“What If?” Blog #12
I know for a fact that truth is in everything. Every part of life reflects the truth in some
way. However, it is up to each person to find truth in his or her own way. Therein lies
the rub. Understanding what we are suppose to do with our lives each and every day
becomes too much for so many.
We often hide behind a veil of things that appear to make life “easier”.
There is a simple statement that I believe makes life easier to grasp.
Each of us are given our own lessons to learn from.
However, I did not know this for so many years.
Until I found this to be true for myself, my life was filled with darkness and difficulty.
Years ago, if you stopped me on a street corner, I would have been astonished and said
“what are you talking about?” I had money. I had a very successful career in real
estate, a big house, my own family with little children and who could want more?
Yet, life is full of twists and turns. I had no idea so many sad things that had happened
to me were not dealt with in an honest, truth-filled, open way. If I took one single
situation and brought it to light right now, I would say, “What if? What if I didn’t get
mad at my father who was a raging alcoholic and got cancer and died at the ripe old
age of fifty two? What if I hadn’t made up my mind thet last Christmas I saw him, to
swear I would never come home again while he was alive? He did die. I didn’t come
home. I only came home to his funeral.
Now years later, of course there are so many, “What if’s”. Understandably, we mature
over the years and hopefully learn from our experiences. However, its the dark,
dangerous details that don’t get worked on. They come back to visit us when we least
expect them. I was twenty two that last winter I saw my father. I was so wrapped up in
my own world, that when I did fly home for the Christmas holidays, my father was really
the last thing on my mind.
However, the anger, the rage, the broken heart I had from the way that he had
parented me…….where was all of that?
“What if” I had gotten in touch with my real sadness and my own anger and rage?
What if I had tried to learn about my self better and why I was making the choices
that I did, could I have prevented some of the sad relationships that came my way?
Could I have stopped my own drinking sooner? Would I have learned forgiveness
much quicker?
Life has a beautiful way of showing us when we are on the right course.
We feel peaceful. We sense goodness. We know we make good choices.
So getting back to my promise about writing a blog and keeping it simple.
The simplest way of getting my point across today is to share these two words
again and make them a sentence.
“What if you choose to see something in your life from your heart and not your head?
What I mean by this, is this. I have been very upset with a certain person in my life that
I seldom hear from. You might say, what’s the big deal about that? Well, its a big deal
because he means a lot to me. He is a family member. He is very close to my heart.
Yet, at the same time, his life is packed. He is busy from sunup to sundown and then
falls into bed. I would do anything to be closer to him. Yet, this is not possible
at least not right now. So, I got angry, without him knowing it. I let my pride
take over and even when he did call - I was busy. I stayed away. I didn’t answer.
“What if, I just let I go? What if I did like Jesus did and said, “Father, forgive them, for they
know not what they do”? What if today I tried to look at every situation in my life and all
the people in my life, from a different perspective, non-judgmental.
I am beginning to feel the weight lift and more of a lightness of being. I also
think by not judging any one else, this can allow me to “lighten up” and let go.
What if I just look at all the goodness in the people around me and refuse to
judge them. This does become hard to do, yet it is possible.
What if today you found one person in your family that you refuse to let
darkness or their addictions or their anger affect your growth?
What if today you prayed for them and let it go.
What if you came to the understanding that it is not possible to fix other people.
However, it is possible to fix yourself. It is possible to forgive yourself. It is possible
to love yourself and accept yourself just as your are. I believe we are all given the
tools we need for every part of our life. There are teachers all around us. Family
members are also our teachers. We are here to learn such valuable lessons.
What if you decide today this might be your truth too?
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''Left Alone” Blog #11
Today is easier than yesterday. Yet, you may be reading this and think “today is
so much harder than yesterday”. Life is so much like this. One never knows what
we are going to be dealing with from one day to the next.
There was a period in my life when I felt that no matter where I looked, no matter
what I did, no matter where I went…..Life was just too hard. I asked myself over and
over, “why do I have to be given all this to deal with?”
Why am I so unhappy?
After my Mother was killed, I had to wait two agonizing long years for the trial to take
place and find that the person who had done this was now found “not guilty by reason
of insanity”. This was so difficult for me to deal with. I went to one counselor after the
other. I read so many books and attended one “Grief Seminar” after the next.
Nothing seemed to take hold. One day a good friend told me about this wonderful
man that she was sure I would connect with. I agreed to take the chance and made
an appointment. He told me something that immediately clicked. He said “take all the
things that you are worried about now, all the things that you feel bad about and “leave
them alone”. He told me to visualize this room far away on an island. He said there was
one door to this building with only one room in it. He said close your eyes, take yourself
to this building and open the door. Now take all the things that you are most worried
about, fearful of and afraid of and take them there and leave them there.
Now close the door so they are “Left alone”. If you have learned your lessons from things
in the past, they are only weighing you down now. They must be discarded.
Later on as the years went by, I learned to visualize this more and more. I was able to
do this because I thought about how you can turn on and off a television.
Why shouldn’t I be able to turn off “episodes that were frightening in my life?”
