‘‘Forgiveness'' Blog #57
Why bother with forgiving myself - Today’s a new day, why not just live it?
IF self-worth and self-esteem are so important, what part does Forgiving Self play?
What is the real definition of “Forgiveness?” Forgiveness: “The intentional voluntary
process by which one who initially feels victimized or wronged, goes through a CHANGE
IN FEELINGS, and ATTITUDE, regarding self, and/or a given offender, and overcomes the
impact of negative emotions (resentment, hate, denial, a desire for vengenance) where
forgiveness REPLACES negative emotions with positive attitudes.”
Every single person alive has had to deal with forgiveness in some sense. When we
cannot bring ourself to forgive ourself and someone else, our thoughts break away from
love and turn our power against us. As much as we feel we have the right to judge
others - we do not. When we stuff away feelings that are NOT love, we get into trouble.
Now you might say, I can’t run around loving myself and everyone all day! That is
just not reasonable. True…. However, it is when we begin to JUDGE, scales are tipped.
When we judge others, we lose the gift of forgiveness. IF we are willing to forgive ourself
and others, then we let go of anger, resentment, guilt, denial and fear.
What is fear? False Events Appearing Real. When we are ready to try something new,
we see the past as it is: THE PAST. There is only one reason why a persons past haunts
them and that is because situations, people, events have not been dealt with in a
healthy, forgiving way. To carry burdens from the past, weighs down the human heart.
However, it’s tricky because each of us has our own separate lessons in “healing our
heart with forgiveness”. You can ONLY find forgiveness when the words “but what
about…” or “You don’t understand what they did….” are gone.
I give you an example of what I am talking about. For years and years I watched and
could do nothing as my parents fought their battle of life around me. I watched in
sadness as my brother became abused and addicted to drugs and I could do nothing
to help him. I watched my family become victims of drugs and alcoholism.
Resentment, hatred and anger consumed me. I watched my alcoholic, abusive father
die at a young age consumed with cancer and I fought the Love/hate feelings inside
me that kept me from seeing him until his funeral. I lived for so many years in an
isolated, angry world. I became a workaholic and refused to even look at forgiveness,
until one day my life changed and got even worse. My own mother was killed by a drug
addict and I swore I would never forgive him. However after more years of living in
denial, anger and hatred. I could not take these inner feelings of dread any longer. Lost
in a busy world that had no time for my inner feelings, I knew I was afraid to be
vulnerable. Feelings inside of me were wretched and growing with more anger and
bitterness. No sign of forgiveness. I had to seek a spiritual way out, or my health would
seriously suffer. My anxiety, panic and grief were over the top. I was spiraling out of
control with nothing left.
I put my hands together and prayed for help to forgive. Suddenly something told me to
drive myself to the institution where a man was held. I wanted to see his face, look at
him, because I had something to tell him. I asked the guards to get him and when they
brought him into the room I said, “I forgive you for killing my mother.” That was all I had
to do, I had to be forgiving..
As I left that morning, it was snowing and I was crying very hard, but I no longer felt
alone. Internally there was a tremendous shift in my thinking… I can only say it felt like a
huge iron weight had been lifted from my heart. I was given an awareness this person
would carry the horrific deed he had done, with him for all eternity, Yet, in my
forgiveness of this man, I was freed from all my unforgiving anger.
For years and years I continued to study and learn about the inner workings of truth. My
faith kept me stronger each day. Until the unimaginable happened. My precious,
beloved eldest daughter had chosen a dark path. She believed in the Dark Lie” in life
and fell victim to alcohol and drugs. Alas, leaving behind two precious boys in the wake
of her death.
Anyone might say to me, now you throw in the towel, right? Where is your God now?
Still, in all my heartache and sadness, and sorrow, I recalled words I had heard many
times before. “You can never save someone from themself”
My beautiful daughter had given in to darkness. I needed to stay focused on the light of
Christ within me. I had to let go and let God take over once again.
I choose to leave you with this poem called:
“TRUE AWARENESS”
Anonymous
I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn to humbly obey.
I asked God for health, that I might do greater things,
I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
I asked God for riches that I might be happy,
I was given poverty that I might be wise.
I asked God for power, that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need for God.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life,
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I’d hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am among all people . . . . most richly blessed !
Lent is now upon us. For forty days and forty nights a man went out into the desert to
find a way to accept his fate. He was the personification of good. He was everything we
all want to be, but cannot. The fact that no amount of love, no amount of kindness, no
amount of truth mattered. Still the people raged in anger, hate and misjudgement.
They stoned him, persecuted him, put a crown of thorns upon his head and stabbed
him in his side. At the end, he looked down on all the people and quietly cried saying,
“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do”.
“Can you try to find forgiveness for someone unconditionally today?”
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