little or no

religion in their hearts. They justify no need for religion. Again as I have said before, I

cannot fix another human being, yet I can work on me.

How do I find my own courage? I must go deeper, I have to try harder, I pray more. “HE

listens when I pray. HE hears me when I ask for help. HE is here now. This is the simple

fact of HIS truth. JESUS is fundamental TRUTH. ONLY TRUTH.

Daily prayer brings balance into my life and I realize little by little that I am NOT owned by

my past. Nothing in my past is part of my present life. No person, no event, no situation.

Each day I am more balanced and I understand God has not forgotten me. Just because

I can’t hear his voice right now or feel he hasn’t answered my prayer according to MY

expectation, or MY needs. Everything in life is according to HIS time-table. Did I ever think

maybe I decided NOT to want to learn my lesson? Maybe I‘m just stuck in my own head……

Am I really THAT wise? Then and only then do my lessons get repeated in different ways

until the Universe gets my attention. Real Faith is Believing what we cannot see, belief in

HIM.

So demanding “proof” Jesus Christ really DOES exist? Then look around, it is all around!

There are miracles today everywhere, just look on line! You can find hundreds of

testimonials from different people ALL over the world.

Remembering my first visit to Santa Fe, New Mexico, I witnessed an amazing real-life

picture in the heart of town. We had only just arrived and were staying in an old authentic

Spanish hotel. The Concierge was sharing with us some of the “famous tourist

attractions”, one of which was an infamous old chapel. Becoming famous because

people have continued coming for years from all over the world for healings and any kind

of problem. The Concierge said there were dozens of crutches and physical therapy

devices left at the spot giving testimony to their instant cures!

The story is around an illuminated “golden cross” found in the desert. This is where the

church was built years ago and the the holy dirt around this cross inside this chapel has

remained. Even more miraculous and amazing is “how the staircase to the choir loft” was

built! No man was ever found afterward. This golden staircase now exists in the middle of

the chapel, visible for all to see. One of the most amazing features is the circular staircase

that goes up to the choir loft, has not one single nail! Even more miraculous is the wood

that has been used in the staircase. It’s not wood from any where in this world! How do

we explain this kind of phenomena? IF we but look, miracles, and more miracles are ALL

around us and yet it is in the unseen power of HIS energy that sustains us immediately. I

AM not broken, if I only believe. So, I ask this question,

“Is there a way today to go deeper, believe in HIS miracles?”

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“Angels Answer” Blog #110

Do I feel alone right now, is nothing out there?

Do I wrack my brain for answers that never come?

Does the idea of a Guardian Angel seem just absurd?

I believe Angels come, and God answers calls according to HIS “time table”, NOT OURS.

The angelic time table is euphoric. TIMING, in the sense that we can assume everything

takes place as we want it, DOESN’T ALWAYS HAPPEN. The one part of life we have no

control over is the “unexpected”.

I have done a blog about my past before, but not from this perspective.

Real estate was absolutely crazy that hot summer day and I was, as usual, always in a big

hurry. Young and filled with my own ideas of how to make lots of money in real estate, I

had become extremely successful. I always thought I knew it all. My husband and I loved

selling houses and our life was filled with a young toddler, a beautiful newer home in the

suburbs, and our golden lab named Sunny. We had everything we thought we wanted,

but we weren’t close to God. Things were about to change drastically, in fact the next day,

my life would never, ever be the same. Tragically for a long time, it remained that way.

It’s important to add here, “thank God and thank my guardian angel, I listened to my inner

guidance”. For in spite of “destiny”, I was saved in so many important ways. However, this

morning, I was furious!

Dressed all in white and suddenly, our little eighteen month old boy spilled his grape juice

everywhere. I was going to be late, I was so upset and of course, only focused on the

immediate minute. I went to go outside to shake off some of the spilled food with grape

juice all over and swearing under my breath, yet, the gorgeous hot summer morning

caught me by surprise. Instantly, it was so calming. The brilliant blue sky and the sun on

my face, caused me to stop and listen. Internally, I could very clearly hear a small voice

speaking to me, “why are you going to work on this perfect summer day? You could call

your mother and take her grandson to the beach, like you have never done”.