I am saying that you should not push things out of your life that are not choosing to
deal with, however I am saying that when you are given lessons and situations in your
life that you know you have done everything you can to learn from, then it is time
to let it go and make sure it is “Left alone”.
There is much to be said about all of our different lessons. They are so personal
and emotional and often heart-breaking. However, every lesson we are given
is given to us for the purpose of growth. We need to grow spiritually. We need to ask
ourselves, “what did I learn from this situation”? We do not want to ever stay stuck.
Knowing that today is a brand new chance at life is wonderful. Looking at the glass
half-full is far more important than seeing it half-empty. There is so much to learn.
I know that I feel much better about life with that awareness now. I have come to
a place where I refuse to give up or give in. I want to grow and learn my lessons in a
positive way. I am making sure that things I don’t need in my life to weigh me down
anymore - are “left alone”. As I leave you today on this Easter Weekend, are there things
in your life better left alone?
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''Fixing Family Fear" Blog #10
How often do we all rationalize, “this person really needs me!” “I have to fix it all to make
things better!” “I’m afraid for our family if I don’t fix things!”’
I have spent much of my life, year after year, trying to fix things in my family. In my
mind, I kept rationalizing, I let my emotions rule and I avoided the truth. Seeing life now, I
have a much bigger job. I must take good care of myself first. I need to find a healthy
way, every day, to take care of me. I have found and I use different tools now to
balance out my life. I step back and try not to fix everything around me. Every day I
pray to my Lord to see others from a higher perspective. “Not my will, but thy will be
done in every part of my life today.” Emotions cannot rule me. Only truth can show
the way each day.
So how do we start? We make a deliberate attempt to train ourselves to learn
our lessons from past experiences. Did we react to a situation and give in to our
pride? Does our fear dictate how we go about fixing things? Or, do we ask to be
surrounded in light before we approach any situation?
When life gets crazy and we are trying to control others and fix things, we do not allow
HIS light in. We push away the healing light that protects. We stay saturated in
darkness and we are all alone. There is a simple fix. Put your hands together and say,
“I thank you for showing me the way today”. Herein lies Faith. Here is my Faith. This can
be your Faith. HE is waiting, waiting patiently for each of us. HE waits for you now.
When my daughter Bridget was 16 years old, she had recently gotten her drivers license.
She told us that she was staying with a friend nearby for the weekend. We trusted her
with a family car that had now became hers to use. At the end of the weekend she
came home late Sunday morning. Going into detail, she shared movies she watched
and told us she had a great time at her best friends home a few miles away. I ran to
the grocery store and bumped into her older brothers friend. Bridget had actually been
two hundred miles away, partying on a college campus. When she was confronted,
she knew she had been caught in a lie. We told her she had lost her driving privileges
for one week. However, while I was at my Open House for real estate, Bridget moved
out! She moved in with a family member who in turn greatly manipulated the
situation and leased her a car. Bridget stayed away for most of her junior year In high
school. She knew this was wrong. We all knew this was wrong of her to do. Yet, I was
petrified I would lose my cherished daughter. I wanted to fix our family I refused to look
at the real truth. However, I did spend the ensuing months trying to “fix things between
us”. I sent letter after letter. I wrote postcards. I baited her with clothes, gifts and the
chance to take college trips all over the country.
Finally it all worked. Bridget came home near the end of her junior year. She and I
never talked about what happened. We did not discuss truth. I closed my eyes to the
truth, I just wanted a relationship with my daughter no matter what. I enabled my
daughter in an unhealthy way. I only tried to fix a fearful family situation. Once the truth
is compromised, it becomes easier and easier to see things through a fog of distorted
reality. People start to hide behind alcohol and drugs, something Bridget did herself.
Others find an added crutch with abusive relationships, Bridget chose to do this as well.
These choices make life so much harder. Rationalizing again, how to fix family
members. Family situations carry a delicate balance of prayer, faith and letting go. All
three must come together with trust. We cannot allow a family members anger, bad
choices, and rebellion to control us. We get so uptight with others choices that they
sabotage our lives. In my family I had to learn to accept the following words, “you
cannot save someone from themself.” I needed to accept and believe this as truth. I
could not fix my family. However, I could heal and fix and accept myself. Yes, I had
horrific losses in my family. The tragic loss of my mother and the senseless death of my
daughter recently. This latest loss could have had paralyzing effects on me. Yet, this
time I had spiritual tools. I know HE supports me and I feel my guardian angel right
beside me. I feel protected. and loved and safe. I focus constantly on my Faith. These
are my lessons to learn from.
Today as I close I ask, “Can you look beyond fear and learn lessons from your family?
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“Face of Fear” Blog #9
Every person has something in common with someone else. We all have fear.
We all must face our fears, one day at a time. Fear can be overpowering, devastating
and pointedly paralyzing. It brings in self doubt, despair, and depression.
It’s the fear that leads to our addictions.
How do we dig out from our fear?
How do we learn from our fear?
Most importantly - How can we face our fears head on?
Can we understand and accept the concept that “Fear is a great teacher”?
Fear brings on opportunities to develop attributes we are not always aware we have.
