”Throwaway Life” Blog #102

What turns my head, makes me notice something different?

Where can I go to try fixing my life from failure?

How can I steer away from all that past pain?

Recently I just went to see a movie that left a very strong impression on me. The movie,

“The Boys in the Boat”, is a true story. The movie was about eight young men that

represented the U.S.A. in the 1936 Olympics. They barely beat Italy and won the Gold

Medal. Yet the main character, Joe, was the amazing one. As the movie opened, you

could see he was a teen living alone in an abandoned old car. Joe had earned his way to

go to school at The Univ of Washington, in the midst of the depression. IF only he could

make the team, there was a bed and school was paid for him. His mother had died and

his father had abandoned him. To make things worse, one day in town he saw his father

and found out he had been back for two years, wanting nothing to do with him.

Why do I bring this movie to mind now? Because of Joe’s spirit. It was everything. Joe

was seen as a disposable human being. This was also the time when Hitler was coming

to power and deciding that the Jews were disposable human beings as well. Hitler was

evil and did dispose of millions of Jews. Joe was goodness. He saw of all the set backs, all

the problems, all the pain.

Joe had himself and his healthy body and his strong spirit to succeed. In spite of Joe’s

own setbacks and sadness, he set this aside to put his mind on the ”greater good”. Even

when it was time to send the top crew to the Olympics, Joe was part of the B team and

the coach decided it was “this team”, the lesser team, the younger team, but the team

with the most spirit that was going to the Olympics. This is almost cost the coach his job.

In spite of all Joes hardships and setback and sadness, he set this all aside to be part of

the eight rowers. These eight rowers realized the importance of synchronization and

above all they become '“one”. All their differences, all their judgements, all their fears

phase into trust for each other that brought them the the finish - the Gold Medal.

As I look back on my own life and see a father, a brother and a daughter who decided to

give in the darkness. The drugs and the drinking and the depression. One drip at a time,

one day turning into months and dissolving into years. Precious, beautiful lives that were

thrown away. My father and my brother and my daughter, all gone for the choice of the

the dreaded “Big D”.

Drugs, Drinking and Depression. Each one of these people had a name, Benjamin, Bruce

and Bridget. Each one of these people were beautiful, talented, bright human beings.

Each one of these souls decided that their individual life was not worth the energy, the

goodness and the need to continue on ! So, they threw away the cherished gift that God

had given them and they are no more. Only a sad memory.

I write about this today, not to dwell in darkness at the beginning of this new year, but to

steer my mind onto the greater good. Joe (in the movie) broke that dark chord,

regardless of what he had come from in his past, regardless of all his hurt and pain, he

decided to choose differently. He found a wonderful girl that believed in his higher good,

believed he had worth, believed in him. The movie ended on a brilliant note…..therefore I

hope you go see it.

Yet, my takeaway was so much more, I realized that there is not a single day when I can

ever let my guard down. I related to this movie mostly to Joe. I immediately felt his

“feeling alone” and taking my anger and wanting to still push on! Joe refused to look at

the big holes in his shoes, instead finding newspaper, folding it in halves and stuffing this

in his shoes. He refused to think about his pain even when standing in long lines at the

food pantry. Once you saw the character of Joe, you sensed his inner drive and his spirit

was on fire. There was nothing that was going to stop him, except only once, it almost did.

He confronted his past and saw his father. The pain of family hurt never goes away, yet it

can be harnessed, and filed away for another day, far far in the future. Joe responded to

what was given to him by showing others what he was made of. I look at all the lost years

my father and my brother and my daughter threw away. Combined these years are over

one hundred and fifty. These three lives could have and should have and would have

been productive, contributing cherished lives. My brother could have had a wife and

children and beautiful memories. Instead he died two years ago at a state institution

isolated, alone and forgotten. My daughter did have a family and two beautiful little boys.

Her choice became drugs and alcohol and all else was thrown away. My father? He set

the scene with a wife and three children of his own. Yet, amidst all God have given him,

his dark, daily drinking ended his life riddled with the diseases that come with the drugs he

chose. I might have never gone forward had I ever knew in advance all of the dark, sad

fear I would have to encounter.

However, I am one of the lucky ones. I am like Joe in the movie, I knew early on in so many

ways, there was more to life than what I was exposed to in my family. I knew that it had to

be up to me. It was all my choice. However, for a long time I want to be honest and say, I

went back and forth. Lots of times, I insisted I do my life my way and pushed HIM away.

When I finally came to the conclusion I cannot do it alone, things got immensely better.

Now I see clearly. There is no other way.

Jesus is with me night and day and nothing can shake my embracing this truth.

Can you believe in HIM and throw away today?