Yes, It was true. I had become a workaholic. Summer, fall, winter, spring…the seasons

didn’t matter. I had waited for five years since our marriage for this beautiful little boy.

Now eighteen months old and he was here and I was right back at it, working day and

night. But this moment, the voice would not stop. I felt so guilty and I kept hearing those

words, ”call your mother, call your mother”. Louder, and stronger. At first, it seemed crazy!

I had a morning filled with appointments. Now, it did not matter. How strange this was?

But as I look back now, this was an “ANGEL MOMENT’.

I found myself almost in a daze. Walking back into the kitchen, my husband now

appeared. I shared with him my thoughts and to my amazement he said, “No problem

honey, I’ll cover for you, call your mom and take a break”.

I still remember running upstairs to change my clothes. It was exhilarating. I felt so

strangely sure this was the only right thing to do at this moment. My mother appeared at

my house within the hour. She had brought three things that I will remember forever. A

thermos of lemonade, an old soft quilt and a big black umbrella. How perfect for this day.

All the way over to the beach, which was not even three miles, my son sat on her lap. Over

forty years ago, no worry about seatbelts! We spent the early part of the day talking and

laughing and watching her grandson bring joy to each new moment. As the sun grew

hotter on that perfect summer day, she walked him down to the concession stand for ice

cream. The picture still vibrant in my mind as I watched the chocolate ice cream run

down his chunky little cheeks. She laughed as they walked slowly on the sandy beach,

both carefree and barefoot. The big old umbrella brought shade to his small body as he

lay down on the soft quilt. Now dried and changed, he quickly fell sound asleep. The

afternoon slipped sadly away faster than I will ever remember. Now as we came close to

the end of our day, the very next ANGEL MOMENT arrived. For across the grassy knoll of

the lake park grounds, came walking my husband with a big picnic basket surprise dinner!

Smiling away he said; “I knew I would find you girls here, so I brought us some treats”.

How in the world could he know to do this? We had not spoken since morning. How could

our timetables be so in sync? We could have long been gone. Especially him, he had so

much to do! What came over him to do this now?

I do know as surely as the day I was born, Angels exist and they are definitely present

when needed. What an amazing array of food. A picnic dinner of chicken and French

bread, cheese and red grapes and last but not least, my husband said, “I hope you don’t

mind honey, but I brought our last bottle of white wine in the fridge, I knew it would go so

well with the picnic dinner”. As he poured my mother a glass of cold white wine, I watched

as she bit into a grape, giving half to her cherished grandson. Smiling she said, “I have

never had a better day in my life as I had today with you kids, I won’t forget it……..”

The following morning it was to be “back to normal” as scheduled. We were again, very

busy and my mother had offered to baby sit our son as we both had appointments and

crammed schedules. Yet, now is where the third ANGEL MOMENT came into full view. I

went to start my car, and it was dead. My car would not turn over, although much later in

that day, it started right up. WHY?? Therefore, my husband decided to keep our son with

him and not drop him off at my mothers house while we worked. Instead, he drove me to

our real estate office for my 8:30 “floor duty” and we arrived right on time. I would check in

with my mother later to tell her this……

However, things got very dark in my life quickly.

For on this day at 9:20 a.m. on a beautiful summer day, my wonderful mother was brutally

murdered by a drug addict. Although this was over forty years ago, I still see it all crystal

clear. My life forever changed. I went full circle into denial, drinking and darkness. Nothing

was ever to be the same for me, again.

Yet, eventually as I tried to sort through all my perilous pain, all my horrifying darkness and

all the mounting misery, I somehow began to see because of the “ANGEL MOMENTS” my

life was spared so much more pain! For our son was not harmed, we never brought him

to my mothers house! I had no regrets about spending time with her because I listened to

Angel voices, I spent my mothers last day with her in such a beautiful peaceful, private

way. My husband listened to angels too, and thereby brought us a beautiful “last summer

supper” we all shared together. None of this could ever have happened without Angels,

our Guardian Angels. They are all around us and God hears us now.

“Can I listen today, when my Guardian Angel speaks softly to me?”

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“Flying Blind” Blog #109

How many “Red Flags” are in my life right now?

Where do I get courage to face all my darkness?

Why is it urgent to find my “higher self” above all?

The other day I was driving in my car, coming back from a fairly long journey.