Facing our fear head on can give a person such tremendous courage.
This is the kind of courage we do not realize we even have.
I believe that we are here for two main purposes -
We are here to learn our own individual lessons. We are here to help other people.
Therefore, you too, can try to see that fear is a great teacher.
In my own life I have had horrific fear. For many years I hid behind being a
“workaholic by day” and an “alcoholic” by night. I chose the wrong relationships.
Anything and everything I did was based on running away from my sad problems.
Oftentimes, until we are ready to face our fear head-on, we hide and we wait.
We just keep waiting.
Its astounding that which we choose NOT to see.
Yet, this is truly a crisis moment! We must come to our own understanding that
we cannot do it alone. When we are weak, falling down, torn apart weak,
it is only then that we realize what we must.
We must let it all go. We have to let go.
When we let go, only HE can pick us up and HIS great love catches us.
I have experienced the loneliness people cannot fix. This is an inner lonliness
that aches and hurts and eats away with constant fear, and the fear grows daily.
I finally got tired of doing the same things, filled with fear and finding the same
outcome. So I started to search deeper, open up more and listen intently.
I came to the realization and understanding that “nothing can harm me if I do not
allow it to”. I accepted my inner knowing of my “Higher self” that I am completely
protected. My guardian angel is always here with me. I live in the Light of my Lord
and this is what truly saves me. These are such personal awarenesses.
Yet, I choose to share them with you. Everyone has a guardian angel. You only
have to ask internally, the name will come to you.
I hope as I leave you with these words today, you too will choose to be rescued.
You too, will choose to open up, search and find this same perfect, protective, peace.
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“Right decisions” Blog #8
You couldn’t possibly take a road trip and not have the directions. When you’re
going to pick up a friend, you drive through the city and need to know where you
are going. When you go to the grocery store, you usually have a grocery list to
know what needs to be bought. Yet, every day we often make impulsive, quick,
emotional decisions, without any thought to the consequences. So often, we allow
this person or that person to give us “sound advise” or a specific book or television
show to rule our thoughts. So often we say to ourselves, “its okay, I can think about
it later. If I just do this now, it will make things all better. If I just wait it out, that person
will see how mad I really am at them!” Often in my life, many decisions have been
based on an emotional appeal from someone near me. I believe I have made
decisions to try to help someone in the moment just to fix things.
What is our ulterior motive based on emotional decisions?
So many decisions we make are and can be enabling. They can be manipulative.
Above all, causing a ripple affect and not always helpful. I have now learned so
many lessons in my life how “not to try to fix things for other people”. Just when
you think it will go your way, it does not. However, prayer, contemplation and quiet
meditation is a very good choice. I sit quiet for a few moments. I breathe in
deeply for much added peace. All of this helps me to filter, find and focus on inner
truths. When I was a little girl, I asked my very old grandma a question,
“How do I know if I am doing the right thing’?
This wise, gentle woman smiled sweetly down at me and patted my hand.
She looked at me with kind, knowing eyes saying,
“Its not always easy, but when you feel very calm and not worried or anxious, or
afraid of the outcome, then that’s probably the right decision to make”.
Its all pretty basic and simple, and it makes sense. We have so many decisions
to make throughout each day. We must decide what is best for ourselves and
especially those we are responsible for that are around us. If a decision is
made with love in our heart, it is usually the best decision, I have found that when
I wake up in the morning, right away before I get out of bed, I lay quietly and give
thanks for all my blessings and ask for direction. I ask for help in making the right
decisions throughout my day. I ask for an understanding heart to do HIS will and
not my will. This is my inner guidance system at work. You might also call it “an
inner road map". My internal guide or (my higher self) and my guardian angel
are all in place to help me focus on making the right decisions for today.
This is truly Amazing Grace.
I leave you with a final tidbit: To find your own guardian angel, simply sit very
quietly or lay very still and just ask internally “who is my guardian angel?”
The name will come. Lastly I ask you this,
“Are you comfortable with the decisions you made today?”
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“Defy Dark Thoughts” Blog #7
Do you know how to organize your thoughts? Think about thoughts….
Does the word “organize” fit into this same sentence for you? Today is important
for me to take time and focus on a constant battle that rages within us all. Just
plain dealing with our daily life can be tough at times. Trying to stay positive is a
difficult feat to do every single day.
We get up in the morning and start making decisions right away. Does one decision
after another bring on more anxiety? It can, most definitely.
Stress each day can bring more depression until one day, its just too much.
Yet, it doesn’t have to be that way, life can be so much better for you.
One day, life got so much better for me.
Today I am here. I feel good about my life today. I tell you now why I believe this.
First of all, “None of us are given more than we can handle:”
We are promised that none of us will be given more than we can handle.
Each of us have our own separate lessons to learn from. Lessons will be given
to us 24/7. Lessons are given day in and day out. A lesson will be repeated until
it is learned. Then it is time to go on to the next lesson.
And for added measure, just when you have things figured out, the tables turn.
Years ago after I lost my wonderful mother, I became a workaholic.
I showed houses, sold houses, met new people and sold more houses all over again.
