“Let it Go!'' Blog #51

Have you ever been so angry it took over your thoughts day and night? Have you ever

been so afraid of something that everything in your power kept you stuck? Have you

gone back and forth, and regretted something you did or said over and over?

Absolutely, most of us can answer yes to all of the above. Anger, Fear and Regret are

three thieves that rob us all of our peaceful self content. Lots of us have said we need to

get a hold on our tempers. That will fix everything, but only for a bit. Where does all that

anger go that resides inside of us? Others of us have said fear keeps us stuck from

doing things we really want to do. Then the other biggie, Regret, that giant sink hole that

can swallow us up fast if we but allow it.

When I was a small girl, one of my favorite things to own was a big balloon on a string.

Most often at birthday parties balloons are given out and can be hours of fun.. I

especially remember one balloon Id been given at a party. All my friends were taking

them outside and running down the block fast. As I ran out the door, my balloon

caught on the door hinge, the string dislodged and I watched in sadness as my balloon

floated up, up, up in the air and disappeared from sight. Would you believe me if I

told you that is exactly the way to make anger, fear and regret leave? Anger, Fear and

Regret can disappear from our thoughts in a blink only IF we are willing and want this to

happen!

I most certainly do not say this lightly. For I am a great example of a person that for a

very long time in my life, carried fear, held on to anger and big time, regret. I held mass

quantities of fear and my anger was bundled heavily with regret. I have to say

unequivocally that there was not one ounce of real faith working inside of me either. Did

I think that mattered? Not at all. I let this eat at me day and night. This was a life that I

had always known, why change things?

As far as I was concerned, all I needed to do was busy myself and bury myself and

consume myself in my work. I sold houses for a living, so that was not hard to do. The

biggest problem with all of that is this: there must be BALANCE in Body, Mind and Spirit in

order to not just survive…..but to thrive! Otherwise, all that darkness can eat you up and

cause serious harm in health and mind and spirit.

Yet, I did not know any of this and I was not even inerested in finding a way out. If my

thoughts that seemed to consume me so much of the time, got to be too much, I just

poured myself another glass of wine before I went to bed. I was so tired from working so

hard, this usually did the trick. I remembered my neighbor had given me a ticket to go

hear a famous guru who was giving a seminar on “Mindfulness and Peace”. My anxiety

had been getting the best of me lately, and I realized I still had the ticket. I made up my

mind to go because it was the next night.

Once I arrived it was mind-blowing. There had to be a couple thousand people

there. The crowds of people were everywhere and I somehow found a seat midway

center and packed between two very chatty individuals. I sat down and hoped no one

would talk to me. The man to my right looked like a mid 40’s science professor and was

laughing and talking animately to the woman next to him. I tried very hard to

concentrate, but this night all the tragedy and sadness in my life were catching up to

me. My anger and fear and regret had been coming out in blatent panic attacks,

randomly. I was beginning to be unsure of my self composure and I was filled with

more anger, fear and regret until it was getting to be too much. I sat there trying to

concentrate but it was hard to hear and I had decided at the intermission, I would leave.

After all, I rationalized, no one else probably had been through what I went through, so

why should I think I would learn anything here tonight any way? I was about to get the

surprise of my life.

At the intermission I was squished between people trying to make their way to the

concession stand and I just wanted to go to my car. Suddenly a hand reached out and

touched my shoulder, I turned around. It was the man who had been sitting next to me

and now he was standing here still smiling! What in the world did he want with me? I

looked over at him, almost annoyed he had the nerve to touch my shoulder. Then he

spoke some words that wound up having more impact on my inner life healing than all

the therapy sessions, all the books and tapes I had ever listened to. He looked over at

me kindly as he began to speak: “I hope you are enjoying yourself as much as I am

tonight”. he said. “You know, I lost my wife and four daughters in a house fire. I am so

thankful for the lessons I have learned from their losing their lives in the fire that night, I

hope you have a good evening.” With that remark said, he disappeared into the crowd

and I never even got to know his name! I was overcome with emotion from what he

had just said to me. Not to mention the fact that I had summed him up, sitting next to

me, to be someone that didn’t have a care in the world and maybe was even a tad

overbearing.

Yet, once again, I did not know this person at all. The universe was proving different to

me and what a learning moment this had become. Now as I hurried to my car, I was in

a state of emotional, overwhelming confusion. Yet, I also felt I was amazed at my own

inner calmness. I sat in the parking lot and cried for a very long time because I felt the

universe had showed me real truth tonight. WHAT IF everything happens to each of us

INDIVIDUALLY to learn the lessons we are suppose to learn? IF that is true, then the anger,

the fear and the regret are all blindfolds.! They are just there to get our attention,

address what we need to correct and MOVE ON. I can honestly say, my anger left me

that night for all the wrong doing I could not fix. My fear was replaced with faith

because I felt the hand of God upon my heart and turning my head in a different

direction. My regret was instantly replaced with “real reason”, understanding in that

moment, my past held the only tools I had then and when the student is ready the

teacher appears “that was then and this is now”. I started praying that night, in real

earnest, and I will not stop as long as I live. For I now know HE is here and listens to every

prayer I pray.

“Can you find a way to “Let it Go” tonight?

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