I decided to turn on a talk show to keep my mind occupied. A lady had called in to ask Dr.

Laura what to do about a family relationship. She stated her mother was no longer talking

to her because she was a Christian and the callers’ mother was an atheist. Dr. Laura

listened, then asked some questions. She wanted to know how the caller was raising her

children? The children had been baptized and were attending Sunday school. They were

in a Christian elementary school and the caller told her mother she was not to tell her

children “God did not exist”. IF her mother came to visit, she was not to have any

discussion on the spiritual side of life. Therefore the Mother had decided she wanted

nothing more to do with her daughter, son-in-law or her three small grandchildren. The

mother felt her daughter was filling the minds of their little children “with lies, deceit and

fabricated fantasy about angels” and she wanted no part of it. The daughter was crying

on the air and felt sad over what had transpired. This young mother went on to state how

she had been raised with no religion and had always felt afraid. She did not know why she

felt this way. The caller went on to state there was a time in her life when she had been

very depressed over her mother and fathers divorce and no friends at school. Because

she was raised with “no faith”, she had come close to ending her life. Somehow she

muddled through this sad time. It was only after meeting her husband in college, who was

a good Christian Methodist, that she suddenly began to find more purpose to life. She

began to explore Christianity on her own. This is when she started to feel a sense of

wholeness. The caller went on to say she and her family were blessed with good health.

She had been an only child, and it was always lonely at home. Never any talk about

religion. The caller wished her mother could experience what she had found, but realized

this was not to be.

How many families are divided because of no spiritual belief?

God equals love and love is the most powerful force in the world. Imperative that we

teach our children all about God and his only Son who came into the world to show us

“how to live with light, love and laughter in our lives”. People who abuse their bodies, use

drugs, pills and drinking must understand….

“THE BODY IS THE TEMPLE OF GOD”

WHEN WE ABUSE OUR BODY IN ANY WAY, WE HAVE LOST OUR SELF RESPECT.

There is THE greatest chance of success in family, in life and in personal gain when we

accept Jesus. We fly with wings of Eagles and we DO NOT fly blind. So this brings me to

say, “what in the world is so frightening about being a Christian, living my faith and

believing in Jesus Christ”? NOTHING.

I find it fascinating to ask a non-believer what about Jesus scares you?

My father used to say, “You will never find an Atheist in a fox-hole at war”.

There is no atheist that can honestly answer why Jesus is scary? The only purpose Jesus

had when he walked on earth, was to Help, Heal and Honestly change mankind for the

better. Only beautiful, brilliant, blazing white light comes to us from this belief system. NO

single source of dark information goes with the name Jesus Christ. Where is there a

person on earth who agrees to be tortured, whipped, nailed to a cross to die and with HIS

last living breath says these words:

“FATHER FORGIVE THEM, FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO’

Yet, STILL people everywhere, INSIST ON GOING IT ALONE.

PEOPLE REFUSE INTERNAL SPIRITUAL HELP. They stubbornly are “Flying blind”.

These people live life on the edge, not caring who is BOSS over their dark energy and what

they think, and feel and do. So many of us are living alone in isolation. How do we

rationalize away darkness? Turn on the tv! Look at the phone! A young girl jogging,

attacked raped and killed in mid day…. an eleven year old girl asleep in her bedroom,

burglars break in and rape and kill…. mass school shooters….. need I go on? Darkness

exists as surely as the light around us waits to heal, protect and watch over us. However,

we still have “FREE WILL” HIS light is not forced upon us. I MUST ASK FOR HELP. Imperative I

have MY map so I am NOT “Flying Blind”. Therefore, through out my life, I say a powerful

prayer of protection:

St. Michael Prayer of Protection

“St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle,

be our protection against the wickedness and snares

of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray;

And Do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God,

cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the

world seeking the ruin of souls.” Amen.

This is a protection start to every day and this help me avoid danger zones. When I say

“flying blind”. I attribute this to those of us that decide Jesus is NOT for them. Then I awake

in the morning and “Clean out” my thinking, stop my focus on others and only focus on

“me”!

Who is my BOSS over all my internal thoughts, feelings and actions?

AM I so brazenly brave and callous to believe it is me? Where can I possibly find all the

tools on my own to defy dark thoughts, overcome negative input, and take out all the evil

energy around me AND do this daily”?