It was an early Autumn morning and I remember that day vividly from years ago…
I was in a hurry to list a new home that I was putting on the morket. The home
needed a lock box. I also needed to write my ad for the coming Sundays
Open House. I was driving down the freeway, up against the clock, when all of a
sudden there was a huge traffic jam. Everything came to a complete stop.
None of the cars were moving. I was in the middle lane, and now sandwiched
between all kinds of loud, smelly cars. Suddenly, I was hot and cold. I felt like
screaming. I wanted to get out of the car and run. I just kept thinking, I want to
get out of my car and run away now! It was incredible how many thoughts I
was having in one instant. My eyes were burning and I remember as I put
my head back, I felt the need to stay very still. Traffic was not moving and
neither was I. I sat in my car filled with fear. I instinctively put my hands
together saying “Help me, Help me please….” It seemed like hours had passed
until I began to settle down.. Then I felt a sudden and distinct presence of
HIS peace. This was like nothing I had ever felt before. It was all okay now.
I felt warm and safe and balanced. Everything bad had evaporated into thin
air. At last, I was back to being my own self again.
I looked at my watch, all this had taken place in about twenty minutes!
My fear of the unknown had taken over and I’d been to hell and back.
A few days later I went to see my therapist and told him what happened.
He explained to me I had experienced an anxiety/panic attack.
My therapist also reilnforced that “nothing can harm you if you don’t allow it to”.
He told me to repeat this truth over and over in my head.
“Above all,” he said, “do something different and try to learn about yourself.
Don’t take yourself so seriously and try to laugh more”.
He finished by telling me that “everything is not your fault”.
I marveled at this mans quiet words of wisdom. He himself had seen such
sadness in his own life. Yet he always had such patience ad a ready smile
As I end today, I finally share this added piece - Did my panic attacks come back?
Yes, they certainly did!
I was attending a meeting at my office. There I was, sitting in the middle of a
crowded room of real estate people. Suddenly, I felt those ugly feelings creep
into me all over again. I was clammy. I felt the need to start screaming, and I
wanted to run away fast!
But now I knew something different. I told myself quickly. “You’ve already been
there”. I was mad at myself now and I said “get out of me now!” It worked. It
really worked. I calmed down. I took lots of deep breaths and realized I was
in control. I could organize my thoughts differently and throw out bad thoughts.
I found a beautiful angel to focus on. It was my guardian angel, always with me.
So now with my thoughts organized, I could bring in the light, lots of light. and lots
of beautiful new thoughts. I did this carefully - one long day after the next.
That was a long time ago, over 35 years ago and they are gone forever.
Today I leave you with this question: “Is it time to reorganize your thoughts?”
Is there darkness lurking in the crevices of your mind?
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“Horrific Choices” Blog #6
Everything we do is based on a choice…...
I know one truth that we can all agree on and that is “we all just have today”.
If I choose to sit with myself and go back over all the years that bring me to
this point in time, events that stand out the most are the tragic times.
It’s funny how death can be the teacher in making you stop and see truth..
I was 23 years ol age when I would come face to face with death twice in the
very same year. Arizona was so amazing in April.
The air was filled with a perfume that only the desert flower blossoms could claim.
I was visiting my grandpa and my aunts for Spring break from college.
My grandfather had already reached the revered old age of 96 and he was still going
strong. This was my mothers family and they were hard-working Germans who had
come over from Europe when my grandfather and grandmother first married.
They raised eight children in Minnesota and were in the restaurant business for as long
as I had been alive. I loved being around them, there was always exciting conversation
and even as my grandpa approached his 97th year, I marveled how my two old
spinster aunts fussed over every meal, especially the morning breakfast. The table had
been set with a white linen table cloth napkins and center piece of flowers. of course.
The cooked prunes were set above the while china plate and the oatmeal simmered,
hot on the stove with egg coffee brewing. My aunts were hustling about as my grandpa
came down the stairs. Dressed in his pressed, pleated trousers and starched while shirt
with the sleeves slightly rolled up, you’d think he was off to work. He shuffled past me
and I inhaled his energy of old spice. Smiling at me, he sat down. “How are you feeling
today grandpa”? I said. He looked over at me playfully. “With my fingers Barbie”, I
laughed. This man was my mentor for life,. Even in his nineties, age did not define him.
I always felt safe in my grandpas presence. Now the aroma of all the breakfast courses
caught my attention once again. There was an omelet with bacon coming and
homemade cinnamon rolls hot out of the oven. All was as it should be, because every
day was like this one. With breakfast finished and the late mornings conversation
coming to a close, my grandpa told us he was going back upstairs for a short rest.
The morning had seen a late start for all of us. Now I watched, as my aunts no
sooner cleared the table, and were talking about the menu for tonights
dinner. My cousin was visiting like me, and with clear sunny skies and a hot afternoon
ahead, we quickly left for the swimming pool. I was drifting off to sleep when my aunt
came running out to the pool. “Come inside kids quickly, and Barbie don’t go upstairs til
we tell you1”. I remember thinking, what a strange comment. So of course, when I
walked into the house, I saw both my aunts crying and staring up the staircase.
