‘‘Keeping Score” Blog #60

Nobody has any idea how much we all have in common with each other. Just hearing

that fact can be comforting. We get up in the morning. We get dressed. We eat. We

have thoughts throughout the day. STOP

“We have thoughts throughout the day”. This is the biggest sentence that separates

us all. What ARE we thinking about? What gets us motivated? What keeps us stuck?

Are there any of you out there that have been hurt by someone?

I would venture to say “all of us have been hurt by someone, sometime, somewhere.

Yet, how does that work? Who gets to move on and who stays stuck in the muck? Even

yesterday is in the past. Anything we did or did not do yesterday is gone now. Yes, if we

hurt someone and we are aware and want to bring forgiveness Into place, We can

state, “I’m genuinely sorry for hurting you”.

If the time is not right. If the person is not ready. There first must be truth. Then there

must be accountability. THEN there must be the “actual action of showing remorse”.

So, keeping score? Hmmmm. Is this just a means to NO end? Where in lies the good?

All that energy spent on what, and for how long? Someone might say - “but I need to

remember how many times they hurt me!”

I would say to that, and remember to ask yourself, “how many times will I hurt ME?”

When we are in the wrong place, at the wrong time with the wrong person, it’s noisy and

complicated and energy is irritable. Still truth IS there. The quiet, subtle, honest voice of

truth is there, waiting.

Honest, cold truth is never loud. It’s ones conscience. THIS is the way we know we ought

to live internally. Quietness only comes into view when we search inward for it. More

often then not, we cannot do this alone. Fear takes over, controls the mind and shuts

the door to truth. Each of us believe we can do it alone. After all, we’ve come this far?

Have we not. But what a bumpy, sad lonely road many of us travel insisting on “our own

way”. We insist we need no one. we set our mind on the way its going to be and that is

that! We keep score of our past, what “we feel” has worked and hasn’t. Who has hurt us!

I step in here quickly and truthfully say this today.

We don’t have to keep score any more. It just doesn’t matter. We don’t have to do it

our own way, its not working anyway. We don’t have to be sad because, HE is waiting for

real. HE is ready to take us into the realm of peace and say, “it’s all okay. It doesn’t

matter where you have been. What you think, because today IF you choose to close

your eyes, fold your hands, I AM here to help.“ See? HE does hear you. He does care for

you.

Only HE is the door and lets you into an awareness you cannot imagine, exists. I know of

a friend that did not talk to their brother for weeks and then the weeks turned into

months and years. Their anger kept them apart. When my friends brother suddenly

had a heart attack, my friend had forgotten what they were angry about in the first

place. So many of us want to do it our way, because we have “free will”. Then we wind

up going full circle to realize this one honest fact. “NOT my will be done Lord, but thy will

be done”. This is where life becomes easier. Keeping Score has a lot to do with my hurt

and anger and a lot of regret. …..can’t seem to let go of, day in and day out ….thinking

…..thinking…thinking…..

I remember being so upset with a family member because they never called me. I kept

score all right, I thought back to the very last day we had talked and I for one was not

going to call them until they could pick up the phone and call me! Look what a good

person I am in their life right? Look how good I have been to them? why should I bend

over backwards.?”

Because NOW is the time when it is MOST important. To humble oneself. To NOT keep

score, just call the number and watch what happens. Don’t second guess it, because

that is keeping score to. It’s not up to me to decide the outcome! Let me tell you why.

So often, more often then not, “it will not be the outcome I THINK it is”. More often then

not, it’s time to call that number, see what happens! WHY? Because life is all about

GIVING not getting. Not keeping score if you called or they called….in the end, this is what

matters, our heart. What matters is my heart. (Now this is not a message for those in

abusive relationships, you should not be in one.) This is all about having a change of

heart with those close to you, becoming the “bigger person”. Showing up for that

person when you really know they can’t show up for you. Finding a time in your day to

just give of yourself and let them hear your voice. Even if you have to leave a message.

Leave a “heartfelt” message, as if it were your last. Do each of us live day in and day out

as though it were our last?

Or are we too busy keeping score, how different would our life be if we just picked up the

phone and called all those people dear to us but are “removed because of judgement

and keeping score”? How different would living be? In abusive family relationships,

where we have tried over and over again to fix things, this is not our job. Our job is only

to keep a truthful door open. Sometimes a simple “check-in call” is all that is needed to

keep the door open. This is our lesson to figure out. Regarding our children until they

are 18 and living at home, it is up to us as parents to let them feel our love

unconditionally. Sometimes family members are stuck in darkness and an illusion of the

way it is. We need to continue to reach out with truth. We might want to say to a family

member, “nothing you can do will make me stop loving you, so stop trying.” “Your family

will never be in your way, they ARE the way to understanding your truth.”

“Can I pray to stop keeping score today and forgive?”

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