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO ACHIEVE PEACE ON MY OWN. I guarantee this. I have been through hell

and back. There is no other way except to invite HIM into my heart. It is then I learn internal

resilient training in order to adapt to life around me. When I admit and see and accept I

can’t do life on my own, that’s my key to say,

I ACCEPT, INVITE AND ASK YOU, JESUS TO BE IN MY BODY NOW. COME INTO MY LIFE NOW

LORD, I CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE. EVERY TIME I THINK I CAN, I GET THROWN A CURVE BALL.

THERES A BATTLE FOR MY MIND. IT’S EITHER ANOTHER PERSON, OR MY HEALTH, OR MY RACING

THOUGHTS I MUST ADMIT LORD, I AM POWERLESS OVER MY LIFE AND ASK YOU TO TAKE

OVER.

“Can I pray THIS powerful lhealing prayer, in all honesty?”

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“No Control?” Blog #108

The day was going fine …. until I heard that ”cruel remark”.

Anyone experience that? My mind is racing and It won’t stop.

How often has this happened? Then there’s….”everywhere I go, as busy as it is, I still feel

empty!” Of course who hasn’t felt this way too!

Todays anger takes control of so many of us, yet I will not let it control me! What does it

take to just “Let Go” and feel at peace? Do I know specifically how to control my temper

before it controls me? Certain thoughts have taken over at times and make my mind

almost a volcano of frustration, anger and fury! I have felt overwhelmed, more days than

not. At times I can rationalize that I have every right to these feelings, yet what do they do

to ME internally? Anger, stress, fear…..can age the body faster than one realizes.

Uncontrolled anger causes harm in so many parts of the body. Here are just a few that

can be attributed to uncontrolled stress and anger; headaches, insomnia, depression,

high blood pressure, strokes and heart attacks! So can I just imagine what day in and day

out of living this way brings?

During my life I now quickly learn to perceive peace. I understand that everywhere we

look, there is something happening that can be worrisome. Yet, I donot have to seek other

peoples problems! So do I actually have the answer for all the dilemma around me?

What am I so afraid of that keeps me pushing Jesus away? What kind of person have I

become? Is my heart good?

I must own who I am. I deliberatly work on how to harness my anger, stress and sadness.

If I am upset with another person, I am NOT working my plan! If I am judging another

person, I am not being honest with myself. When I focus working only on ME … then life

begins to balance brilliantly. There is no other good way out for me. I see I must abide with

this plan regardless. First and foremost, I decide to believe I am here, alive on earth for

only two reasons:

1. I am alive to learn my lessons and move quickly to the next lesson.

2. I am alive to help other people who are open to “learn, love and let go”.

It’s so easy to just get out of control quickly. We can take too many pills, we can drink too

many drinks, we can throw a tantrum and “really let them have it”. Power and control and

anger are all part of lower self thinking and living.

Just imagine if I wake up tomorrow morning and say to myself, “I will not lose my temper

today and I will not judge another human being, and I will not get angry". THIS IS WHEN I

BEGIN TO TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE IN A POWERFUL, POSITIVE, PERMANENT MANNER. I HAVE

NOTHING TO GAIN BY LIVING MY LIFE IN A SAD WAY. When I look back over the years and see

all the people that I FEEL hurt me, made me really angry and I have judged them, what

goodness has this given me? It does not matter what family I have come from. It does

not matter if I am alone or with other people. It does not matter if I have wealth or not.

What matters is in my heart. Do I have an understanding heart now? Can I control my

temper, control my anger and control my thinking? IF I can answer “Yes” to those three

questions, I am on way to learning to have an understanding heart. I must desire an

understanding heart because then I am able to ask HIM to see others through HIS eyes

only. So control of my life today, starts with my prayer this morning,

“Dear Lord, thank you for letting me see others through your eyes only”.

Many people are not able to pray this prayer, they do not want to. Many people are too

busy for Jesus Christ to fill their life, they are too busy worrying about themself, judging

another human being and “keeping score”. I understand at this stage of my life, its

important to go to bed every night and be at peace. I want to think peaceful thoughts,

feel at peace with myself and “let go”.