I ran up to my grandpas bedroom at once, and there he was. The while chenille spread
was pulled back just enough for his head to rest on a down feathered pillow.
The sun was shining thru his bedroom window. Grandpas glasses were on the bedside
table with his bible opened. I looked over at my grandpa stretched out in the clothes
I had just seen him in. Everything was so eerily quiet. Less than an hour ago we were
laughing together. Now his hands were folded over on his chest and he lay there.
I gingerly reached out, touching his nose and it felt ice cold. I quickly pulled back.
Yet, the expression on his face was amazing and so comforting. He appeared to be at
such peace. I remember thinking, “Wow, what a way to go, what a way to leave this
earth. Just go upstairs and take a nap. Of course, I thought right away how much I
would miss him, I would miss him terribly. My grandpa was just always there in the
background, he was everything to me. Still, he had lived a very long life. He almost
reached one hundred and was fully functioning. His heath, for the most part, was
excellent and his mind was completely in tact. This man had such a wonderful sense
of humor. Watching him over the years I lived at his house, gave me great memories
now of seeing my Grandpa in his chair, smoking his pipe of cherry blend tobacco, while
laughing hard at the Red Skelton Show on television. I believe his enormous varied
interests, eating good food that was always prepared for him, and drinking very little,
kept him healthy year after year. Even after my grandma died, there was no mention of
any senior home. Grandpa would remain living out his days in his big white colonial
with his daughters that never married. From the giant garden he cultivated all summer
long and all the grandchildren visiting his summer home up North. Watching and
reading the news from around the world with restaurant tabletalk discussions nightly.
All the daily drama and yet never taking part, just listening. This is what really kept
my grandpa going. I was able to peacefully let him go now and at the same time,
understand he lived a very good life. All of this took place in the month of April.
In October of that same year I lost my father at the ripe old age of 52.
Through choices of his own, my father had become a raging, abusive, sick
alcoholic. As long as I had been alive, this was the only way I came to know him.
This man had a wife and three children. Yet the priorities my father chose, to rule
his life, were oh so sad. My father smoked two unfiltered packs of camel cigarettes
every single day. This man drank a case of beer and a pint of whiskey every single day.
He lived with four other people in a house where, the terror and horrific behavior was so
acute that never a day went by when there was not sadness, chaos and grief.
I moved over to my grandfathers house by the time I was twelve years old.
No one really seemed to care or even miss me. It was one less mouth to feed.
This was a very hard choice for me to make, a horrific choice. I was afraid to go and
leave my mother and little brothers at home with my father. Yet, the verbal abuse
I was nightly taking and the fights were keeping me up and affecting my school
work, and my mental ;health. me My aunts had begged my mother to leave. She would
never listen. Somehow I realized that I needed to be strong internally. I needed to save
myself. After I did this, ofcouirse I went back and forth fighting a guilty conscience.
Thru my highchsool years I lived at my grandpas house. I wound up graduating from a
good school and going on to college because of my aunts generosity. Life is filled with
choices. One day at a time. My father? One day his body just caved in. I was living
and working in Arizona now. I had not been home since Christmas. My aunt alled
and told me that my fathers body had just caved in. She said that his mouth was
filled with “spider tumors” and his body was loaded with cancer. He did not die
peacefully and I was not there to tell him I forgave him. At this point, I did not.
I ask you this today: “Is there a choice you need to make for your own good
mental health, or have you put it off”?
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“So Damn Hard” Blog #5
So today I am going a little deeper.
In order to balance my life, I choose to get rid of my overwhelming anger, constant
resentment and my consuming fear. Now you may say, “I can’t do this. I have valid
reasons for hating or despising and holding a grudge on this person or that person for
what they’ve done to me and I will always feel that way.” So I say you, “right now, check in
with your feelings, how does that feel?”
How do these words feel festering inside you? Rather, try to see this – in the big picture I
told you every single solitary thing that happens to us, happens for a reason. Everything
we are given is an invaluable lesson to learn from. To compound this, what if this were
true?
We came to earth to learn powerful lessons. Each and every one of us. If we can not
learn one lesson, we are given a bigger lesson to learn next time. Lessons are repeated
until they are learned.
When I was young, in my teenage years, I remember I had a total of two or three
boyfriends throughout my high school years. Sadly, their personalities were so similar.
They were not stable. Their home life was bad. They needed “fixing” and it was all sad.
They were filled with drama. There was always something going on with them that
required fixing. I had to fix them. I don’t remember happy joyful fun with my boyfriends
and I don’t remember lots of laughter. I do remember a tremendous amount of fear. Now
I realize there was constant fear at home and no laughter. Every one in our family catered
to my father and his dark, drunken scary actions.
Why do you suppose I just threw all that information about myself in the mix? This is
because our own individual lives are “stepping stones” and we can stay stuck in the mud,
or climb out into the light. This is exactly what I did. I’m not saying that it is easy at all. But
there will always be a way out. There is absolutely no other choice to a healthy, happy,
peace-filled life. So listen for just a little longer and see if my ideas can work for you.
