“So Damn Hard” Blog #5

So today I am going a little deeper.

In order to balance my life, I choose to get rid of my overwhelming anger, constant

resentment and my consuming fear. Now you may say, “I can’t do this. I have valid

reasons for hating or despising and holding a grudge on this person or that person for

what they’ve done to me and I will always feel that way.” So I say you, “right now, check in

with your feelings, how does that feel?”

How do these words feel festering inside you?  Rather, try to see this – in the big picture I

told you every single solitary thing that happens to us, happens for a reason. Everything

we are given is an invaluable lesson to learn from. To compound this, what if this were

true? 

We came to earth to learn powerful lessons.  Each and every one of us. If we can not

learn one lesson, we are given a bigger lesson to learn next time. Lessons are repeated

until they are learned.

When I was young, in my teenage years, I remember I had a total of two or three

boyfriends throughout my high school years. Sadly, their personalities were so similar.

They were not stable.  Their home life was bad. They needed “fixing” and it was all sad.

They were filled with drama. There was always something going on with them that

required fixing. I had to fix them. I don’t remember happy joyful fun with my boyfriends

and I don’t remember lots of laughter. I do remember a tremendous amount of fear. Now

I realize there was constant fear at home and no laughter. Every one in our family catered

to my father and his dark, drunken scary actions.

Why do you suppose I just threw all that information about myself in the mix? This is

because our own individual lives are “stepping stones” and we can stay stuck in the mud,

or climb out into the light. This is exactly what I did. I’m not saying that it is easy at all. But

there will always be a way out. There is absolutely no other choice to a healthy, happy,

peace-filled life. So listen for just a little longer and see if my ideas can work for you.

When my Mother was murdered and I was filled with hate and anger and rage, I shared

how this wonderful therapist asked me to try to pray for the man that did this. I tell you

now, it took months to do this. Yet, when I decided to forgive him and pray for him there

was such an immediate relief and release of tension in my body, it was unbelievable.

I actually drove myself to the state hospital where they were keeping this man because

he was found to be “insane”, yet I asked the guards to let me see him. They brought him

into a holding room. I told this man who I was. I told him I forgave him for everything he

had done. Just for a minute, I saw the anger leave his face and he said to me, “I was

going to ask the guard to take me to the cemetery so I could say I’m sorry to her” he said.

Just for a moment I was able to see through to his higher self. But with that his eyes

glassed over and there was no more talk. I was led out of the state hospital to my car. I

remember thinking, “this must be what the thoughts of heaven and hell are now”. He

seemed to be in hell indefinitely for what he has done.

Heaven felt very close to me, because I felt my angels close to me. I felt peace now, I felt a

complete understanding of what I had internally been asked to do and I was thankful I

was able to bring myself to do this.

So, I ask you this question today, “Are feelings of anger, hate and regret, robbing your

peace of mind”?

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