''Fixing Family Fear" Blog #10
How often do we all rationalize, “this person really needs me!” “I have to fix it all to make
things better!” “I’m afraid for our family if I don’t fix things!”’
I have spent much of my life, year after year, trying to fix things in my family. In my
mind, I kept rationalizing, I let my emotions rule and I avoided the truth. Seeing life now, I
have a much bigger job. I must take good care of myself first. I need to find a healthy
way, every day, to take care of me. I have found and I use different tools now to
balance out my life. I step back and try not to fix everything around me. Every day I
pray to my Lord to see others from a higher perspective. “Not my will, but thy will be
done in every part of my life today.” Emotions cannot rule me. Only truth can show
the way each day.
So how do we start? We make a deliberate attempt to train ourselves to learn
our lessons from past experiences. Did we react to a situation and give in to our
pride? Does our fear dictate how we go about fixing things? Or, do we ask to be
surrounded in light before we approach any situation?
When life gets crazy and we are trying to control others and fix things, we do not allow
HIS light in. We push away the healing light that protects. We stay saturated in
darkness and we are all alone. There is a simple fix. Put your hands together and say,
“I thank you for showing me the way today”. Herein lies Faith. Here is my Faith. This can
be your Faith. HE is waiting, waiting patiently for each of us. HE waits for you now.
When my daughter Bridget was 16 years old, she had recently gotten her drivers license.
She told us that she was staying with a friend nearby for the weekend. We trusted her
with a family car that had now became hers to use. At the end of the weekend she
came home late Sunday morning. Going into detail, she shared movies she watched
and told us she had a great time at her best friends home a few miles away. I ran to
the grocery store and bumped into her older brothers friend. Bridget had actually been
two hundred miles away, partying on a college campus. When she was confronted,
she knew she had been caught in a lie. We told her she had lost her driving privileges
for one week. However, while I was at my Open House for real estate, Bridget moved
out! She moved in with a family member who in turn greatly manipulated the
situation and leased her a car. Bridget stayed away for most of her junior year In high
school. She knew this was wrong. We all knew this was wrong of her to do. Yet, I was
petrified I would lose my cherished daughter. I wanted to fix our family I refused to look
at the real truth. However, I did spend the ensuing months trying to “fix things between
us”. I sent letter after letter. I wrote postcards. I baited her with clothes, gifts and the
chance to take college trips all over the country.
Finally it all worked. Bridget came home near the end of her junior year. She and I
never talked about what happened. We did not discuss truth. I closed my eyes to the
truth, I just wanted a relationship with my daughter no matter what. I enabled my
daughter in an unhealthy way. I only tried to fix a fearful family situation. Once the truth
is compromised, it becomes easier and easier to see things through a fog of distorted
reality. People start to hide behind alcohol and drugs, something Bridget did herself.
Others find an added crutch with abusive relationships, Bridget chose to do this as well.
These choices make life so much harder. Rationalizing again, how to fix family
members. Family situations carry a delicate balance of prayer, faith and letting go. All
three must come together with trust. We cannot allow a family members anger, bad
choices, and rebellion to control us. We get so uptight with others choices that they
sabotage our lives. In my family I had to learn to accept the following words, “you
cannot save someone from themself.” I needed to accept and believe this as truth. I
could not fix my family. However, I could heal and fix and accept myself. Yes, I had
horrific losses in my family. The tragic loss of my mother and the senseless death of my
daughter recently. This latest loss could have had paralyzing effects on me. Yet, this
time I had spiritual tools. I know HE supports me and I feel my guardian angel right
beside me. I feel protected. and loved and safe. I focus constantly on my Faith. These
are my lessons to learn from.
Today as I close I ask, “Can you look beyond fear and learn lessons from your family?
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