When my Mother was murdered and I was filled with hate and anger and rage, I shared
how this wonderful therapist asked me to try to pray for the man that did this. I tell you
now, it took months to do this. Yet, when I decided to forgive him and pray for him there
was such an immediate relief and release of tension in my body, it was unbelievable.
I actually drove myself to the state hospital where they were keeping this man because
he was found to be “insane”, yet I asked the guards to let me see him. They brought him
into a holding room. I told this man who I was. I told him I forgave him for everything he
had done. Just for a minute, I saw the anger leave his face and he said to me, “I was
going to ask the guard to take me to the cemetery so I could say I’m sorry to her” he said.
Just for a moment I was able to see through to his higher self. But with that his eyes
glassed over and there was no more talk. I was led out of the state hospital to my car. I
remember thinking, “this must be what the thoughts of heaven and hell are now”. He
seemed to be in hell indefinitely for what he has done.
Heaven felt very close to me, because I felt my angels close to me. I felt peace now, I felt a
complete understanding of what I had internally been asked to do and I was thankful I
was able to bring myself to do this.
So, I ask you this question today, “Are feelings of anger, hate and regret, robbing your
peace of mind”?
NOW LISTEN TO SONG FOR TODAY - CLICK PLAY BUTTON IN VIDEO BELOW
“Something Strange” Blog #4
Today I am going to spend just enough time to share something
really remarkable. Its so important to share this gift with you.
The gift of these very beautiful words:
“You can choose to be wherever you want in your thinking.”
YOU get to choose. 24/7. Every minute of every day.
This is always and forever while you are alive.
Thinking any kind of thought is your decision today.
There have been many days that were too dark for me to deal with.
For me - I know that mental pain can far outweigh any of my own
physical pain in so many ways. Knowing this, many days, I go into one
long day after the next. I would often feel like I was just existing.
I somehow made it from one thing to the next, but not fully present.
I seemed to be devoid of any emotion that embraced truth.
In an earlier blog, I shared how I was able to stop drinking
over thirty years ago!
This was not some elaborate plan. This is not a long read.
Here’s what I did: “I just stopped on that DAY”
You only have TODAY. What a beautiful present. The “Present”.
Remember this: The mind is tricky … If you dwell on a sad thought,
this thought will grow. This thought can overtake you.
If you stay in one mindset, knowing you are up against a wall,
you grow weaker. I grew weaker. I Needed to STOP dwelling
on sad thoughts. Whether it is a relationship, a sickness, a
persons cruel comments, a lost job, you are up against a “Wall”.
I needed to remember I could not bring my daughter back!
I could not change the murder of my own mother!
I could not change the past no matter how I thought about it.
I wanted to “fix things” around me. I wanted to fix people so
they looked at me differently. I desperately wanted to fix things.
YOU cannot fix other people. You can only fix or change yourself.
At first, this reality is very scary. This thinking is sad. What am I
going to think about then if this is true? What do I do about ME?
So now I hand you a new thought. I put my hands together
and I say “thank you. Wow. You are probably saying to me , “What?
What are you talking about?”
I seemed to have every reason in the world to become an
alcoholic, a drug addict myself, just plain want to end it all, right?
I could dive into my depression and sadness and try to
make it go away with all these “temporary tools of false thinking” but now I don’t.
I was tired, so very tired of THAT outcome. I KNOW where that goes!
So for once in my life, I choose not to go there.
I went to see this wonderful ancient old therapist that was helping
me by just being a good listener and he always ended with a few comments.
He suggested when I go home that night to try something different
in approaching my life, just for one day.
“Can you do this?”, he said. “Can you try something new for today?”
There was a very long silence. My mind was racing. I had literally
tried all the things there were to try.
“Okay”, I said. “I guess I can try something for one day”.
He told me, “Put your hands together and say thank you. Thank
you for my life right now and all the lessons I am being given to learn from.
Thank you for showing me where to go today from my higher self!”
For whatever reason, I had nothing to lose.
I looked at him in astonishment because now he told me to do
something no one else had said to do.
He asked me not to just pray for myself, but pray for the person that
murdered my mother.
What a strange twist.
What a different kind of energy.
Why would I want to do this? I guess because I was tired of hating.
I was so desperate and I was so tired of doing the same things and
feeling so sad, hung over, depressed.
So I said, “I will do it”. He also told me that this is considered to be
a powerful prayer. When you pray for your highest good or the
highest good of another, angels sweep forth, the universe listens,
and that prayer is ALWAYS answered.
I did this that first night and every night there after.
A weight was lifted off my shoulders I could not begin to describe.
So I end on this note today, can you do something good and pray for yourself?
Can you say a prayer for someone you hate?
NOW LISTEN TO SONG FOR TODAY - CLICK PLAY BUTTON IN VIDEO BELOW
“The Unexpected” Blog #3
Today I really want you to think about your life right now….
Just when you think your life is going the way you want it, everything can change.
Just when you think you figured it all out, there’s a new twist.
However, no person is ever prepared for the unexpected…….
