“Defy Darkness” Blog #141
What sneaks in and depresses me now?
Do I “just settle for whatever” today?
How CAN I find a “higher self” mentality?
From the time I was a little child, I knew the difference between right and wrong. I
definitely had examples given to me. Yet, in the people around me - I see now, how I
continued to make excuses for choices I made. How can I better myself? Years ago I
remember being in junior high school. I lived with my Grandpa and Aunts in a big old
house that felt safe. A couple of blocks away lived an Italian family with three sons and a
daughter. I became really good friends with the daughter. In fact, I envied her because
she dressed so well, had gorgeous black hair and perfect skin. Always thinking she was
favored as the only girl in the family, I was shocked years later to discover the truth. This
girls father would only spend time with his sons. Regardless of what his daughter did, she
was ignored in the family. He also was known to be a tyrant. Shortly after high school I
heard she moved out of the house to work and live on her own. Sadly, she got into the
wrong relationship and became abused by her boyfriend. People say she just wanted to
fix him. Nothing she did could prove herself worthy to her father. So she poured her heart
into her boyfriend and he started to abuse her. Petrified of what her father might do, she
moved out of state with her boyfriend, only to have the abuse intensify. After a few years
of such a horrific relationship, he cast her aside and she moved back to the only city she
knew bruised and forlorn. Talking to other friends, I discovered this decision cast a black
cloud on her life and she went from one abusive relationship to the next. I remember also
liking a boy who was extremely good looking, athletic and kind. He seemed to be fairly
smart in class when he was called on. In tenth grade he started to notice me and told me
one day he had discovered something that made him feel “on top of the world”. He
walked home from school with me and we talked. He shared how his parents traveled a
lot and then left him alone to figure things out. We talked about why he was choosing to
smoke weed and how nothing in his life gave him such a good feeling as being high. He
had given up football and had different friends now. Later in life friends shared with me
how he died tragically of drugs at a very young age. I remember many of my own
choices growing up and people I brought into my life. Now looking back, I see various
people I chose to get close to had huge problems that did not seem to matter to me. I
also felt drinking, smoking and partying were a big part of life.
Sometimes it does take an event of such magnitude in ones one life to want to go in a
different, healthy direction and bring positive change. However, it also can be a simple
choice of “wanting to live healthy, safe and at peace. Through prayer for me, an
awareness comes into place and a new direction is ahead. Simply said, “Help me Jesus,
please”
One of my most profound teachers in higher self awareness showed me an important
truth. He was an amazing older gentleman who was a therapist by profession. He told
me, “Normal people are boring to you, it’s the excitement of the the dysfunctional roller
coaster that keeps you going back to these people.”
In my world at the time, this was “jaw dropping”. I had parents whose only priority were
themselves and seeing to their daily addicting habits. Because of this, they failed as
parents. They did not give their children a healthy, moral, safe upbringing. We owe this to
our children if we are parents. For twenty five years, until I was married and out from
under, I swore to myself that I would never have people in my life like that. But even then,
did I really believe this? NO, my internal attitudes my personality and desires for what I
“Felt” were right choices, had already been formed. Some things have to be unlearned.
When we are so set in our ways that we have blinders on - WE CRASH.
How true is the statement, “You can run, but you can never hide from yourself”?
Whether I moved to the East coast or the West coast, it mattered not. I still always had
choices to make for who I felt needed to be in my closest inner circle of influence.
Three quarters of a century have come and gone and I am still here, trying to figure out
life day by day. If someone asked me “what is the greatest lesson you’ve learned”? I
would say “I seek Jesus daily. HE shows me my Body is the Temple of God, so be kind to
it - be kind and non-judgental to other people, learning my lessons daily”. I have no
need for drugs, smoking or drinking. I try to find ways daily to be the best version of my
higher self. I can hope to be with no regrets when I leave this earth. Every person comes
into someone else’s life for a reason. This may be good, or it may be a test. Yet, it is
always up to me to find my “higher self purpose” now.
IF I am depressed, sad or lonely regardless of my age, I can reach out to someone less
fortunate. How can I do this? By giving of myself. By showing love to another less
fortunate human being.
Today I was in the store getting a pair of shoes for my son. My husband was with me and
started talking to a man waiting patiently next to him. This man had just lost his entire
home, all his belongings and everything he owned in a house fire. Up to that moment I
was caught up in the material world of “what to buy for my son”. My husband reached out
to him and we both felt better. Reaching out to someone who is isolated, alone,
compromised by health issues. Reaching out to a person in a nursing home, ask for those
who are alone - reaching out to foster care child, even with sending a letter. Asking to
pay a visit. This past summer I visited a nursing home where some of the people living
there had never got a single visit or call from any family member. Every person wants to
feel needed. Each of us want to know someone cares. There is so much we can do IF we
really want to stop thinking just about ourselves. I can defy the darkness around me by
focusing on another human being in desperate need! When I choose to do this, a dark
veil of depression is lifted. Years ago Mother Theresa was approached on a NYC street by
a journalist. He asked her, “How can you keep doing all this when all around is more
misery, killing and disease? Don’t you somehow find it so futile?” Mother Theresa was a
tiny little elderly nun by now. Her kind searching eyes smiled up at the gentleman and
said,
“One person at a time”
When I am kind to myself and others, I feel the hand of God gently holding my hand.
Can I do something for someone in need today?
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