“Facing Forward” Blog #13
Families are filled with many family secrets that refuse to just disappear.
As we all look back in our lives, what kind of family did we come from?
Did we experience situations that we have hidden away? Did we judge family
members because of the things they did to us? Do we continue to hold any
resentments or grudges? Life goes on each day and forgetting about our past
is what we become very good at. However, throughout our lives, it is the sad, bad
and dark part of our past that we conveniently keep at bay.
I would like to clarify what I mean by this.
Everything that happens to each of us, brings a lesson along to be learned from it.
When we get to a point in our lives where we feel we have learned the lessons from
past experiences, its time to move on to the next lesson. It is only then, with a
peaceful feeling, that we can leave the magnetic, painful memory behind.
Feeling safe to throw away the old hurtful garbage gives us clarity that we have
learned how to forgive this situation and not go over it again and again.
However, as you read this you might be saying, “I don’t have anything like that
in my past, and I have moved on from my painful past years ago”.
How can you know this to be true?
You have only to bring up the thought, “If any piece of this thinking is difficult to see
you have not healed.” More than anything else there still lies dormant within you,
a struggle in letting go of something painful that has most likely NOT been dealt
with truthfully. Two critical issues remain here, truth and forgiveness.
We go through one day at a time filling hours with important tasks.
We pacify the present, keeping our minds filled with thicker things that appear
to be necessary to the now we live in.
Internally we have found creative ways to break away from bad moments of
our own family past. Facing our family past in complete truth is tough.
I challenge you to ask yourself right now if your own biological family laughed
a lot. Did you grow up in a family that had lots of fun?
Did you laugh often at home as you grew older? I certainly did not.
Therein lies the rub. So many choices we have made depended on how we
ineracted in our own biological family. As I look back, I was sad so much of the time.
I cried and I worried about so many things. Then I grew up and I moved on.
I left my own family and I went out into the world. I see now the type of people that
I was drawn too. I went out and I looked for people to bring into my world that I could
fix. Internally I needed to fix people. I was drawn to other peoples problems.
Without realizing it, I was addicted to dysfunction. This daily drama was
exciting to me. Healthy, normal people were boring.
I open my eyes now and I see that these were the only tools I had at the time.
Inside me, the anger and resentment and foolish pride covered all the sad
situations that had happened and I closed the door to my own healing.
This was the movie reel that I chose to spin day in and day out. However, as the
old saying goes; “you can’t fix other people, but you can fix yourself”.
So now fast forward I look at my own life and I have a healthier perspective.
I understand that forgivensss is a tool to healing the painful, permanent past.
Family members who have hurt me need to be completely forgiven.
There are no exceptions. My life must have 100% total forgiveness in it for
me to be able to close doors and move forward.
More than anything I have ever done, I needed to put forgiveness at the top.
Why do you think I would stress forgiveness and put it at the top? This is because
forgiveness is the “Key” to healing, letting go and feeling at peace.
Close your eyes in a bit, imagine you are suddenly in a heavy fog. You are
bogged down, you are weighted down sinking in quicksand. You are wearing
a heavy coat, winter hat and gloves with heavy boots on your feet. The layers
of clothing underneath are suddenly soaked with wet sand and you are sinking
slowly. This heavy wet sand is near your neck and you are overwhelmed.
You can’t think. Everything is too much.
Then instantly an invisible force pulls you out of the quicksand.
You are being held tightly and you feel safe.
Your fragile flesh and blood body get to start all over.
This IS the power of HIS Forgiveness for you and I.
Your reality is who you are to your family and those around you..
Maybe your family now is just YOU and HIS light.
IF you care enough to start new today - you will be filled with all you need.
You will feel the unconditional love of complete forgiveness for yourself.
For you too, are completely forgiven.
There once lived the most amazing man. Never has there lived a man quite
like him again. He was unique in his compassion and love and forgiveness.
He was on earth to do anything and everything he could to help mankind
understand truth, love and forgiveness.
Yet, no matter how hard he tried, no matter what he did, and no matter what
he said, they did not want to listen.
Instead they made up lies about this man. His goodness intimidated them.
Beating him badly, they stabbed and stoned him. Finally before he died, he spoke:
“Father forgive them for they know not what they do”.
As I leave you today I ask you a simple question,
“Can you let go and forgive people in your biological family?’
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