It was a beautiful sunny day and I was set up with so many appointment and I loved my
work. I was really good at selling houses and this day I was crazy busy. I had Just
finished giving my only little boy some grape juice and I would be on my way…
So much to do and so very little time.
I was at the kitchen sink and turned around to see grape juice all over the
place! I hurriedly cleaned up the high chair, watched the smiling face of
my precious 18 month old and took the rug to shake it outside the back
door. In that flash of a moment, how my life changed…..
The sun was shining brightly. Not a cloud in the sky on this gorgeous
July morning. Suddenly, I was overcome with a new thought; So
pressing! Now I did not want to go to my work. I did not want to show houses.
All I could think about was going on a picnic!! This was crazy, but true.
My husband had come into the kitchen in his nice blue suit, ready
to take on the day and start our real estate appointments. I turned to
him and said; “everything changed, Im going to call mom and see if
she wants to go on a picnic with the baby and me and can you please
take over for me today?” My husband smiled and said he would.
.It took no more then 45 minutes to call my mom, and she was at our
house. She told me she couldn’t remember when we had ever done
this. She had brought 3 things with her. An old quilt, a thermos of
lemondade and a big black umbrella for shade. As we drove to the
lake, she had her precious, adored grandson nestled on her lap.
From that moment, I just recall a perfect day. A day like no other.
We sat on the blanket and talked and talked and laughed. My
mother adored her little grandson and I watched as they came
back walking down the beach and she had bought a chocolate
ice cream cone. They were sharing it, she was laughing and they
both had chocolate covered faces. His pudgy little fingers were
holding tight to her hand as they walked slowly in the hot July sun.
In no time at all, he was sound asleep on the quilt. We had the
whole afternoon to be together and share out thoughts.
Suddenly, I realized the time! The late afternoon sun was giving
way to cooler temperatures and I told my mother we had better
get going because someone was now awake and going to be
very hungry. At that moment, I watched a very familiar figure
approaching and saw that my husband had come and surprised
us! He had baked chicken, grapes, soft rolls, and so much good
food. Then he said; “ don’t be upset honey, but I brought the last
bottle of white wine we had in the refrigerator, I know you were
saving it for our dinner party this weekend, but it goes great
with the chicken. He had already poured my mom a glass as
she smiled at him. We all sat there eating the best food and
having a picnic. I thought to myself, I never would have thought to do this in a
million years. Finally, it was time to leave. We all walked across
the grass and drove home to our house in two separate cars.
In the driveway I kissed and hugged my mom goodbye. “ I’ll see
you in morning, since you said you would watch the baby and
we have so much work to catch up with, ok? “ I watched my
mom nod yes, smile and wave to me. She got into her car and drove
away. I realized how peaceful I felt and how nice the day had
been. Absolutely no regrets about missing any work.
The following morning at 9:27 my mother was murdered by a drug addict.
I ask you this question; “Are you prepared for the unexpected today?”
“Do you have any regrets involving any other person??
NOW LISTEN TO SONG FOR TODAY - CLICK PLAY BUTTON IN VIDEO BELOW
“Moving on” Blog #2
There are only two choices in life. There will never be more than two choices in
your life. Keep it simple and remember that. Do nothing or do something.
The right thing or the wrong thing? Always pray first for discernment. To know to
do the right thing. Simply say “I pray to do the right thing now”. That will work.
I try to live from my highest level of understanding. It’s hard, but well worth it.
Today I am going to talk about miracles. They are real. They happen. I had my first
miracle happen to me………. months after my own mother was murdered.
`I had become overly restless and filled with anxiety as well as being a workaholic
and a closet drinker. No matter what I did though, I could not escape the bad
nightmares I was having and the darkness that I felt around me. I lived in
constant fear and felt my life was so empty. I could not forgive God for taking
away my mother in such a horrid way. I could not cope with life as I lived it
and above all, my futile ways of “bandaging” the issues around me, were
failing. I just knew I had to do something different.
I took a trip and went to see my mothers sisters, my two old aunts who lived in
Arizona. I would spend the week laying in the sun, so I thought, and try
to get past all my grizzlley past. This would fix me . I was totally mistaken.
When I arrived in Arizona, the first thing my younger aunt told me was
my elder aunt, my favorite aunt, had become very, very sick with emphasema.
They were going to attend a healing service where a very famous priest was
going to be, this coming Sunday. “Would I please go with them and help bring
my favorite aunt into the church and go to the service?”. What could
I say but of course. Yes.
When we got there. it was pandemonium. Not a couple hundred but
hundreds of people waiting in line to get in. People in wheel choirs, people with no
hair, children limping, so many obvious sick people wailting to hear what
this very controversial priest had to say. The reason I say controloversial
was because the Catholic Church had made him leave because not only
did he want to get married, (and he did) but he was performing
miracles in Gods name and healing people. I jus had to see this man too.
As we walked into the church, we barely found a seat. My younger
aunt was firing instructions at me. “Now you hold on to her left arm
tightly, while I hold on to her right arm and when we get to the priest, I will do the
talking, understand? I nodded my head yes.