Here is a beautiful poem that sums it all up:

The Man in the Mirror

by: Dale Wimbrow

When you get what you want in your struggle for life,

and the world makes you King or Queen for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself and see what that guy has to say.

For it isn’t your mother, or brother or wife who judgement upon you must pass,

but the person whose verdict counts most in your life, is the one staring back

in the glass! He’s the one to please, never mind all the rest, for he’s with you

clear to the end. And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test, IF that

guy in the glass is your friend. You may fool the whole world down your pathway

of years, and get pats on the back as you pass. But your final reward will be

heartache and tears… IF you cheated that guy in the glass.

“I pray to let go of control. May I have an understanding heart?

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“Trouble Teacher” Blog #107

What about today, is it really special?

Where can I go to get the specific teaching I need quick?

Why is it so important for me to find THIS teacher now?

Most Americans are pretty aware of cerebrating February 14th as Valentine’s Day. In so

many different lives, people are expressing their feelings of “love” in the only way they

know best. There are presents, and candy and cards to give. It’s so important to feel and

want and be loved. That is what life is all about. Yet this February 14th is so much bigger

and so much more important and definitely more “life changing” than Valentines Day.

Today is Ash Wednesday. This is the first day of Lent in the Western Christian Church.

People attend services of Penitence across the nation and around the world. They go to

church, and during the service, ashes are marked on ones forehead in the sign of a cross.

Thus begins a time for 40 days, until Lent ends, when a person decides to acknowledge

Lent with or without doing penitence.

“Penitence”. The action of feeling or showing sorrow and regret for having done wrong;

repentance.” Wow. I wonder if there are many of us that wake up in the morning with

this thought, “I feel sorrow and regret for how I acted, or treated, or spoke to someone”.

The busy-ness of our daily life somehow puts this thought on a back burner. Still, it’s

important for me to find out who the most important teacher of my life is now? Although

we are all teachers to one another at some point, the number one teacher who gets me

through all my pain and trouble is only one man. What in the world sets him apart by me

stating this? Discipline. Jesus Christ went into the desert for 40 days and 40 nights and

fasted. He did not eat food. Why did he do this? The main reason is because he knew

what was ahead of him and he wanted to be prepared! HE NEEDED DISCIPLINE.

How do I prepare myself for taking on each and every day? Discipline is a key ingredient

to teaching myself to bring balance to my life. Many people may think about “Fasting” …….

Think about fasting….. but never do it. Fasting is a start to disciplining my life and searching

internally for the teacher who is waiting. HE is paramount to showing me the things that

are important to focus on and what to discard and leave behind. I can see that when I

begin to become aware of the importance of “being in the world and NOT of the world”,

I begin.

So, I believe that along with Discipline, I must have humility. I must learn to humble myself.

What exactly is humility? HUMILITY. A MODEST OR LOW VIEW OF ONE’S OWN IMPORTANCE;

HUMBLENESS.

There is a fascinating priest named Father Walter Ciszek. He was raised by Polish parents

in Pennsylvania and actually shocked his parents because he went from being a “very

bad gang member” into wanting to become a priest and volunteering to go as a Jesuit

Priest missionary to Russia. After being there one year, he led an extraordinary life of

suffering all because he believed he needed to have “radical surrender” and that all

human beings are weak and need God. He never stopped preaching to all the people

around him. Under false pretenses, he was convicted and sent to the darkest of Russian

prisons, for five years of solitary confinement. He never stopped praying. When this time

was up, he was then sent to Siberia for fifteen more years! This was in hopes the Russians

could break Father Ciszek, but they never did. He had a force of spiritual steel around him.

Nothing could break him. Father Ciszek believed there must be “radical surrender to God”.

He believed all human beings are weak and all human beings need God. He finally was

released in 1955 and wrote a book:

“To Russia with Love” Father Walter Ciszek (a few excerpts from his book)

“If you are in a situation or a difficulty, you can make a U-turn, instead of putting the blame

on something outside or on someone else; look within yourself to see how you have

contributed to the problem, and then find a way to restore peace to the situation…”

“You see, only the humble man or woman can teach Christ, can give him and his love to

others, because a proud man or woman just can’t really have Christ. The proud person is

so filled with himself, that there is no room for Christ……”

“Am I willing to look inside myself for the trouble teacher?”

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