The people started going forward from the back of the church… so many
people hurting. I watched as this magnificent, majestic man, tall in stature
and piercing blue eyes, mesmerize the people. He had on dark pants and a blue
sweater and the kindness face. He could not have been any older than forty at the
oldest. Yet, when he started to talk and motioned to the people
to come up one by one, he told them he would pray for them. His voice was
immediately calming. He had a presence about him that reminded me of
a saint. The entire church with hundreds of people in it, now became still.
I remember as we walked up the aisle, I was gripping my aunts arm and
I kept thinking, “what is he going to say or do to her? But I wasn’t afraid..
Then - we were there. He never looked at either of my aunts. He seemed
to look straight into my heart as if to silently say “you have nothing to fear”
I remember he touched my forehead and softly made the sign of a cross.
In that exact instant, I flew over on my back like a tornado had hit me and
gently laid me down flat on the ground! Everyone around me was staring down at me.
The priest knelt down and said; “Do not fear, the Holy Spirit has just gone
through you. I remember feeling such peace - I never wanted to get up.
I also remember thinking, Is this what faith is really about? Because Jesus
would have to come down from the cross every single day in order for people
to see him and then believe in him. I know this. prior to coming here this
night my faith was somewhere between barely there and not. Now I just
sat up and looked at my aunts. they both looked away. All the drive home
they were silent. Later that night, and the following days, a miracle besides
the one in church happened to me. I no longer had any problem sleeping.
I slept the entire night thru. So I leave you with this question today;
‘Do you believe in miracles? Can your life be different then now?
NOW LISTEN TO SONG FOR TODAY - CLICK PLAY BUTTON IN VIDEO BELOW
“Dare To Do It” Blog #1
Hi I’m Barbie.. I am going to do all I can in an honest way, and share with you weekly
how I have overcome the worst of my adversity. I am one person with lots of ways
that may. seem unorthodox - but helped me overcome my own sadness and
heartache. I still love God. . I still love my life. I still love my family. I am still willing
to take on whatever comes to me and work from my higher self. Theres no other way.
Im going to share lots of things with you… Why they work for me.. Nothing else.
Some weeks it will be a longer message. Sometimes shorter. Always important.
Right now I think I am going to share a short story. I had a very sad tragedy in my
life when I was a young mother with a toddler. My own mother was brutally
murdered by a drug addict. From the day that its happened, I was never to
be the same. I remember the calendar of the day had a small inscription
that said: “Oh normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are…”. I’ve
never forgot that. My world was changed and so was I. My days filled with
panic attacks, anxiety, constant fear, anger, depression ….drinking.. on and
on and more drinking. I want to make this very long story short and to the point
Meanwhile, I had been trying a boat load of things that friends told me to do.
Counselors, therapists, books, videos, help for drinking. Nothing at all seemed to
penetrate the darkness. Nothing at all helped. Then one day out of desperation
I actually did try to talk to God and try not to be angry as I said this quick,
prayer: “Please God, if you are listening, I can’t take it any longer, help me please”
I now know that when you pray in earnest…….angels are dispatched -
God goes right to work AND heavenly spirits come down to help.. Wow..
I had been working, or had actually become a workaholic to hide from
all my tragedy. My neighbor knew my story and came over with a ticket to
go see a new phenomena at convention center. He supposedly was turning
everyones life around no matter what tragedy they had encountered or how
they were stuck. Anyway, I thanked my neighbor for the ticket and threw it in
the garbage can. Later when I was suppose to go to work, I started shaking
and realized my fear had taken over, my anxiety was through the roof and
I was ready to give up. I took the ticket out of the waste basket and drove to the
Convention Center. It was packed, a few thousand people. I managed to
find a place to sit in the midst of total strangers and tried to listen. The man
next to me was way too cheerful and talking non-stop. I hoped he wouldn’t
start talking to me. I had decided at the intermission, I would get up and leave..
I just couldn’t get into it. As I was leaving the huge convention center, there were
hundreds of people ,standing around during the break. I started to walk
toward my car and a hand brushed my shoulder. I turned around and it was
the man who had been sitting next to me in the auditorium ! He was a thin,
balding man in his 40’s with a pleasant face and a big smile; He looked right
into my eyes and said: “I hope you are enjoying yourself as much as I am”……
You know, I lost my wife and 4 daughters in a house fire……I realize that they
gave up their lives so I could learn the lessons I needed to learn. I hope you
have a good day”. With that last word he disappeared into the crowd,
never to be seen by me again. I just stood there for the longest time. It
was like time stood still. I thought what if what he told me was the way
it really is? My grief suddenly paled next to his. Yet, he seemed and appeared
to be at peace. He seemed to accept life in a beautiful way. I went out to
my car and emptied out the cup of wine I had left behind. My mind was racing
in a good way. Suddenly a different door was open because inside my head,
this thought made sense. So I end today by asking you this question:
“What if everything that happens to each of us, is a powerful lesson to learn from?”
What IF YOU ARE ONLY ON THIS EARTH
TO LEARN LESSONS & HELP OTHER PEOPLE?
NOW LISTEN TO SONG FOR TODAY - CLICK PLAY BUTTON IN VIDEO BELOW